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Date Posted: 15:24:01 11/26/04 Fri
Author: Discord
Subject: I'm the only one on this road and I walk alone.
In reply to: valda 's message, "we can walk it together" on 15:09:02 11/26/04 Fri

He pulled backwards a little from her grasp, the motion more instinctual than with actual thought behind it. Black hair made to hang in front of his head as he shook it slightly. "You survived." He managed to look up to meet her eyes, his torn with emotion. "You survived it Valda. I didn't." He tried to keep his voice level. "You didn't do anything unexpected, you didn't flip out because you couldn't handle it. You didn't walk away." He rose from the bed and walked to where the window was across from it, trying not to look at her. His voice suddenly dropped several notches. "You didn't run away." He glanced down at his hands, grimacing. "We didn't even have a fight. I was the cause, and effect. I didn't know what to do, so I hit you. His eyes suddenly blazed with anger at himself, but he looked at her, his face a passionate rage. "I fucking hit you Valda. I don't do that to people I love. What I did - what I didn't do - was the fight. It was me against myself. I left, to sort myself out. You had no reason in it, at all. I did something against my thoughts, against my morals." He glanced at her, then back at his hands, his voice soft again. "I beat myself up about it too." his voice grew even softer. "I hit things until I couldn't hit anymore, until my hands wouldn't even make fists..." He stared unbelievingly at his scabbed and bruised hands, his mind a torrent of emotion, and none of it was good. His silver eyes met hers again. "See these?" He held up his hands for her evaluation. "This is why I don't get messed up with people, this is why I stayed on my own. This is why I never should have gotten close. This isn't me." His voice died from its height, and he stared unseeingly out the window, his face stone.

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