They speak! At long last they speak! (Samoan Mafia) (THIS ONE) -- Gladiator Wrestling Alliance

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(Well, look who finally decided to come out from under their rock and offer up a few incoherent words about Heavy Artillery? That's right, I'm talkin' about the Samoan Mafia. Well, good citizens, since neither one of them could sum up more intelligence than the average rock, here to bring you out of your coma is a hot-off-the-presses promo from Doomsday and Doom, better known as Heavy Artillery.)

(The scene begins in the smoke-filled atmosphere of a local pool hall. The place is about half full. As the camera pans around, it spots Doomsday and Doom at one of the tables, finishing up a game. Doom sinks a striped ball and scratches. Doomsday pulls the cue ball out of the pocket and holds it in his hand, looking at the table to find his next shot. He then sets the cue ball down.)

(He then gets down and aims carefully, then takes his shot. The cue ball hits the five ball, which hits the bank and comes all the way back into the indicated corner pocket, leaving Doomsday with only the eight ball. He calls it straight in into the corner, then aims and executes the shot perfectly, winning the game. He stands up and smiles at Doom.)

(As Doom fishes the balls out of the pockets, he glances up and spots the camera spying at them.)

(Doomsday had his back to the camera, so he turns and locates the camera. The big man motions it over, the smile still on his face. He motions to the chairs nearby.)

(The camera man obliges. After Doom racks and Doomsday breaks, Doom looks into the camera and speaks.)

Doom: Well, well, well...look who finally came outta hidin'! The twin fat-asses themselves, the Samoan Mafia! Where ya been, boys? We missed ya! One question: What you did to us? I think I'm gonna have to echo the sentiments of the rest of the world and say...what in the name of Christ are you talkin' about??? You talk about us as if you've got a history with us, but truthfully, before we returned to this place about a week ago, we'd never even heard of you two! Revenge? For what? Boring the fans to death with your incoherent babbling? I got another question. What exactly is a "jaboobie"? I know what a jabronie is, but I'm not quite familiar with jaboobies. Ah, I never was very fluent in MORON-ESE. It's real simple: It ain't even gonna matter what kinda game you bring, 'cause this Wednesday, both yer asses are comin' up lame.

(As Doom finishes, Doomsday accidentally sinks the wrong ball, making it Doom's turn to play. As Doom takes his turn, Doomsday looks into the camera and speaks.)

Doomsday: Ahh...just when I thought that no one could possibly be more idiotic than the now absent Kevin Rhodes...the Samoan Mafia shows up and sets the bar even lower. Mafia, to be truthful, I was prepared to treat you two with a modicum of respect...that is, until I actually heard you speak. I expected, at the very least, something resembling the intelligence level of an amoeba. Did I set the bar too high for you?

(He chuckles at his own joke as Doom powers the six ball into the opposite corner.)

Doomsday: Let's see...what was it Kenjiki said? You're going to hurt us...bad? First of all, it's badly, not bad. If you must speak the language, at least speak it correctly. And second of all...is that lame threat the best you could come up with? I'm surprised The Brotherhood of Agony even gave you a second look. I'll be blunt. I've seen the caliber of the other superstars in The Brotherhood, and frankly, you two don't deserve to be within 20 miles of anybody in The Brotherhood. This Wednesday, Saiki, Kenjiki, you two will be shown the error of your ways. At 6,000 pounds each, you probably think us incapable of lifting you into our finishers, Doom's Nuclear Winter and my Cataclysm. News flash, fat boys: We've both put our finishers on men that would make you two actually look in shape, so this Wednesday, one of you will feel the Nuclear Winter, and the other...will feel the most devastating finisher in the history of professional wrestling, the Cataclysm. Your own...Doomsday...is on its way. Accept your fate...for you cannot hope to change it. See you Wednesday...

(With that, Doomsday returns his attention to the game. The scene slowly fades to black, then to an advertisement about GWA Wednesday Insurrection.)