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This board is for women who are suffering after an abortion, and want a place to express their pain and get support for healing.

This is a moderated board and personally abusive messages will not be approved.

For any questions about this board or for a free packet of healing information, email DCHERYL51@yahoo.comorCHERYL51@mail.com

For online resources Silent No More Awareness

Operation Outcry

Unplanned Pregnancy Message Board

Also here is my website: Post Abortion Help and Healing


Subject: Please help me


Author:
Anonymous-G
[Edit]
Date Posted: 15:22:48 03/23/04 Tue
i was in my relationship with my current boyfriend for 5 monthes and 6 days when we found out i was 6 weeks pregnent on february 19th,2004...it was accident..i was on the pill for the first time since september and they didn't tell me antibiotics would supress the pill...i was on antibiotics from the end of december on and thats when i got pregnent...when i was at the hospital they told me the baby had a heart beat and i saw it on the ultrasound...i wanted to keep it so badly...and so did my boyfriend...but we had to carefully consider our options..i'm 18 and a freshmen in college with no job and my boyfriend is 20 going to college and working fulltime we felt it wouldn't be right to bring a child into this world that we couldn't provide for financially....but i still wanted to keep it...i didn't care about the struggle i wanted the baby but i talked myself into getting the abortion because i didn't want to ruin our chances chances for the future...i want to graduate on time and i want to marry him and have a big house filled with kids and i thought having the baby would ruin that...so on march 5th i had the abortion at 8 weeks....and i haven't been the same since...all i do is cry i cant stand seeing or dealing with anything to do with babies i didn't even go home for my baby cousins first birthday party because i didn't want to be around babies...i hate myself.i'm so angry with myself for going through with it and i blame myself for the pain me and my boyfriend are going through right now..all i do i sleep all the time and sometimes i wish i could sleep forever if it would make the pain go away and i feel bad because i think my boyfriend blames himself for being so unhappy when he has nothing to do with it...he has been great,..he's there for me when i need him...he's my shoulder to cry on...but yet even talking and crying it out is not making it better...i feel like i'm sinking into depression more and more everyday and i want it to go away...i wish everything was back to normal again...i'm afraid he'll leave me because i'm always upset even though he promises me that he wont but i still worry about pur future more than ever...i wish i could take back the abortion and be pregnent again i would have made three monthes this thursday...but i wont...and i hate myself so much....and what makes it worse the baby would have been born right around my birthday in october....is there anything anyone can do to help me please....i wanna get better so badly...i want help i just dont know where to go for it...

Replies:
Subject: The abortion procedure.


Author:
Jesse
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:13:29 02/20/05 Sun
I am getting an abortion soon. Do I have to have someone come with me to the clinic?

