Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 17:44:39 11/13/07 Tue
Hi, Pauline,
As you are undoubtedly aware, for God to forgive you, you have to repent. Repenting means, among other things, acknowledging the part of what you did that you were responsible for. So let me take some of the things you said and comment on them. I hope this will be helpful.
"i know many will judge me but i had no choice."
Did someone physically drag you to the abortion facility and hold you down? Of did you walk through the door under your own power? But keep in mind that we cannot possibly condemn you like you are capable of condemning yourself. And the devil would love it if you would keep on condemning yourself for the rest of your life.
"i feel like i need someone who will understand where im coming from."
I think I do. But you can't just get stuck where you are. You need emotional and spiritual healing.
"Sometimes i wish i didnt do it and that my parent swould hav gotten used to it but i knw my dad would have disowned me."
Actually, you assumed your dad would have disowned you. You are 20 years old, and legally an adult. And if your dad was at all typical, he would have come to accept his grandchild eventually. It takes time in some cases. We have to give our parents the time.
I have been in the position where your dad was. I have a grandchild who was born out of wedlock. I love him dearly. It is unfortunate that people don't accept and support their grandchildren from the outset. But some people don't. For me, the decision was instantaneous. This was my grandchild, and I was grateful that his parents didn't harm him. Your dad really did have a responsibility to welcome your child, and if he failed to do so, or if they put pressure on you, that was wrong. Women are vulnerable to coercion in this position. Don't take emotional and spiritual responsibility for any coercion you experienced. Also, don't take emotional and spiritual responsibility if in the past they conveyed to you that if you ever got pregnant, you should get rid of your baby. Only take responsibility for the part you played in it. Did your boyfriend pressure you? Again, don't take responsibility for any pressure he applied to you. If he did pressure you, he's not worthy of you. On the other hand, did he want to protect his child but felt he couldn't say anything? Guys tend to clam up about their problems. They don't want to talk about it. It's just the way most of them are.
One problem many women have is that they are not aware of the resources available to them. We have a network of over 4000 crisis pregnancy agencies which will help women with problems like yours. You probably didn't know about this resource. I fault the media and the public for not making this fact widely known. Don't take the blame for not knowing about this resource.
God loves you so much He died for your sins, including the sin of abortion. Let me tell you about the wonderful God we have. Remember King David? He sent a man to the front lines of battle, hoping he would be killed so David could have his wife, Bathsheba. But David repented, and God forgave him. Not only did He forgive David, but He said that David was a man after His own heart, and placed him as an ancestor of Jesus. And let me tell you about Paul. At one point, he was going around killing innocent Christians, murdering them. He was present when Stephen was stoned. At that point, he was known as Saul. So what did God do about it? He called Saul on the road to Damascus, and made him the Apostle to the Gentiles. I owe my faith to his preaching, because he preached to my ancestors. If God will forgive David and Paul, He will forgive you. So that is why you must repent and ask God for forgiveness. Acknowledge that you walked through the door of the abortion facility with your own legs, and tell God how sorry you are. Once you have received God's forgiveness, you then need to forgive yourself. That will probably be hard. But remember, forgiveness is not an emotion. It is a decision. It is the decision to take the hurt into yourself and accept it. When forgiving yourself for your abortion, tell God that you are accepting His forgiveness and relying on His promises, and that you don't want to forgive yourself, so He will have to help you. You need emotional and spiritual healing. We will be here for you, and there are also provisions at crisis pregnancy agencies for women who are seeking emotional and spiritual healing. Go to your local agency and find out what provisions they have for women in your position. Most of the time, the people who work with women are women who have experienced abortion themselves, so they know exactly where you are coming from.
May the Lord bless and keep you,
Pat
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