Re: As In Books -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 01:42:23 07/21/02 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM05b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.15
Subject: Re: As In Books
In reply to: sp99 's message, "Re: As In Books" on 00:08:49 07/21/02 Sun

I am aware the subject goes back hundreds of years - I have taught about black slavery amongst other things. The issue is probably wider debated today because of media and more general awareness of what is going on.

However, it is the language - the mix of old and new styles, which may work in some poems but I was not sure about in this. The sentence style and words like 'yore' for example. Just my thoughts.

I could just say I loved it but it would not be honest of me or helpful to you if I did not point out things your readers may notice. When we write, we know exactly where we are coming from - others may not. We may not wish to divulge it all - which is fine. Sometimes I won't compromise, other times it is more appropriate to do so.

>Raphaela,
>
>Would it help to know in regards to this comment
>of yours: "...particularly when the subject is of a
>contemporary nature"....that I gently state this was
>written with the subject in mind being around
>since the start of civilized humans [?] and much
>older than just comtemporary? And I do thank you
>for your words I listen to as wisely as I can! Susanne
>
>>I think you have worked hard at improving your style
>>and this is becoming evident in the tightening of
>>lines and imagery. The use of question marks involves
>>your readers forcing them to question their own
>>opinions on such contemporary issues.
>>
>>However, I still find it difficult to see the mixture
>>of archaic language and style mixed with contemporary,
>>particularly when the subject is of a contemporary
>>nature, and this has this has the effect of giving a
>>slightly stilted effect.
>>
>>You certainly provide food for thought in the content
>>and this could certainly inspire many a poem.
>>
>>Raphaela
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>>
>>>AS IN BOOKS
>>>
>>>
>>>Mixed race of blood I am not
>>>If not counting the almighty four
>>>Lilies of Britain and Europe
>>>Creating centuries of mixed-up spirit's yore.
>>>Despite that, I too have been there
>>>Wondering where I fit in-between pages
>>>Of how some live, as in books
>>>In novel tales of the wealthy.
>>>So I ask within my heart and head
>>>Why oh why is it still so worldwide
>>>That people are so judged
>>>And feared for not having any choice
>>>In their brand of genes?
>>>
>>>And why also do some assume
>>>I dislike different that they hate so upshot
>>>Then very much disliking me,
>>>Putting me down when I do not?
>>>So many times these pricks have hurt
>>>As a rose's thorn draws blood
>>>That when spilt, being the ironic hue
>>>Of symbol colour of love.
>>>
>>>Yet still there are those so smug to think
>>>They are so much better than of those
>>>Without wealth or approved colour.
>>>Feelings that gives me quite a deathly pall
>>>To then turn around to further appall
>>>As they keep their 'gold and silver
>>>In a heady intellectual swirl
>>>Of money papered 'around the world'
>>>Held up by the backs of we,
>>>The Atlas misunderstood.
>>>
>>>However, I would never say all rich is bad
>>>Since knowing that is certainly not so
>>>For even within the bad and living beautiful,
>>>Many good hearts can and do breed
>>>Whether the poor wishes to 'believe it or not'
>>>Upon reading a worldwide Ripley's tide
>>>That sometimes I love to ride .. to write.
>>>
>>>
>>>� SuSanne &*_*&
>>>
>>>11.7.02~smb.powell
>>>All rights reserved
>>>RainbowSam11@hotmail.com
>>>
>>>Definitions of yore:
>>>noun: the time that has elapsed
>>>
>>>Definitions of upshot:
>>>noun: a phenomenon that follows
>>>and is caused by some previous phenomenon
>>>
>>>Inspired by watching
>>>TV talk host Ms. Ananda Lewis
>>>when this subject was among
>>>the many worthy she covers.
>>>http://www.theanandalewisshow.com/
>>>

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Replies:

Re: As In Books - revision -- sp99, 10:32:11 07/21/02 Sun