Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...) -- Nannies Forum

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3 ]

Subject: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
Amy

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 15:58:36 06/05/03 Thu

I have been with this family for about 8 weeks. The problem is that she expects me to be perfect. I work 9-5:30 every weekday and work ocassional weekends. The pay is good and they are building me an apartment. I am also supossed to be recieving benefits, once I sign a contract. To begin with, it was fine and I do love the boys. But then she told me she has been going into my room to check for cleanliness and it is not up to her standards. My room was not messy but I did what she asked (basically put away everything that was mine). The part that bothered me is that they never told me they'd be doing this. I think I also deserve some privacy. I sort of let it go though, which was my fault.
My other problem was that she emailed me about every problem she has with me. She wouldn't talk to me. I finally brought that up the other day. So we had a meeting yesterday. She had a few problems she wanted to bring up. Then she asked me a question I felt was none of her business. She asked me when I shower. I said I shower every night, before bed. She said that might be why they don't hear me because they go to bed early. First I was wondering why they were listening to hear if I shower. Second I do and I don't look dirty or anything. Wouldn't you know if someone didn't shower??? I thought that was the end of it but no. She came up to me later and said she discussed it with her husband and they want me to shower before work or before 9:30 PM. Now obviously it wasn't that it was bothering them that I showered late. I am being completely honest in saying I am a very clean person when it comes to personal hygiene. I found this very offensive.
If that's not enough, I come home last night after going out to dinner to find an email saying that if we have discussed something and I do not do it after that, she will deduct $50 from my pay for EACH thing she notices. Now this isn't just child-related stuff. Her example was that she had mentioned to me about rinsing the sink after I brush my teeth. She said I didn't do it last night before I went out. She said this time she wouldn't deduct for that but she would be keeping an eye on me. I did actually rinse the sink before going out too. There was a little spot left that I noticed later that night which I took care of then. She wants to deduct $50 for that? Plus I'm really trying my best to meet her standards. Most of the things she may deduct for are things I would do during my "off" time. I don't think that's fair at all. If she is going to deduct it should only be for actual jobs during my work hours right? She's always finding something wrong when I clean, even if I go over it a bunch of times. It's like nothing's ever good enough for her.
Does this sound normal and should I just deal with it? Am I making too much out of this? Please let me know!
Amy

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
andrea
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:23:32 06/05/03 Thu

Amy,
first things first, did she discuss any of the necessary demands that she expects of you before you were hired? If so, were they demands that she made perfectly clear or where they lightly touched upon? It seems to me that she may be a tad bit anal but I am on the outside looking in. First and for most...If I have said this once I have said it a million times...always communicate FACE TO FACE, that way you can say what you want to say and vice versa. That whole email communication thing is absolutely that worst way to say what needs to be said. As far as quitting so early on...you have to ask yourself what is really important. Is it worth being stressed out so much that you end of dreading your job?..or can you find a way to deal with things correctly and iron them out to make it a positive situation? Being a live in nanny is really hard because the privacy is less and the demands are great so it is hard to find an equal balance. My suggestion to you is to sign a contract but make sure there is a balance on both ends. If there is ANYTHING that you feel uncomfortable about you discuss it before signing it...that is most important. And if they do not comply then you may want to find other work options. I do feel your pain but stand your ground and most of all communicate, communicate, communicate. If you need to chat directly my email is asadair@yahoo.com....stay strong and stand your ground. Remember you are a nanny not a slave. Good luck sweetie.
Andrea(cleveland nanny and mommy)

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
Kari
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 19:31:26 06/05/03 Thu

In My humble opinion NO amount of money is worth the "perfection" that is expected or the amount of humiliation that you are going through. I think you really need to consider leaving the position you are in now... Not only is your "work" affected but your life outside of work. It sounds worse than having a spouse:-) IMHO the sooner the better it will be for you to leave. I don't care what you are being paid.. sometimes higher paying jobs are just not worth it, especially when there is no self respect!

Kari

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: RUN!!! And Don't Look Back!!!

Author:
Julie
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 08:56:23 06/06/03 Fri

This woman, and probably her husband, are control freaks to the highest extreme I have ever heard of...and I studied obsessive-compulsive disorder in grad school pretty extensively. They have no right to micro-manage your off time at all, much less to the extreme they are trying. Not one of the things you mentioned she is upset about seems rational or relevent to your job. This is not a healthy environment for you, get out while you still can.
Please let us know what happens.
Julie

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: RUN!!! And Don't Look Back!!!