Replies:
Subject: Someone Help Me Cope With This Pain


Author:
Amber
[Edit]
Date Posted: 12:41:25 11/24/04 Wed
It's been almost a year since I had my abortion. And I can't cope with it. I can't talk to anyone, not even my boyfriend or my best friend. I feel so alone. All I can do is cry. I cry every day, for hours, alone. I am starting to shut out the world. I don't care about school anymore. I don't care about being around my friends & family. I feel so guilty & depressed.
My boyfriend & I had been together for two and a half years before we had sex with one another. The first time we didn't use protection. But then I decided we should buy a box of condoms to be safe. It was our third time when the condom broke. I knew as soon as he pulled out that I was pregnant. Don't ask me how, I just did. I cried for hours because I was scared. Two weeks later I took a total of four pregnancy tests & got four positive results. I was 17 years old & he was 16 years old.
At first I was petrified. I panicked. But those fears were replaced by excitement & happiness. I love children. I love babies & toddlers. I have three younger siblings myself. Together we decided we would keep our baby. It was the right thing to do. I began looking up names & parenting skills online. I was ready to give up everything for my child. I fell in love with the baby growing inside of me. I loved it more than I loved myself.
I was hanging out with my boyfriend on a double date with his best friend & his best friend's girl. My Mommy called my boyfriend's cell. He handed it over to me with a grim look on his face. I took it & that's when she asked me, "Are you pregnant?" I started crying. She told me that she had found everything I looked up on the computer. For weeks we fought. Then she told me that I had to make a decision. She told me that she supported me, but sometimes I don't think she did.
I feel like my Mommy talked me into getting an abortion. I was on this medication from my dermatologist. My Mommy told me that she did research on it & that it was harmful to a developing fetus. I feel like she got it so engraved in my head that my baby would be born unhealthy, I believed her. I don't want to sound like I am blaming my Mommy. I don't want to blame her.
I wish she had taken me home from the clinic on the day I went for my abortion. I sat in the library across the street for close to an hour crying hysterically. I told her so many times that I just can't go through with it. That I'll die if I get rid of my own baby. But then she looked so disappointed. So upset with me. I said, "okay" & did it. I was so drugged up afterwards I couldn't feel anything. I just felt empty. I will never forget, when I got out of the hospital bed, I looked down at my feet. I was standing in a puddle of blood. I cleaned it up with my socks like it was nothing.
I feel like I am lying to myself by telling myself that what I did was right. I feel like a horrible person. I am still with my boyfriend. We will have been together for close to 4 years now. He doesn't know what to do with me. Whenever I burst into tears in front of him I won't let him near me to comfort me. I am pushing him away. I feel like he doesn't share the same feelings I do about what happened. I blame him for everything. I love him. I really do. And I love the baby that I gave up.
Somebody please help me. I can't go on like this anymore. I can't deal with this pain. It hurts so bad. I'm driving myself insane. I talk to my baby every night before I go to bed. Apologizing over & over again for being so stupid. I write apologies to my child on my stomach in pen. When I wake up in the morning I am covered in ink because I keep my hands over my stomach. I guess I dream about being pregnant. I can't eat & I sleep every second I am not at school or work. I am losing weight like crazy. I stay up really late crying. [Like now for example]. I am dying. I know I am. Very slowly. To some extent it is what I want. I want to join my baby wherever s/he is.
I can't enjoy anything anymore. I can't watch movies where some girl is or ends up getting pregnant. I can't hang around people who have children, especially babies. I envy them. I envy mothers. I just don't know what to do. I am begging - somebody please help me. Please.

Replies:
Subject: Empty


Author:
Lee
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:34:28 10/11/04 Mon
It's been four days since my abortion. I was thirteen and weeks when I found the most caring and amazing doctor, a days drive away. After dealing with my local doctor and abortion clinic,I had to find someone else to help me with my choice to end my pregnancy. My family doctor was appaled at my choice to abort and had no desire to help me with the situation. The abortion clinic was the same, telling me they couldn't help me. Period. I searched for an abortion clinic in my area and after calling dozens of clinics, found one. After schedualing my consult, I meet with the most caring woman I've ever met who anwsered all the questions this 21 year old had and when I cried she held my hand and told me I was a very brave woman and it would all be okay. The proceedure went great, little pain and discomfort, but now all I can do is cry. I've no appetite, no motivation to do anything but sleep and cry some more. I have been trying to get in touch with other women who have been through the same and can possibly offer guidence or tips on how they coped. I often find myself holding my empty stomach and wishing I was with my baby, this is not like me at all. Any ideas on coping would be muchly apprechiated.

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Subject: FREE POST ABORTION HEALING INFO


Author:
Diane Cheryl
[Edit]
Date Posted: 16:30:15 05/29/05 Sun
To all:
I will be glad to send you free postabortion healing literature if you like. Just email me at CHERYL51@aol.com
Please include your private mailing address.
Diane Cheryl
Subject: A poem-5 days post-abortion


Author:
Anna
[Edit]
Date Posted: 16:21:09 04/06/05 Wed
Spirit Angel



With big bright eyes and golden brown hair,
I can see your face, just like you were there.

I denied your existence when I said you weren’t real,
Little did I know all the pain I would feel.

I let you go because I thought it was best,
Thinking of others, denying my happiness.

I took away your right to live and your right to be born,
For this I’m so sorry and will forever mourn.

My heart aches so much from missing you,
My angel from God, my baby I never knew.

Created from much more than I let myself believe,
Of a love greater than I realized, you were conceived.

Beautiful and pure, you were destined to be,
Our little spirit angel, who we named Angeni.

