the bat story -- The Stephens Family

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Date Posted: 22:38:55 01/30/03 Thu
Author: carrie
Subject: the bat story

so last night, i'm in bed sleeping soundly, when i hear the kid let out a yelp. Being the concerned pseudo-parent that i am, i sent Matt to check it out.

He goes to get her then brings her back into our room, presumably to go to sleep. I ask what happened. He tells me that a bird somehow got into her room, but it's shut in there. I take this opportunity to remind him that we've taken down the transoms over the door, so there's a big gaping hole there. i also point out that it may not be the best idea to let a bird fly through our house all night.

so, we go check out her bedroom. Rock scissors paper dictates that he'll be the one to go in and turn on the light so we can survey the situation. The lights go on, and sure enough, there's a flying creature doing circles in the kid's room. Only those two dumbasses were wrong. It wasn't a bird.....it was a bat.

At this point we get freaked out and shriek like little girls every time it flies near us, one of us sounding just a bit more girly than the other. Now it's time to formulate a plan. Only, after being dead asleep for about 3 hours, neither one of us is thinking very clearly, so we've forgotten all we ever knew about bats. What's their deal? they can't see or something...or maybe they can't hear? maybe they can't smell? damnit, which one of their senses are they missing!? who can be sure, really? So, we argue about this for awhile, until we decide they probably just don't like light (you know, cause they hang out in caves and stuff). so we devise a plan to open the doors and turn on all of the lights, so it will try to flee into the dark night sky.

as you can imagine, the bat doesn't go for the plan. he continues to fly in circles, only he's moved from the kid's room into the computer room. i think to myself "hmm, i should get online and see who's on yahoo." but then myself quickly tells me "there's a bat flying around in here, dumbass."

then the bat goes to rest between the moulding and the ceiling, tucked in a little bat-like ball. we take this opportunity to open the windows. We figure our anti-light plan might not have been so bad, so Matt gets the flashlight and shines it on our bat friend, to no avail. then we start throwing all sorts of things at it, to get it to start flying again. it ignores us. Matt makes weird noises, thinking he'll scare it. It doesn't get scared. New plan: we'll swing at it with a broom. Fate was on my side yet again in the game of rock scissors paper (good ole reliable rock, nothing beats that!). Matt swings at the bat until it moves. Then it starts flying in circles again. Every time it comes near us, he swings at it, making loud noises intended to scare a bat. This continues for what seems like hours (much like this story). But the bat just goes around and around, ignoring the open windows calling it home.

Finally, the bat came too close to the broom...a homerun-like swing sent the little bastard flying across the room. almost out the window...but not quite. it landed right in the window frame. the obvious decision now is to shut the window. it looks at first as though the bat is clear of it, and we're not sure if the bat is dead or just stunned. well, the old man took care of whatever doubt there was there, cause when he shut the window, the bat wasn't clear. it wasn't clear at all. half the bat out....half the bat under the window. at this point, i'm going to assume it was dead already, cause even with a window slamming down on it, there was no movement. Sadly for me, it was decided that since i'd had so little bat contact, i had to assist with scooping it up with the dustpan and flinging it out the window.

Tomorrow, the exterminator comes. Goodbye, bats. At to my bat friend, RIP.

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Replies:

Re: the bat story -- Uncle HErm, 07:22:47 01/31/03 Fri