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Date Posted: 03:05:58 09/22/02 Sun
Author: Liam Brennan
Subject: Re: post plans?
In reply to: Matthew Koorey 's message, "Re: post plans?" on 08:09:44 09/20/02 Fri

>Tanya Blancoe's last professional arrangement was with
>SOCOG doing those ads encouraging us all to buy
>Olympic tickets (or at least be put in a ballot to get
>backrow seats at a Portugal vs Bahrain table tennis
>match). She read the news on Roy and H.G's "The Dream"
>during the Olympic period. Her success in the
>television arena led her to seek other, more ambitious
>projects.

She was? This must be one of the few I missed. It all makes sense really because I was many of the Sydneysiders 'embracing the spirit'. I made sure that all of our foreign friends knew that Ayers Rock was not that far from the CBD. I also made sure that those 'UnAustralian' homeless people were moved from view as we wouldn't want to harm the reputation of our fair city.

I'm also glad that I forked over $20 (down from the bargain price of $100) for front row tickets to the mens doubles table tennis gold medal match. It was a hard fought match, China eventually triumphing over China. Taiwan got the bronze but China claimed it as theirs, with only a few crappy Pacific Island nations caring. I got to chant U-S-A a lot though. That was fun.

>Eager to shrug off her image as "the Olympics girl"
>(and partially angered by Nikki Webster's assumption
>of the role of "the thirteen-year-old Olympics girl")
>she did a nude spread in U.S. men's magazine "Swank"
>but it was her line in Sydney's 1993 bid speech "In
>Australia we all live together, eat together and SLEEP
>together ..." that won her a role as "Girl #1473" in
>"Gangbang 2000: Head Downunder".

My brother thinks hes pretty cool because he knows someone that knows Nikki Webster. Wow. I'm so envious. Did he meet Natalie Portman at Woolies Metro? No. He didn't. Thats why I'm better than he is. Plus his band only has two people. He said I could be bass player, but thats as good as a kick in the arse really. He did say I could name it 'Lionel Ritchie and the Monkey Knife Fight Experience' though.

One issue that was raised on the recent excellent Late Show DVD (spend!) was that Tanya Blancoe had incredibly large breasts for a ten year old. Obviously, this would lead to a career in porn. All I could muster was that background role in that Introline ad (yes, for all those who don't know, I was in an introline ad. Envy me).

>After a failed marriage to the Mitsubishi kid, AKA
>Arthur from "Hey Dad", previously only famous for
>telling St Ives North's class of 1993 to "F*** off" at
>the Powerhouse museum, she briefly joined with fellow
>freaks to form a superhero team known as "Mutant X"
>until they were sued by Marvel Comics for copyright
>violation.

One of my greatest acheivements of the last sixth months is finding out what the hell happened to Matthew Krok (aka The Krokster). So, heres the cold hard facts:

*After attendning a high school (I think this was in Richmond, one of my Mums friends son went to school with him), Matthew distanced himself from his acting past (his last role was a guest role in All Saints). Teachers were asked not to refer to him as 'the little fat kid from Hey Dad'. At one point, a teacher said he looked like the so called 'little fat kid', and Kroky ran from the room in tears.

*Whilst attending this school, El Kroko developed a love for Physics. He is now persuing a career in engineering at the University of Western Sydney. I'm not sure what area, but from his responce at the Powerhouse, I'd say Civil.

*In some instances, Big Krok (giggle) will be refered to as Brother Krok. Why? Because hes one of the many mormon engineer/child actors among us. That being said, when you see him at the stairs at Chatwood station, or at the Anzac Parade gates at UNSW, tell him to 'fuck off'. That'll teach him for breaking into the Kelly household.

>Stripped of her superpowers after exposure to
>kryptonite, she proposed to Hollywood's latest
>rebound-boy, Justin Timberlake. Justin, who at the
>2001 People's Choice Awards had accused her of smoking
>marijuana and sleeping with actor Matthew McConaughey,
>still refuses to retract these statements though he
>says the stuff about the breast implants is "just
>crap." The pair publicly state they have set a wedding
>date for April next year, though actually wed secretly
>in the Seychelles earlier this month.

Oh come on! Who hasn't slept with Matthew McConaughey! Hes the male equivalent of Gwyenth Paltrow.

Okay, I haven't, nor Gwyenth, but I own a recorder, guitar, and of course my trusty Theremin (ROCK!) so Winona Ryder has been leaving messages on my phone. I also can't find my favourite jacket.

>Britney Spears, who recently made headlines after
>suing New Line Cinema for referring to her as "Mr
>Spears" (everyone knows she received her PhD from
>Stanford University last year and should now be
>referred to only as "Dr Spears") in the credits of
>"Austin Powers: Goldmember", said of the couple "I
>hope they're happy" though is reported to have told a
>Mexican woman outside a Wal-Mart in Idaho, "They can
>get fucked. That's right, I say "Fuck". And I drink
>and smoke and I fucked Matthew McConaughey first! I
>mean, she can't even dance! And yes, this is a fucking
>Coca-Cola! Fuck! It just tastes better, OK?! Where's
>my whole fucking entourage? Get the fucking car!"

Shes just trying to look for everyones favourite alcoholic Backstreet Boy, AJ. Hes damn cool, because he drinks, and hes got sunnies and a groomed goatee. He may not say fuck however.

What Britney needs to do now is follow the lead of the New Kids on the Block. Hanging Tough was alright, but its no Dirty Dog. NKOTB. Rock on. Mind you, if you abbreviate Britney Spears, its becomes BS.

>While her directorial efforts on "Moulin Rouge" were
>overlooked at last year's Academy Awards, her
>performance in the upcoming "Lord of the Rings"
>sequel, "The Two Towers" is already generating
>considerable Oscar buzz, three months before the films
>official release.

She needs to look at Ice Cube. Another great actor-screenwriter. And what a screenwriter he is. Friday was an excellent critical analysis of life in the hood. Spike Lee was turning green with envy. Next Friday was just even better. Hopefully we'll see the sequel 'Not this Friday, not the one after that but the one after that'. Or perhaps they could combine the Friday the 13th series with the Friday series. Jason, down on cash after being killed multiple times, sent to hell and then outer space, moves back into the hood. Fart jokes and killings of horny teens for the whole family.

>While she accepts that the public will always see her
>as "the Tanya we know", a construct of the media and
>the fast food industry, she says she wants to "spend
>time getting to know the Tanya I know" and so has
>decided to gracefully fade from the public eye for a
>few years. She has a few projects that should help her
>get back into the limelight though once her sabbatical
>is over, including the "Bowral: 2016" bid. Kevan
>Gosper has already promised her first leg in the torch
>relay.

Screw the sporting statues on Centrepoint tower. They should have been Tanya in the 'arms open' pose, John Fahey mid flight and a statue of John and Rob in their homo-erotic embrace. See, they embraced the spirit. Cathy Freeman never embraced the spirit. Grant Hackett never embraced the spirit. It is rumoured that Ian Thorpe emraces the spirit.

>If all else fails, she'll just rob a 7-11.

Celebrity Big Brother Two needs contestants. Perhaps her, Matthew Krok, the Tin Lids, Nudge and Kim Beazley could star. I also hear Sara Marie needs work. I wonder why.

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