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Subject: Please help mother of child is suffering


Author:
Jason
[Edit]
Date Posted: 01:41:05 05/26/05 Thu
Hello i am a very concerned caring father of a 22 month old girl. The mother of my child lied to me about being on the pill and used my current child to Replace the child she aborted from another man only 9 months before we met. everytime i tried to use protection when we had sex she would freak out and or try and remove or damage the protection (to set me up) after my child was born her mother freaked out and allowed me to do nothing. I have been doing research on post abortion stress syndrome and can relate every symptom to things she has done and keeps doing. I am trying to get custody of my daughter in court and need help getting someone to realize this is her problem and get her help to save my child from being "replacement baby" in her mothers eyes. I know this syndrome will affect my child in the future and also know it affects how she cares for my child but no one seems to think it does. please help. i live in milwaukee wisconsin and need a fathres group to talk to and stop this madness. I refuse to be viewed as a poor father statistic.

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Subject: Can't move on


Author:
Amanda
[Edit]
Date Posted: 11:02:33 04/21/05 Thu
I had an abortion on 7th January 2005. My boyfriend said he wasn't ready to be a father. At the time I felt that I couldn't support a baby on my own, as I was a student and in loads of debt. I found it so heartbreaking having the abortion, as a big part of me wanted to keep the baby. My boyfriend came with me when I had the abortion, and he looked after me afterwards. Then he just stood me up a week later, and wouldn't take my calls or contact me. I felt so alone. I went out with some friends a couple of weeks later and I saw him out. He told two of his female friends that I had aborted his baby without telling him, so when I left the club they were outside waiting for me, and I get beaten up. I just don't understand why he treated me like this. I feel so worthless and I'm finding it hard to carry on with my life. I've quit university and haven't got the motivation to do anything any more, and I don't like leaving the house in case I see my ex and his friends again. I don't know what to do, I just feel like everything's fallen apart and I can't move on.

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Subject: Abortion


Author:
Maddie
[Edit]
Date Posted: 00:31:46 04/27/05 Wed
I had my abortion on october 9th 2004, as a frshman in college. It wasnt my decision...i was told by my parents that i would be on my own with no help if i had the baby...i didnt have any money, a place to live, or a car. I didnt know what to do. The father was out of the picture because i was scared of his reaction, so i never told him. I suffer from manic depression and i am seeing a psychitrist and being put on medication. I cant forgive my self. I cant even hear another person talk about babies or anything without getting upset. I need to find a way to move on with my life but i cant seem to get over this. I was never told about how i would feel after and i never recieved counseling after. It is now 2 weeks till my due date wich happens to fall on mothers day. I dont know what to do i dont know if i can handle it. Can anyone help me please?

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Subject: I think I need help, I cannot bare the guilt anymore


Author:
Erika
[Edit]
Date Posted: 02:46:41 04/15/05 Fri
I really don't know how much I can take. I had an abortion one week ago today, the baby was 12 weeks. My boyfriend have been together for nine months and he is everything to me. I feel so detached from the world. I wanted children more than anything now I have no intrest in it once so ever. I feel I don't deserve it. I blame myself because no matter how hard I try I just cannot get a job I am intelligent and all that noone will goive me a go. So not having a job I had no money to take care of it. And now I relise that thats what family is for - support, I was just to big of a cowardto ask. And now Im the mother to a dead baby. When I had the ultrasound, I swear I could hear the heart beating away, I couldnt bear to look but I had a peak, and only though it was only for a split second it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I sat down and the doctor said are you sure about this, and I said yes, Oh how I wish I took an extra second to think, he gave me some tablets to dilate my cervix a bit because the baby was a little bit bigger to perform a regular abortion. And the thing that kills me the most is that I cannot help thinking the baby keeps thinkng what it had done wrong, why didnt mummy want me? I have been having suicidal thoughts, I wont do it because I believe I should live with this, Im a monster, Ive had no sleep and I told my boyfriend Im sorry for killing our baby, he's upset, and says it's not my fault. Of course it is, he wasnt the one who took the pills. Ive become dependant on him, and I am someone who usually enjoys their own company too much, now I cannot bare the thought of being alone, he cant be with me all the time he has to go to work.
Am I the worst person in the world? I believe to think so, noone can forgive what I did. And when my day comes to be judged by God, He wont let me in, he'll send me straight down which is half of what I deserve.
And I swear I felt the baby move a few days prior to the abortion as if to say dont do this Mum.
I want to be with my baby, I want to hold it in my arms and tell it I love you just one more time. Now Im the mother to a dead baby, and I cant live with that.

