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Date Posted: 13:19:43 01/31/00 Mon
Author: Mr. Phule
Subject: [NSSWOTA] Delusions of Grandeur, Part 5

Comments:

I had to watch a certain scene of Star Wars 5 times for in order to write this. If any of you can't figure out why, you will be banned from this forum. Trust me on this one.

Not too many jokes here, but I'm trying to stick to a serious plot, using humor as an underlying theme. I'll try to bring more jokes into it in the future, but senseless jokes just aint my style...I gotta tell a story, man.

I decided to go ahead and give Tseng a character, figured he deserved it. Anthrax, Goku, Zeratul...I promise to start using you guys more...but I simply haven't been able to work your characters in just yet. I promise to change that soon, perhaps as early as part 6, though I'm still working on the concept for that.

It may be a while before I get another part out, or it may not. This is as far as I have had time to plan ahead, after this, the quality might go down a bit. Regardless, I will have SOMETHING NSSWOTA-related out by the weekend, though it may simply be an updated cast list...

Anyway...here we go...

Delusions of Grandeur
Part 5

Written by: Chris "Mr. Phule" Lingel



Delusions of Grandeur, part 5

[Scene: CEO’s office]

CEO: Status report on the Flenser?

HP: Um, we still aren’t sure, yet sir. Last update told us it was following an OSH unit, sir. We expect it to fight off any enemies quite easily, sir.

CEO: Really? That’s interesting, seeing as how my latest information indicates that the Flenser is currently a large cement block!

HP: Sir? How did you…

CEO: That does not matter! I am very displeased with your lack of progress.

HP: But sir…

CEO: Silence! I accept no excuses. Now then, have you anything to report that may convince me to spare your life?

HP: Well…uhh, we have almost located the enemy base, sir. The search continues….

CEO: ::sigh:: Very well. Go. And do not fail me again.

HP: Yes, sir. ::leaves::

CEO: Well, Doctor?

::From the shadows, Dr. Seivan emerges, studying a computer printout::

Seivan: Yes, we’ve just gone over the combat footage.

CEO: Do we know what happened?

Seivan: Yes, they uploaded a number of Diablo cheat files into the Flenser, causing it to crash. Quite an impressive tactic, and one we were completely unprepared for.

CEO: I see.

Seivan: Oh, we’ve already taken measures to see that it will not work again. Even as we speak the Flenser is synthesizing a new patch. In a day or so it will be back to full combat status. Remember, the Flensers learn, and adapt.

CEO: Excellent. And what progress on the Doppelganger?

Seivan: Nearly complete, sir. We were finally able to iron out all the difficulties concerning the nanite decay. It should be able to hold any form indefinitely. We still have yet to choose the personality guidelines for the AI protocols though. The current programming should allow us to proceed on schedule, however. We can upload the personality AI from remote.

CEO: What are you considering for the AI?

Seivan: Oh, the usual, sir. Ghengis Khan, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar.

CEO: All insufficient.

Seivan: But sir! These were mankind’s greatest warriors! They…

CEO: They were all defeated! Use them, and so too will the Doppelganger be defeated. No, Doctor…we need the mind of one who is untouchable. The mind of one who is unstoppable, and of the purest evil and cunning.

Seivan: Sir…you can’t mean…

CEO: Yes. We need the mind of Bill Gates.

[The Next Day]

[Scene: Blizzard HQ: Conference Room. Present are HP, GFraizer, and five Blizzard Programmers who, by some strange co-incidence, are all named Ed. They are currently in a heated discussion.]

GFraizer: Until our defenses are fully mobilized, we are vulnerable. This Safe Haven group is more powerfully equipped than you realize. They are dangerous

Ed #1: Dangerous to your forums, GFraizer, not to Diablo 2.

Ed #2: These rebels will continue to gain support with the stockholders…

HP: The stockholders are no longer a concern. I have just heard word that the CEO has suspended all shareholders meetings for the remainder of the fiscal year.

Ed #1: But that’s impossible! How will we maintain control of information distribution?

HP: The regional store owners how have direct control over their information distribution. Ignorance will keep them in line. Ignorance of Diablo 2’s real release date.

