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Date Posted: 11:51:22 07/28/03 Mon
Author: G
Author Host/IP: proxy.senselan.ch / 194.153.188.3
Subject: an open letter
In reply to: RachelX 's message, "OK, this is the longest thread ever! (Or, it will be with a bit of luck!)" on 05:56:14 02/10/03 Mon

Alain, you are the sweetest, bestest, nicest person and I'm so sorry, so goddamn sorry that I can't love you the way you deserve.

I cling to you and I feel like I'm being stifled at the same time. I'm moody and easily vexed and I drive everyone close to me crazy. I'm beginning to think I rushed into it because I needed affection like that. I needed someone to be there for me that way, instead of all those empty, fruitless one-night-stands that just kept wearing me down, just kept making it all worse. I needed someone. But as much as it hurts me to say this, you're not the one I would've picked for the job. You aren't.. him.

I love you so much, we've gotten close so fast and I wish I could make myself feel the way you do; I'd do it in a heatbeat if it were possible. But I can't change, I never could and I just wish that we'd have stayed friends. I love being with you, but at the end of the day, I get my warmth from the thought that my man loves me, and not from the realization that it's you.

I'm tired of being alone. But I can't open up and I'm already hurting too much and I don't want to lead you on. You know I'll only make it hard for you, all those constant moody up and downs, all those issues... You know where those scars come from, you know it won't ever be easy with me. But you can't empathize when I listen to music so poignant that it brings me to tears. You don't share that part with me and that's just too important for me to ignore. And I can't give you what you need and you can't give me what I need and

You can't save me.

No one can, until I do.

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Replies:

[> [> I think I could make that fanfic work. -- Gabs, 09:00:14 03/26/04 Fri (proxy.senselan.ch/194.153.188.3)

Change some names and voila!


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