My Swan (a short story) -- Poems for You and Me

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Date Posted: 17:05:58 07/07/01 Sat
Author: AngelInBound
Subject: My Swan (a short story)

This story was written when i was in year ten. I rec'd an A- for it.

My Swan

It sounded like thunder as the waves crashed up onto the cliff. The night was clear with thousands of sparkling stars in the sky, it was a full moon. A dog was howling in the distance.

Every night i have seen the same scene during my sleep and i am starting understand why.
I have been having a lot of problems at school and at home. I am 16 yrs old and i'm never allowed to gout with my friends. I don't have a job and i'm worrying non-stop about my future. i'm failing in English, Maths and Science at school, my mother is always blaming me for things i never do. Nara, my sister, can do no wrong in my mother's eyes but where i'm concerned, i'm a no hoper, i will go nowhere in life, my mother is always reminding me of that.
"Who's going to employ a loser who is failing English, Maths and science, hey? tell me that? you are a loser, that's what you are, a loser." my mother would scream at me.
I would scream back, "well maybe if you paid more attention to me, and didn't blame me for everything and allowed me to live my own life, i won't be a no hoper." with that i would storm out of the room and slam my bedroom door shut.

This is the way every fight ended with my mother. nce in my room, i would turn on my music and write in my journal.

Dear Diary,
I'm sick of living my life the way my mother wants me to live it, i'd rather not live it at all. I'm sick of being blamed for everything, school sux, life sux i wish mum would stay out of my life.

I would then throw on my PJ's and jump into bed and slowly be taken away to the rocks whre the waves crash up against the cliff. Every nite, i would discover a bit more about the cliffs but it would always start off the same way. Tonight after the cliffs, waves and rocks, i saw a white swan. It was the most beautiful creature i have ever seen. It just circled around the cliffs twice then landed on a smooth rock surface. It looked straight at me as if trying to tell me something, then with aflap of it's white wings, it flew off. Then the peaceful scene that would one day bring me an end to all my hurt and paiin would fade to black til it had disappeared.

The next morning, before my mother yelled from outside the door that it was time for me to get ready for school or else i would miss the bus, i tried to recall exactly what i had seen the nite before in my dream and what it was that the swan was trying to say.

School was a bore, as usual. The afternoon was turning out to be just another ordinary day, where i come home from school, mum and i have a fight, i end up storming off to my room, writing in my journal then going to bed and going to the secret place of my dreams, the cliffs. Tonight wasn't like the other nites. Tonight's dream was somewhat different. There was the waves, the swan but three was something else as well, i could smell the salt in the air as if i was actually there, i could feel the spray of the water as it hit the rocks and flew up towards me.

I heard the swan whisper "Cassie, you must break free, you can become a swan like me and fly free over the ocean and bring the peace into the land, if you would just learn to fly"

The scene then faded to black and the next thing i knew, i was awake, mother was in my room telling me that i had been coughing all morning and that when she came in i was saturated and she thought it best that i stay home from school. When she had left the room, i pulled out my diary and wrote a paragraph. It read.

Dear diary,

I am starting to understand the dream i have been having, everynight i am showed a new section of the dream but last night, the most magical thing happened. Last night i felt like i was there, standing on the cliff, i smelt the air, it was so real. The swan was speaking to me, it whispered my name, told me, i must break free, it told me to learn to fly. how could i fly. i don't have wings, i'm a human being. What did it mean by learning to fly? maybe i'll find out tonight. Well it's afternoon and i have had the worst day. Mum has been on at me all day, telling me that i am worthless and can't do anything. Well maybe she's right, maybe i can't do anything. No-one would care if i went away, if i died........