Ed #3: And what of Safe Haven? They managed to defeat the Flenser. If they can defeat that, they may be able to find a weakness in our defenses. Not to mention the fact that they have the technical plans to the Flenser.

GFraizer: The plans you refer to were a decoy. Useless in the hands of the enemy.

Ed #2: Listen, any attack they make on us is a useless gesture. Diablo 2 is the most powerfully hyped, non-existent product out there. I suggest we use it.

GFraizer: Don’t be too proud of your Computer Science degrees. The ability to program a game is insignificant next to the power of Public Relations.

Ed #2: Don’t try to scare us with your PR ways. Your sad devotion to PR has not helped you replace the lost Flenser Drone, nor given you clairvoyance enough to locate the enemy base.

Ed #5: Actually, Ed. We found it this morning. It’s the Starbucks across the street.

Ed #2: I know, but the quote just didn’t flow quite right with only one complaint.

GFraizer: Enough…I find your lack of faith disturbing. ::makes a bizarre motion with his hand. The security guards at the door come over, take the $50 bill out of GFraizer’s hand, and begin to beat the hell out of Ed #2::

HP: Enough of this, release him.

Ed #4: No, no…let them keep going. This is hilarious.

HP: Very well then. Gentlemen, this petty bickering is pointless. Allow me to show you the real reason we have nothing to concern ourselves with. ::presses a button on the table. Shortly thereafter, Dr. Seivan and GFraizer walks into the room::

GFraizer(sitting): Wa-HEY! Who are you?

GFraizer(standing): What are you talking about? Who are you, imposter?

GFraizer(sitting): I’m not an imposter! Who are you?

HP: Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the Flenser Series Doppelganger Drone. ::presses a button, and the standing GFraizer suddenly shifts. In moments the Doppelganger’s appearance matches HP::

Ed #1: Incredible!

Dr. Seivan: As you can see, gentlemen, this is the perfect spy. It can hold any form for any length of time. It also includes personality subroutines. It can act and behave exactly like the person whose form it takes.

Ed #3: Excuse me, Doctor. But we all have seen how “effective” ::makes those little quote marks with his fingers:: the last Flenser was. What makes you think this one will fare any better?

Seivan: The programming tactics used against the Mark IV have been dealt with. They will not work again. In addition, the Mark IV is currently generating a patch that will bring it back to full operational status.

Ed #3: I see. But supposing this Doppelganger is discovered?

Seivan: It is capable of defending itself. ::the Doppelganger raises its hand, and from each fingertip emits a small beam of red light, which play across Ed #3’s face, who gets very nervous:: Mono-filament needle gun. Useless against armor, but perfect for human flesh. ::the Doppelganger lowers its hand. Ed #3 relaxes considerably:: The Doppelganger is a survivor. Conventional weaponry will not harm it, and of course, it can always just assume another personality.

Ed #5: But if the Mark IV will be back, as you say, why do we need this one?

Seivan: ::sigh:: The Mark IV is designed for combat. Safe Haven defeated it once, and they may very well defeat it again, unlikely though that may seem. Using the Doppelganger, we can get in, and learn about their operation from the inside.

HP: We will have the Doppelganger assume the personality of one of the members of Safe Haven. It will then report to us everything that goes on inside.

GFraizer: But don’t we already have…

HP: Quiet! Not everyone here is cleared for that information.

Seivan: Gentlemen, I assure you. The Doppelganger will not fail. It will continue on its task until completed.

Ed #4: And what is this task?

Seivan: It will assume the shape of one of their clansmen. They will never suspect a disguise as thorough

HP: Are there any further questions?

Ed #5: Is Ed #2 alright? They’ve been beating up on him for a while now…

HP: He’s fine. Then without further ado…send the Doppelganger on its way, Doctor.

////Status: Operational
////Consulting Mission Parameters
//// 1. Infiltrate Safe Haven
//// 2. Report Safe Haven activities
//// 3. Avoid detection
//// 4. *Classified Mission Parameter*
////
////Consulting Protocols
////
////Proceed with Mission Parameters
////Assume form B-145
////
////Executing Protocols

::without a sound, the Doppelganger shifts into the form of a Blizzard Security guard, and leaves the room::

[The Next Day]

[Scene: Safe Haven Infirmary. Drake, his arm in a split, is being examined by Emrys. Two Penguins from OSH are serving as nurses. Mr. Phule is present also, looking on.]

