The Man
The Myth
The Legend
The Only Falconer That Matters
Jim "The Icon" Daher

(Well, how do ya like that? Captain Zero Empathy himself, Anton Rayge, actually decided to speak! 'Bout time, don't ya think? Well, I'm sure you know by now that your friend and mine, Jim "The Icon" Daher, has his own things to say, so prepare to gaze in wide-eyed awe at the wonderment that is a Jim "The Icon" Daher promo!)

(The scene begins inside an abandoned warehouse. Cobwebs, boarded windows, dust and debris everywhere, you know the drill. The camera pans around, and comes to Jim "The Icon" Daher. He is sitting on the floor against a pillar, his head down. He speaks in a serious tone.)

Jim "The Icon" Daher: I feel no empathy. Compared to all the pain and anguish I've been through, everyone else's pain is...petty at best. Everyone sucks. I rule.

(He then laughs and kicks up to his feet, smiling into the camera. He crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow, still smiling as he continues to speak, the serious tone gone.)

The Icon: Do ya see now how stupid ya really sound, Anton? "I feel no empathy." Gimme a freakin' break. Ya know, you analyzed what you think Rayne and I do, but then ya come off with yer own promo, an' I can tell ya right now who you take after...the one and only Raven! I mean, come on. Could you be a bigger rip-off? Guys like you, Anton...are a dime a dozen. I haven't been in wrestlin' that long, but in my time, I've seen enough Raven rip-offs to last me well into the next millenium! Here's a tip: Come up with yer own gimmick, then talk to me about who I take after.

(A thought suddenly occurs to him, and his smile broadens.)

The Icon: Speakin' of takin' after folks...as I recall, you had the absolute unadulterated gall to compare me to that 100-proof hack, The Rock. Here's my question: By what fantastic stretch of the imagination am I anything like The Rock? Do I refer to myself in the third person all the time? Hmm...no. Have I ever called myself "the most electrifying man in sports entertainment today?" Hmm...no. Do I claim that I will "layeth the smacketh down on your roody poo candy ass?" Hmm...no again. So, once again...how am I even remotely similar to The Rock? What, is it because of my finisher? The Icon's Smackdown? How about if I compare you to the WWF's Billy Gunn because of your finisher, The Finishing Touch, otherwise known as a Fame-Asser? "Bullsh*t," you say? My point exactly. So, how about ya research me a little bit more carefully before comparing me to another federation's so-called superstar?

(He chuckles, then continues.)

The Icon: What exactly does all this mean? Simple: It means that you have just been jackassenized by the pinnacle of athleticism, the paragon of charisma, the summit of intelligence, and the epitome of greatness! It means that you have just been revealed to be nothing more than the pinnacle of pinheadedness and the epitome of mediocrity! It means that this Wednesday, you and Rayne are gonna be flat on yer backs, lookin' up at the arena lights as the 6.2 billion Jim-ciples around the globe join as one in a massive wave of cheers after the ref raises the hand of the man, the myth, the legend, your personal god, and the planetary MESSIAH, none other than yours truly, Jim "The Icon" Daher. I'll be seein' you and Rayne in the ring, so thank you, and have a nice FRICKIN' day!