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Date Posted: 09:09:49 01/23/04 Fri
Author: Bob
Subject: Ten Commandments of Character creation

Some guy posted a list of stupid ass rules for character creation -- another guy came back with these, much better rules:

Those commandments may work in a game that has a colon in the name. You know, Enchantment: The Tedium, or something. But D&D is a fun, dumb, fighting game. Try these instead.

1. Thou Shalt Not Have Higher Stats Than the Rest of the Party. For verily I say unto you: Thou Wilst Not Be Able To Rejoice At Thy Victories If Thou Hast An Unfair Advantage. Even if thou didst really roll them.

2. Thou Shalt Not Play a Fighter. For Fighters Sucketh. As our saviour prophesied "The Last Shall Be First and the First Shall Be Last" and he was talking about fighters, for now at first level they kill most of the monsters, but lo!, all others progresseth in power faster than them.

3. If thou wishest to make thyself in the image of god, then play a cleric for by tenth level they are awesome. Even nerfed from 3.0 to 3.5, still they rocketh. 'Tis also wise to Play a Cleric/Rogue, for they can do anything. But woe unto you if you put more than 3 levels into rogue.

4. Bringeth more than thy fair share of munchies. And bringeth not store brand munchies. Bring only quality, so that everyone's cup is overflowing with goodness. For he who feeds the piper calls the tune, but none have pity on the whinings of a cheapskate.

5. The best classes art these: cleric/rogue, cleric, druid, monk, the PrC that progresseth as a divine and arcane caster at the same time the name of which I forgoteth (having no books with me), assassin, bard, and maybe ranger. In that order.

6. If thou playest a spellcaster, cherish thy spellcaster level. Do not multiclass, for then the enemy spellcaster will eat thy lunch. Unless thou art a cleric/rogue for their awesomeness is such as to maybe outweigh this.

7. Every group must have a cleric (or druid), a rogue, and an arcane caster. Think not only of thyself, but look also to thy team-mates. If they all are playing clerics, then take one for the team and play a rogue.

8. Even more crucial to thy soul than commandment 2 is this: NEVER PLAY A PALADIN. For in this age of vipers their caster level is halved. Halved I say! And the other players will despise thee, for they think paladins are nerds! And the DM will misuseth the paladin code to force thee to act like an idiot, for surely he hast not read Defenders of the Faith.

9. Thou Shalt Not Spend All Thy Feats and Gold on Melee Weapons. For many fights will be over before thou reacheth the enemy, and by mid level many of thy enemies will fly. This commandment is also known as "Duelists Suck."

10. It is righteous for thee to chooseth a funny name for thy character. For the DM will try to set a serious mood, and be all boring, and read too much flavortext. I prophecy that he will call this "Dark Fantasy." But when he asks you "What is your next action, Sir Jerky?" The others will laugh, and it will forceth him to lighten up, and a good time will be had by all.

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