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Date Posted: 03:05:19 11/19/00 Sun
Author: "Simply Irresistible" Noah Dante and Cyrus Sinister
Subject: Back in the house! (Splash, Russa, tyson, all mentioned)





The camera fades in on the Playboy Mansion. As it passes by several of the most beautiful women in the world, “Big Pimpin’” by Jay Z can be heard in the background. As the camera makes it way to the courtyard, it focuses in on two individuals surrounded by even more playmates. As the camera zooms in, we see the two men are none other than “Simply Irresistible” Noah Dante and Cyrus “The Minister” Sinister. Noah sits up, looks at the camera, and begins to speak.

{Noah} “It seems as if I may not have been as forgotten as I suspected. Now, I’m sure that the moment you all laid eyes on The Irresistible One again, you took a deep breath, your hearts starting beating at an unbelievably rapid pace, and you knew you were looking at true greatness. And, as I stand before you, I can only think…this is the place for Mr. Irresistible…this is where it all begins again. Now, I have been sitting, waiting patiently for the day to return, and I will be the first to tell you, it has had me itching to get back in the ring. Did ya miss me?”

One of the playmates comes over and hands Noah another drink.

{Noah} “Yeah, I thought so. But, as much as I feel the love, I know there are a few people that are packing their bags and making flight arrangements, anything to get away from the individuals that will most certainly bring them defeat. People like Splash Williams. Like Joe Russa. Like that schoolboy Chris Tyson. See, I have cut a path of broken and battered bodies on my way to the top. And yeah, I stepped down for a bit, but I’m back, and I lost my suitcase of mercy at the airport!” Now, I know that if I stand them up one by one, I can knock any of the second class, so called wrestlers off their pedestal. But you know, I was just thinking…what fun would that be? I once heard that it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none, so Big Man, speak on it!”

The camera focuses in on Cy, who is a little busy kissing on the neck on one of the girls. Noah nudges him, and he brings his attention back to the camera.

{Cyrus} “WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! The Minister of Pain is back! All rejoice, your savior has arrived. Now, I know it has been a loooooooong time since any of you have seen two such strikingly handsome men in the ring at one time, but here we are. Agony and Ecstasy, back to rock your world. Husbands hide your wives, boyfriends flee with your women in tow, and wannabe grapplers get a bucket before your toss your cookies due to your nerves, because, as of right now, The Minister and The Irresistible One are THE force to be reckoned with in the GWA. Hear it, know it, learn it, love it, live it, because any who oppose us will fall before the most powerful alliance to ever set foot in any ring, anywhere!”

Just as Cy finishes that statement, two of the girls come over and whisper something in to his ears. Cyrus smiles and stands up.

{Cyrus} “Uh, hey man, these girls lost their little dog, so I am gonna help them find it. I’ll be in the master suite if you need me.”

Cy and Noah shake hands as he walks off. The camera again goes to Noah.

{Noah} “Now see, all of you guys out there are probably wondering “WOW! These guys better get their minds in the game if they plan to be successful.” That is where you’re dead wrong. We don’t need 16 hours a day of training. We don’t need supplements, or doctors, or personal trainers to tell us how to be better athletes. We are the best. There is none higher. Now, on Wednesday, I get myself a little four way dance with three guys that I wouldn’t let hand me a towel in the locker room, let alone best me in the squared circle. Let’s take a look at them one by one.

First we have this kid Chris Tyson. I bet that when you graduate high school, you may be smart enough to get admitted to the college of your choice. But on Wednesday, when you get in the ring with Mr. Irresistible, the only school you will get well educated in is the one of hard knocks, and the only place you will be admitted to is the Memphis General ER. Now, seeing as how you are just now hitting puberty, let me give you some advice. Get yourself a MAD magazine, throw in that new Hanson CD, and stay the hell out of the ring on Wednesday.

Now we come to Joe Russa. Joey, I hope that you learned from the last time we got in the ring together, as I was attempting to end your career, that you may want to play hooky from this one. But, if you feel you have nothing better to do than become my human punching bag, bring it on. But, don’t forget to bring that little honey of a wife you got there. She and I may want to get to know each other. I heard that she can the chrome off…well, you get the idea. You know how the fellas talk, and it seems to me that you may need to watch her a little better than you think. Wait, what am I thinking. You are good enough in the ring that you can concentrate on two things at once, right. Cool, because after I lay you out like a real man in the ring, I may just take it upon myself to show her how to get laid out by a real man in the suite.

Finally, we come to Splash Williams. The only guy to think he’s Superman, only to find out that I got all kinds of Kryptonite in my pocket when I get to the ring. Splash, old buddy, I told you before, and I will tell you again. You have a better chance of screwing a bobcat in a phone booth than you do of beating me. I look forward to facing you, for the same reason I look forward to facing Russa, and that is because I always respect a man who brings me a trophy to take back to the room with me. Just have little Sunny wait in the car, I won’t be but a minute in the ring like you ain’t but a minute in the sack, or at lease that’s what she told Cy when he…ooops, almost let it out of the bag. Anyway, bring your ass on down to the ring surfer boy, and just be prepared to be wiped out by The Irresistible One.

So, without further ado, let me officially put each and every individual on the roster on notice. There are a few things that you will all come to realize very soon if you don’t already know. We come, we rule, we destroy everything that moves in our direction. Act the hell up and get smacked the hell up. See you soon.”

The camera zooms out as a group of playmates surround Noah.

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