Penguin #1: How did we get stuck with this assignment?

Penguin #2: I don’t know. But it’s better than being back at the base.

Emrys: Aw come on guys. I need the help!

Penguin #2: Alright, but only if we get 30% of the bill.

Emrys: You mean you think he’s actually going to pa…umm, sure you can have 30% ::pokes Drake’s arm::

Drake: Ow! Emrys! Stop that!

Emrys: Listen, if you’d just hold still, this wouldn’t hurt nearly so much.

Drake: Yea, I could hold still….or you could give me some PAINKILLERS.

Emrys: Naw I never did trust those…last time I used them on someone, they ended up running around the room trying to fly.

Mr. Phule: That’s because you didn’t give him painkillers…

Emrys: I didn’t? What was it then?

Mr. Phule: Some sort of narcotic, if I recall.

Emrys: Hmm, since when did I have any of those around?

Mr. Phule: I don’t know, but that would explain why all those police officers were looking around here the other day. You really shouldn’t buy your medical supplies from strange people who work out of the back of plain looking gray vans, you know.

Emrys: I don’t tell you how to lead the clan. Don’t tell me how to perform complicated surgery.

Drake: What are you doing to me, anyway?

Emrys: You have a large chunk of metal lodged in your arm from the fight with the Flenser. I’m attempting to remove it.

Drake: Are you even a doctor?

Emrys: Sure I am! I have a basic medical training!

Mr. Phule: Emrys, attempting to pull the pieces out of that game without making the guy’s nose light up is not exactly the most effective medical training program.

Emrys: Sure it is! Besides, I don’t touch the sides more than once…every few tries.

::using a spatula, Emrys cuts along Drake’s arm, just like a knife. Then, as if he were holding a fork, he spears at the piece of metal, pulling it out. Reaching for some medical cream, he uses the spatula like a spoon to scoop it out onto the wound. Drake, in the meantime time, has passed out due to extreme pain.::

Penguin #1: Only a human could find a way to treat a spatula like a knife, a fork, and a spoon at the same time.

Penguin #2: Maybe it would be better off we were back at the base.

::the penguins look at each other::

[Scene: OSH Base. HellHarpoon is addressing the penguin army]

HellHarpoon: …until such time as the remote control is found. New rule #287, the only snack sanctioned by OSH shall be HellHarpoon Brand Eskimo-Pie Cookies. Rule #288, The official OSH Television show shall be “The Yukon’s Most Deadly Igloo cave-ins” Rule #289, The peanut butter jars are not to be touched without written permission….

[Scene: SH Base, Medical Bay]

Penguins: Nah.

Emrys: There…almost done.

::from elsewhere in the building, a commotion is heard. Moments later, Omnivich and Anthrax enter the infirmary, carrying a form between them::

Mr. Phule: What’s that?

Omnivich: Emrys, get to work on him. He’s pretty beat up.

Mr. Phule: Who is that… ::suddenly, his eyes open wide:: Tseng?!?

Anthrax: Yea, we saw him coming towards us. Said something about escaping from Blizzard. Then he passed out.

Mr. Phule: Heh, so that’s what happened to him. Get him in! Emrys…

::the crowd huddles around Emrys as he tends to the wounds on their long lost comrade::

////Mission Parameter Update
////Parameter 1 accomplished
////
////Consulting Protocols
/////
////Proceed with Parameters 2,3,4
////
////Executing Protocols.

::camera pulls back, leaving the building, and pans around::

::camera moves away from Safe Haven, and towards an old warehouse::

::zoom into the warehouse::

::focus on a patch of hardened cement::

::time passes, and a low rumbling can be heard. Quickly the sound grows louder. Louder. Suddenly the cement cracks, and the warehouse is filled with the scream of metal against metal as a powerful robotic hand bursts through the cement::

::fade to black::

::To Be Continued…::

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