A miracle happened tonight, mum and i didn't haven an arguement but i went into my bedroom anyway, think she's just sucking up. I have a feeling that mum somehow knows that something weird is happening to me. that something bad is going to happen. Well we'll see tonight..... As i drift to sleep

The ocean's getting closer as i walk to wards my dream place, it's all thre, the waves crashing against the rocks, i feel the spray on my face and here the distant howl of the dog. There is one thing that is different, the moon, there is no moon, the clouds, cover it, there are no stars in the sky, the cloudsd cover it all. The swan, i see it flying towards me saying my name "cassie, cassie, you must learn to fly, you'll learn to fly tonight, u must fly with me tomorrow night, cassie, learn to fly, fly, fly free." as the swan flew away, he whispered into the wind. "follow the stips and u will learn to fly, just follow the steps. follow the steps"
I saw a person, her hair was blowing in the wind. It was the same length as mine, there was a break in the clouds and the moon shone through for a brief moment, just long enough for me to see her face. She was me, Cassie Lockett, well not me but a twin of me. She walked closer to the edge, closer and closer. Standing right on the edge, she put her arms out as if she was going to fly. She just let the wind push her over the edge, she made no sound as she flew down the cliff side. There was a silence in the air, ten i heart in the distance "follow the steps and u'll learn to fly just follow the steps"
As if in a daze, i walked to the edge, let the wind blow me over, i mde no sound as i fell, no sound at all. i was flying.......

I woke up at 12.30 and wrote what i had just experienced into my journal, finished it by saying "this is the last time I will be writing in this diary as tomorrow night i am flying, flying with my swan.

In the morning, i was up before my mother called me, i tried my best to be nice ithout making it obvious that something was different but no matter how hard i tried, mum still managed to start an arguement. So i gave up. left the house and caught the bust to school. At school, my teacher, miss borknose, told me that i looked happier, she said that there ws a sparkle in my eyes that wsn't usually there. At three o'clock the bell rang to go home, I said goodbye to all my friends and told them to take care and to enjoy their lives, they all thought i was crazy.

When i got home, i went straight into my bedroom and wrote a letter which read.

Dear family and friends

I'm sorry that it turned out this way but i can't take the pain anymore. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your life, mum i'm sorry that we were always fighting and i wish i'd spent a lot more time with you and gotten to know you. I don't know how to tell you this but when you put me down it hurt me so much, well what i'm trying to say is that i love you and i love Nara although i didn't show it, i really did love you. i love all my friends and i wish you all the best. Like i said before i wish it had turned out differently but there ws just too much pain. I'm free of it now. as free as a bird. I'm flying free.

Love you all
Cassie Lockett

PS, mum you never knew i liked poetry, there's a lot of things you never knew but here's a sample of my poetry...

Suicide ( now called I've seen the sunset on my poetry site)

I watch the sunrise each day
and watch it set again
another day goes by
bringing me more pain.

more pain which causes
so much grief inside
more pain of which
there is no need to hide.

the sun will rise and fall
but the pain will never go
it'll live within my soul
and that pain u'll never know

I'll keep it deep inside
and say i am okay
but i force myself
to live, yet, another day

And when thre's too much
pain inside
i'll leve a note saying
why i die

i no longer have
any pain to hide
for i have committed
suicide!

With the letter written. I put it on my bed where my mother would most likely find it. I then waited for everyone to go to bed. I waited another half an hour for them to fall asleep.

When the time came, it was 9.30pm

I quietly opened the door of my bedroom and then the front door. and walked out into the darkness of the night. I kept walking until i came to the place that looked like my dream cliff, it was just like in my dream.

I could smell the salt in the air, i felt the spray of the water as the waves crashed against the rocks, i heart the distant howl of the dog, the sky was clouded and the swan.... it was thre. i saw it flying up above circing, waiting for me to join him, to join his freedom. I heard him whisper "Cassie, it's time."

I walked to the edge of the cliff, i stood there for a moment, just looking down, then as i closed my eyes, i lifted my arms and allowed the wind to push me over the edge. I was flying, flying free with my swan, the swan that took my pain away. I was free of the hurt inside. It was gone, all gone, i yelled into the night as i flew with the swan "I'm free, free, it feels so good".

By Kellie Austin

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