contact with children -- Bob Geldof Message Board

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Date Posted: 16:41:44 05/02/03 Fri
Author: Elaine Bamber
Subject: contact with children

I don't know at this stage whether Sir Bib Geldog himself looks at these messages but I feel I have an extremely important point to make.
Many years ago I remember Sir Bob fighting in court for the rights of fathers but I am a mother and I feel that Sir Bob, in his innocences of the bigger picture has damaged the lives of many children.
I have to say this, even though I understand what he has been through in his life and I believe he is a good father, but not all men are the same.
I am at the moment fighting for the rights of my children, they do not want to see their father, but the courts are taking the notion that a father is better than no father at all. This is wrong. When a child is young these are the most important important years of their life, what they do when they are grown up and mentally well adjusted I have no problems with but these yearly years are important.
I feel that Sir Bob going so public with his views have physically and emotionally ruined the lives of many children.
I am scared for the future and the changes in the law that are set to occur and I feel that much of this is down to Sir Bob going public for his rights as a father.
My children are at risk because of Sir Bob and with respect I would like him to know the children country wide he has put at risk.
I feel that I am battling against the 'Big boys' and it is affecting my health and my work.
My main concern is to make sure my girls grow up well adjusted and balanced individuals who are able as adults to make informed decisions about their life which is not predujiced by their childhood, something which at the moment I am scared about.
I am on the edge of saying that Sir Bob has damaged the lived of many children, including mine, although I know he acted in good faith.
Please reply because at the moment and the way the law is due to change the rights of children and mothers is going to be outweighed by the rights of a father and I have serious concerns for this development.
Please reply

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Replies:

[> Re: contact with children -- Jules, 04:41:00 05/04/03 Sun

>I don't know at this stage whether Sir Bib Geldog
>himself looks at these messages but I feel I have an
>extremely important point to make.
>Many years ago I remember Sir Bob fighting in court
>for the rights of fathers but I am a mother and I feel
>that Sir Bob, in his innocences of the bigger picture
>has damaged the lives of many children.
>I have to say this, even though I understand what he
>has been through in his life and I believe he is a
>good father, but not all men are the same.
>I am at the moment fighting for the rights of my
>children, they do not want to see their father, but
>the courts are taking the notion that a father is
>better than no father at all. This is wrong. When a
>child is young these are the most important important
>years of their life, what they do when they are grown
>up and mentally well adjusted I have no problems with
>but these yearly years are important.
>I feel that Sir Bob going so public with his views
>have physically and emotionally ruined the lives of
>many children.
>I am scared for the future and the changes in the law
>that are set to occur and I feel that much of this is
>down to Sir Bob going public for his rights as a
>father.
>My children are at risk because of Sir Bob and with
>respect I would like him to know the children country
>wide he has put at risk.
>I feel that I am battling against the 'Big boys' and
>it is affecting my health and my work.
>My main concern is to make sure my girls grow up well
>adjusted and balanced individuals who are able as
>adults to make informed decisions about their life
>which is not predujiced by their childhood, something
>which at the moment I am scared about.
>I am on the edge of saying that Sir Bob has damaged
>the lived of many children, including mine, although I
>know he acted in good faith.
>Please reply because at the moment and the way the law
>is due to change the rights of children and mothers is
>going to be outweighed by the rights of a father and I
>have serious concerns for this development.
>Please reply

I doubt if you will get a response from SBG himself, he doesn't seem to respond/get involved with this sort of correspondence.

I would like to comment. I think it is extremely important to take each case on its own merit. The whole issue is very complicated and there are many issues surrounding the whole thing. I am not a mother, but I know many people (male/female) who are products of broken marriages with children. I certainly know a couple of father's who have been deprived of the rights to their children, become part time fathers, through no fault of their own. Their marriage simply broke down for whatever reason. Maybe Bob is right, maybe he is wrong to fight for rights of fathers. I know that it is only in the last 4 o5 years that I have meant such fathers. Certainly in the past I knew mothers who had been left destitute and homeless with their children, by an uncaring father, who wishes to take no part in their lives, and provides nothing for them. These were the only situations I had met in the past.

If campaigning for father's rights opens up a whole can of worms about giving rights to abusive or similar fathers, then something must be brought into the law to protect children from being exposed.

I heard Bob say that the way the law stands, it is discriminative towards men. I actually disagree, I beleive, that the law originates from the expecation of the woman to do the nurturing and comes from discrimination against women. However, that is separate issue.

Bob is campaiging for equal rights, so that custody is 50/50 (I assmume and hope in cases where both parents are able to offer love and a stable relationship). I question how this might work, in that how is this practical for the child. Whilst I do not think he is wrong, a child may feel that they have no particular home if they are constantly toing and throwing between 2 addresses, especially if there is some distance apart. Then if they choose to split the custody over holidays and terms, what happens? The parent who has the child at holiday times a) gets to spend more time with the child b) may have to pay out more for child care and have this burden c) may not get invovled with the school work and vice verse!!

I wish you well in your plight, Elaine and hope that you and your family come to the best resolve for all concerned. It sounds very difficult.

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[> Re: contact with children -- Paul Bates, 10:13:56 10/14/03 Tue

Elaine Bamber,

There is some irony when you start your comments with 'I don't know'.

I believe the truth is far beyond your comprehension and that you have no balanced opinion regarding these matters.

Try looking at the whole picture!

(Fail) must do better

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[> Re: contact with children -- patrick mullaly, 09:23:24 10/17/03 Fri

Elaine-

Sorry for your trouble, but how about we try to make a deal? Here's my offer: if I cazn get your ex-husband to be a better man THEN can I please be more than a second class member of my own family? If I can make all the fathers in the world up to the standard that the mothers are, THEN can I be allowed to protect my daughter from her abusive mother? Please....can I?

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Re: contact with children -- Thad Tietsort, 12:17:29 10/17/03 Fri

You said:

"I feel that Sir Bob going so public with his views have physically and emotionally ruined the lives of many children."

This is garbage. Mr/Sir Geldof did not ruin the lives of the many children that you speek of, that blame belongs to the parents of the individual children.

You also said:
"I am at the moment fighting for the rights of my children, they do not want to see their father, but the courts are taking the notion that a father is better than no father at all. This is wrong."

You should be negotiating not fighting. Children do not always know what is best for them. What is wrong is your perception that the children are better off without a father. You can help your children by facilitating and encourage their contact with their father. Let the children make their decisions about their father through his own actions, not your dialogue.

I feel that equal parenting time is important in the lives of the children. It essential comes down to what is in the best interests of the children. Both parents are important when the parents live together, it is the same when both parents don't live together. The courts have made issues of custody regarding children adversarial and there is definite evidence to support a bias against fathers. The parents should continue to work together for the good of their children. I think what he did was admirable.

It's FatherTime.

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[> Re: contact with children -- Sha'uri, 18:45:00 10/21/03 Tue

I agree with Jules - Each case on it's own merits. There are so many different scenarios and situatons it is very hard to make global judgements.

There have been two cases in New Zealand recently where a child has been killed (Sorry - one, one has still to go to trial) by the man living with the mother. The fathers have commented on how helpless they feel, having less access to their children than a virtual stranger. This, and the helplessness they have at not being able to protect their children.

Definitely there are good Mums & Dads, and Bad Mums and Dads, you can't say one is better than the other, but in my considered opinion you can't beat having at least one of each in the same house!!

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