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Subject: WHAT WAS I THINKING????


Author:
MO
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:25:52 03/24/05 Thu
REPOST
Well on April 30, 2001 I had my first abortion. At the time I was a sophomore in college and I live 4 hours away from home. I thought that having an abortion would be the best decision for me. I knew I couldn't take care of a baby, and I knew I wanted to finish school. I didn't tell the father because he lived 4 hours away and I thought he would try to deny my baby, and I didn't want that. So I went to have the "procedure" done. I asked to be put to sleep because I didn't want to remember what was going on. When I came out of the clinic, my friend said that I looked like I didn't have a care in the world. And that's exactly how I felt. I had no pains and I was in a great mood. I even went to work that night, and then to a party when I got off. The horrible thing I had down didn't sink in until months later. I beginned to feel like my soul was lost, because I didn't have any regrets. Even though I felt like I had every right to have a abortion, I still knew it was wrong, because I was raised in the church. So every year on the anniversary of the abortion and my due date, I have the worst day. I still think about it every day, but those days are my worst. Well, on March 22, 2004 I found out that I was pregnant again. I told the father (who already has 2 kids) and his exact words to me were, "Honestly, I don't want any more kids". After a couple of days I decided to take that trip to the clinic again. I knew what I was getting into this time. I knew the emotional toll it would have on me. This pregnancy was like deja vu. I got pregnant in the same month, by the same man, found out I was pregnant on the same day, had the abortion in the same month, and I was due on the same day. Deep down I felt like this was a sign from GOD, but still I rejected his blessing. Anyway, this time I was woke the whole time. The medicine they gave me to numb me never kicked in. So I felt everything. It was horrible. I had the nurse put a oxygen mask over my mouth to muffle my screams. I couldn't even walk out. The father had to carry me out. I totally learned my lesson this time. Me and him are no longer talking. The day after the abortion, I told the father about the first abortion. I stopped talking to him shortly after that day because I felt like I left our relationship and friendship in that room with our baby. I should have felt that way after the first time. I just hope GOD will forgive me and once again give me his blessing. I think I'm ready to start healing. I know this is very long, but I had to get it off me chest.

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Subject: There is hope after abortion!


Author:
Jen
[Edit]
Date Posted: 04:41:30 04/04/05 Mon
Dear all,

I've been studying the affects of abortion on women, men, and society for almost 3 years on my own time, while doing so, I've come across a wonderful organization: www.silentnomoreawareness.org

"Silent No More" is a group of post-abortive women and men who speak in public about how their abortions affected their lives, as well as their family and friends. They want all women (and men) who are suffering after their abortions to know that they are not alone in their grief and that they do not have to suffer in fear and in silence.

They hope that their testimonies will educate the public about the magnitude of grief their abortions brought them and will help women avoid walking in the same painful footsteps of abortion. They are no longer silent because they believe silence only allows more women to be hurt...

Their website has a huge list of abortion-recovery programs that are held all across the US and in some other countries as well.

I have several friends who have taken abortion recovery classes and said it worked wonders! It's not easy and it may seem more painful at first, but the classes really helped them through the grieving process and they found a great deal of healing and peace by the time the classes were over.

My close friend, Christine, works with "Silent No More" in Detroit. At 17 she had her first abortion, it wasn't much later that she found herself heavily abusing drugs and alcohol trying to dull and forget her pain. She was also very angry and emotional shortly after her abortion which caused many problems in her life. Things only got worse after her second abortion...)

In her testimony, she gives women hope for emotional and spiritual healing... she has turned her life around and is currently happily married with children. She says that the scars from her two abortions are still with her, but she has been been able to find peace knowing that she can't change what was done, but can help other women avoid the same choice that almost killed her.

Some classes meet once a week for 8-12 weeks, some are shorter and retreat-like; meeting for a weekend, others are different as well. Most classes are free, but some cost $30-50+ to cover your workbooks, food, other expenses (but if you can't afford it, they will usually waive the cost) it all depends on where you go.

