Re: Seperation -- Nannies Forum

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Subject: Re: Seperation

Author:
Mattie

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Date Posted: 12:12:13 05/06/06 Sat

I'm starting to encounter the same problem with a 20 month old who was recently adopted. Yesterday she ran to the door after me crying and screamed and pounded on the screen door while I walked out to my car. I know this is an issue for her mom, who is worried about her attaching to me instead of her. I don't know what to say about it except that if this kind of thing is going to bother parents then they shouldn't have nannys. Most mothers are jelous of the love thier children show their nannys though. The kids don't understand that they are your job. To them you are another parent, and I will NOT withhold affection/attenton/fun from a child simply so that mom can be the only one to give it. Besides, I don't think it would matter much. We are the ones meeting their needs throughout the day-- of course they will become attached to us. We often spend more time with them than their parents do. I don't live in, so I've never had to deal with it on as large a scale as you. I traveled with a family for a few months once though and the mom got jelous when the girl asked me for a betime story instead of her and made an effort to always give me my own room after that. My instinct would be to give him a warning when it's almost time for you to go, then be firm- when the door is closed you are GONE and that is that. It will be hard, and take time but I think he will get it. Also, if you can, maybe find a way to encourage the parents to do more exciting stuff with him? Art projects etc. If all he's getting with them is dinner and bedtime, he's not going to look forward to it as much.

>Hello,
>
>I'm a nanny for two beautiful boys now almost 3 and 5.
>I have been with this family since the youngest was
>born. The youngest has a very hard time seperating
>from me in the evening. He has always had a hard time
>since he was a baby, but recently it has been getting
>worse. He clings to my legs in the evening and as
>soon as his mom comes home he starts to cry and is now
>able to verbally say "I want my nanny not you (meaning
>his mom). I'm a live in nanny which makes it even
>harder, to get that seperation. When he was younger I
>was able to just go to my room and because I was out
>of sight I was also out of mind. Now though he knows
>I'm still here and crys for long periods of time for
>me. This is not a good situation for anyone. I would
>love to hear any suggestions on how I can make this
>seperation a more pleasant one? Thanks!

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