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Subject: - Author: EP [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07:18:29 08/08/06 Tue Heard a few new ones (at least new to me): Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. There's not a chin behind Chuck Norris' beard, just another fist. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz steaks in an hour. He had sex with the waitress for the first 45 minutes. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]