I've helped out with a gathering (that was hosted at my school, Wayne State University in Detroit) and the women were so kind and caring... we were able to reach out to many of the students.

On their website, they have a list of their planned events. I encourage people to support them (They are very brave and I have the most respect and awe for them), even if it's just standing in the crowd and listening... many women find comfort in knowing that they are not alone.

Abortion affects women so much more deeply than we know. I am not post-abortive, but abortion did cross my mind when I found out I was pregnant at 19. There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about how my child's life was in danger... abortion has had a huge affect on me and I've never even lost a child to it. If it hurts me this much, I can only imagine what it's like to have walked in your shoes.

My heart goes out to all of you who suffer and I've shed many tears reading your testimonies! I understand your grief and heartache... I wish there was a way to instantly take the pain away!

I pray that you all find healing and peace. Just know that you are NOT alone and that there are many people out there to help you.

Peace, hope, love,

Jen, 24
Liberty, 4

Feel free to contact me, my e-mail is open to everyone.
Subject: Feel really lost a week after my abortion


Author:
Lindsey
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:28:44 03/24/05 Thu
Well it has been exactly a week since my abortion and after all the pain, cramping, bleeding etc. i am now starting to be hit with the emotional side of things...for the past 7years i have been on and off again with my significant other....he is the man of my dreams but over the past 6months we have been in an awful place...we have been intimiate obviously and i found out in november that is dating someone else while being with me....so the past few months have been not the best so when i found out i was pregnant i really had no choice not only was he involved with someone else who knew nothing of me but those closest to me my family etc. didn't know we were still intimate...when i told the father of this baby he was shocked and supportive he went to my appointment with me and spent the entire past week listening to me cry and complain about almost everything...but now i regret it because i realize even if he doesn't love me anymore i wanted this baby his baby....i always said i would never bort a pregnancy but now i have and i just feel so lost having ended my baby's life and now admitting to myself the father and i should be done i am just a wreck and no one knows but him what i have gone through....just knowing others out there know what i am going through maybe some of you have some advice to help me start healing cause i let my mind think for a moment and i lose it and breakdown.

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Subject: Scared and Confused


Author:
Amy
[Edit]
Date Posted: 14:26:57 03/10/05 Thu
I am 27 years old and I had an abortion 2 days ago. I think that reality is just starting to set in because I have wanted to do nothing but bust into tears and cry all day today. I feel that my decision was selfish and that I will be punished for it in the long run. I got pregnant by my Ex-Husband. Although he said that he would support my decision either way, he's really not much of a dad to our 2 1/2 year old daughter. My family is super uptight so I asked him to get back with me just until the baby was born so I could have it with some kind of dignity but he refused. I am having a hard time right now grasping what I did and in a way I know that it's only been a few days. If I could go back two days and take it back I would in a second. I try to convince myself that it was for the best, but in my heart I know that it was not the right decision. So now what, when and how does the healing process begin, and how do I get over thinking that I am somehow going to be miserable and punished for the rest of my life for what I have done. Will life ever be normal again. Help.

Replies:
Subject: Just began the struggle!


Author:
courtney
[Edit]
Date Posted: 21:13:48 03/10/05 Thu
I had an abortion 6 days ago, and I am having a Very hard time dealing with it! I want to go back, I want it back! I have been overcome with depression and lonliness I am 17 and living on my own, my boyfriend and I are still together but he doesnt really understand what i am going through, it hurts so deep I feel like they took my soul out and now I want it back!! sometimes I forget and I think about how cute and precious my baby will or would have been! I want to hold it so bad.. and I know that because of what I have done i wont ever get to know my own child my own creation!! And the worst thing about it is that I KNOW I cant take it back!! I felt that i should listen to everyone and do the SMART thing, but now I wish I would have listened to MY HEART!! I wanted my baby, even though it would have been hard to do alone I was ready to do it, and I will never forgive myself for doing what I have done!! Please help I feel so lost and alone!!

