Re: first part -- Ghost Horse Story

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Date Posted: 16:08:15 07/05/02 Fri
Author: Kara
Subject: Re: first part
In reply to: Mandy 's message, "first part" on 11:24:56 07/05/02 Fri

~Possible revision ideas~

Red started at the sound of hoof beats coming towards him. Shaking off the last of his nightmare, he turned to se who was out riding on this warm spring afternoon.
Coming up the trail was a lone horse, not a riding pair as had expected, nor was this a loose horse escaped from the field. It was like him, invisible to everyone but their kind. It was Larc, the big black that had died alonside Red in the burning stable. He had died first, the start of a chain of horrifying losses, ending with Red's life.
Larc was sickeningly sweet and kind. Every move Larc made with his powerful black legs screamed loyalty and softness. His large, sad eyes were caring, hopelessly loving of anything that moved and held too much pity towards Red. If horses could growl, Red would be now.
�What do you want old man?� Red snapped. The returning nightmare and now Larc's pity made Red short. Standing as tall and intimidating as he could, he narrowed his eyes and spoke condescndingly,
�Come to lecture me again? Or maybe to tell me that you have found your peace and will rest. What a PITY that would be.�

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The black horse stared Red in the eyes. Without blinking he spoke, his soft, gentle voice floating across the distance.
"Red, when will you finally forgive these humans. I'm not trying to lecture you, but you must see the error in your ways. I know how attached you were to William, but death happens."
Seeing the quiver in Red's nostrils and the flash of defiance in his eyes, Larc grunted sypathetically.
"The dream again, huh?" Red's mind flashed with the scenes of destruction as he spoke loudly,
"No, I don't even think about that anymore." Larc laughed quietly.
"Red, I still dream. Sometimes at night that fire burns away at my skin, I can feel the searing pain and the smoke blinding me. I hear the horses-you-screaming back, my flaming hair filling their senses. You were scared, then. I saw you, you were glad it happened to me. You still thought you might have had a chance." Larc's eyes glassed over as he stared, then flinched as Red's eyes hardened into voids of space....

Whaddaya think? I was thinking Red could say something like "You know nothing.." and sorta get the idea of where is anger/mistrust came from and then I could do Larc's??
LMK

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Replies:

Hmm im bored so a couple more revisions -- K, 08:29:49 07/06/02 Sat
- Re: Hmm im bored so a couple more revisions -- mandy, 13:28:26 07/06/02 Sat