Author:
Tonya
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 17:58:00 07/17/03 Thu

I know I am jumping in here late, but I hope you read this. This is not normal, in any way, shape or form. Bag what anyone else has said about sticking it out or getting a contract now. #1, you should have had a contract before ever setting foot on their property, #2, it is ILLEGAL for her to deduct anything other than the legally required taxes from your paycheck without you agreeing to it in writing, and then it can only be done if it is a charge for training or a uniform that is required for the performance of your position and the exact same thing is required of any other candidate for the same position. #3, no matter how hard you try, you will never please this woman, and so you cannot possibly thing if you stay in there she will maybe get better and you will somehow get a good reference in the end. Better to leave now! Get out while you can.... immediately! OH, and in the future, if you need advice before taking a job/signing a contract, please e-mail me directly, I would be happy to help you.
tripletnanny@msn.com
tonya
Tonya

>This woman, and probably her husband, are control
>freaks to the highest extreme I have ever heard
>of...and I studied obsessive-compulsive disorder in
>grad school pretty extensively. They have no right to
>micro-manage your off time at all, much less to the
>extreme they are trying. Not one of the things you
>mentioned she is upset about seems rational or
>relevent to your job. This is not a healthy
>environment for you, get out while you still can.
>Please let us know what happens.
>Julie

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
Amy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 10:59:12 06/06/03 Fri

I talked to her today. The thing is I tend to not be very good at standing up for myself. Also, the way she explained it today seemed logical. I mean she said she wants things clean and neat for the kids. Kids learn by example and if they see clutter they will think they don't have to take care of it either. Also she said keeping things clean is for their health. Because kids touch everything. I mean it does make sense. But once I came back to my room (the boys are napping) I still felt like she's being obsessive about the cleaning. A little toothpaste in the sink has nothing to do with their health. And when I shower has nothing to do with any of that. Mainly she discussed the apartment with me, when I get in there. Most of it was general and I have no problem with that stuff. It's just that I feel she is going way too into detail. Like she talked to me about when they have peas for lunch. Sometimes you can't find them when the kids drop them because they blend into the carpet. She asked me to keep a closer eye. I literally go down on my hands and knees looking for them. Still not good enough for her! And she has admitted to sometimes not finding them for day�

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
Kate
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 14:01:48 06/06/03 Fri

Umm, probably a stupid question but why are they eating peas on carpet? If they are young enough to not be able to get their food in their mouths then why aren't they fed someplace like the kitchen?

>I talked to her today. The thing is I tend to not be
>very good at standing up for myself. Also, the way she
>explained it today seemed logical. I mean she said she
>wants things clean and neat for the kids. Kids learn
>by example and if they see clutter they will think
>they don't have to take care of it either. Also she
>said keeping things clean is for their health. Because
>kids touch everything. I mean it does make sense. But
>once I came back to my room (the boys are napping) I
>still felt like she's being obsessive about the
>cleaning. A little toothpaste in the sink has nothing
>to do with their health. And when I shower has nothing
>to do with any of that. Mainly she discussed the
>apartment with me, when I get in there. Most of it was
>general and I have no problem with that stuff. It's
>just that I feel she is going way too into detail.
>Like she talked to me about when they have peas for
>lunch. Sometimes you can't find them when the kids
>drop them because they blend into the carpet. She
>asked me to keep a closer eye. I literally go down on
>my hands and knees looking for them. Still not good
>enough for her! And she has admitted to sometimes not
>finding them for day�

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)
Author: Amy [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 07:23:54 06/16/03 Mon They have carpet under their table they eat meals at. They have a kitchenette and then a dining room. Amy [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
tonya
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 18:02:24 07/17/03 Thu

Amy,
get out of there! Not only is she neurotic, but she is now managing to convince you that she is right. And she is dead wrong!!!!!!! And, if you are going to stay in the nanny field, you are going to have to learn to stand up for yourself. There is no one else who will do it for you! I highly recommend attending the NAN conference in Chicago at the end of Sept! Being around so many professional nannies will help you understand so much more and how badly you are being treated. And I am speaking on contract negotiations. I hope you don't mind, I won't use names, but I am going to use your situation as an example if you don't mind.
Tonya

>They have carpet under their table they eat meals at.
>They have a kitchenette and then a dining room.
>Amy

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: Thinking About Quitting my job (Advice please...)

Author:
gia
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 18:49:11 08/17/03 Sun

Your post was a million years ago, so I am hoping that you are long gone from that slave job by now...but in case you're not---RUN, do not walk, away from that psychotic household. As another post said, you are a nanny, not a slave, period. Those demands are absolutely absurd and disgusting and offensive. No amount of money is worth your self-respect.

[ Post a Reply to This Message ]