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Subject: Still Struggling


Author:
Hope
[Edit]
Date Posted: 13:27:15 03/03/05 Thu
I don't really know where to start. I mean it feels like it was a dream somtimes just a bad dream. Then I wake myself up and realize no Hope you really did kill your baby. It wasn't a bad dream it was a real life nightmare.
I nearly destroyed myself and everything around me. I hurt so many people.
I was 16, and so scared. I didn't realize then what I do now. I didn't have to be alone.
I struggle so much every day not to let this tear me apart. It's been three years. WIll it ever stop killing me inside?
I remember wishing it would all just go away. Then I threw it away and now I would give anything to have it back. I've been through so much with this whole ordeal. I just get so damn tired of hurting. The worst part about it is no one even knows I hurt still. That makes me feel even more alone.
The guy I was with at the time had been my boyfriend for a year. I got pregnant and for whatever reason I had an abortion. I'm not going to make excuses because I know it wouldn't make any of this better.
My boyfriend (now ex)dealt with it so much better. I would hurt and cry and beg him to just help me live with myself but he said i was just being stupid. About 6mo. after we broke up he called me and realized what I had been going through because he was going through the same thing at that moment.

We broke up because he became violent and abusive. Now I know that would not have been a good environment for a baby. I just wish thing could have been different. I miss my baby so much.
does this pain heal, or just weaken? It doesn't hurt as much as it did three years ago. I'm stronger now. I just kind of need someone to talk to when I get low. BecauseI feel so alone at times. Like I have no one to share in my grief.
Thanks for letting me get some of it off my chest.

Replies:
Subject: So confused


Author:
Jessica
[Edit]
Date Posted: 01:17:24 04/03/04 Sat
Im so so confused. I took a prego test yesterday and it was positive!!!! I have a 18mth son and hes the best thing that ever happened to me. Now that he is getting older I feel a little more free and dont know if i want to lose this feeling. Im only 20 and the thought of having two kids is so scary.
In one way I think getting all over with well im so young could be a great thing. Then on the other hand its another baby...
My husband and I have talked and we made a apointment for a abortion but its in 20 days and we havent made up our mind we just wanted to have all the options open.
Im so shocked by being prego that I find it hard to think about anything else. I dont know if i could go though geting rid of it. It make me sick thinking of it...I feel selfish by even thinking of it.
HELP HELP...
I cant even make myself go to the doctors to see how far i am...tho i know im probably only 4-6 weeks......I feel so bad that im feeling like this.
Please Please write me and give me some advise, ill be so thankful...Jess

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Subject: Suppose to get an abortion


Author:
Jackie
[Edit]
Date Posted: 10:19:42 03/03/05 Thu
I am 21 yrs old I have 2 children already... I left my husband on Christmas 2004 so jus now barley 2 months ago... I moved in with another man the same day n now I am sittin here a lil while later pregnant with the other mans baby.. I know i dont want to kill this baby but the daddy wants me too I am now tryin to work things out with my hubby an I dont think he could ever accept this baby!! I am so confused.. hurt... and desperate to hear someone say its goin to b okay.... PLEASE if anyone is readin this what am I goin to do??????

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Subject: married and had an abortion


Author:
ann
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:11:30 02/17/05 Thu
I met my soul mate. I married him 6 months later. We had talked about children and decided that if I do get pregnant then it would be happy thing. This talk was before the month of our wedding. Hubby lost his job right after the talk and we began arguing every day after the wedding, due to adjustments and new house and new life journey ect. January 1st, I found out I was pregnant. I never thought that I would make it through all those nights I cried. I thought my hubby would be happy , I thought I would be happy, but with the way we were angry and the we had no money and we couldn't even take care of ourselves, we had talked about the abortion. We agreed that we would work on our marriage and counseling and also learn to care for each other so that we could have a child in a home of love. Also, we would find a way to save money for the future. I was so sick for 5 weeks. My belly grew and I became attached, and each day we argued. I knew in my heart that I couldn't keep it this time because I am a sick person and was so sick and we didn't have insurance and I had just started a new job, I physically and emotionally wouldnt of been able to handle it. I know this. BUt it doesn't mean I am okay. My hubby told me later that he too was so very sorry and that he wanted the baby, he said I could keep it but it would be a rough road. January 22nd was the worst day of my life, and every time I see a kid I burst into tears. I never wanted kids. But that was because I hadn't met someone I wanted to have kids with. Now I do. now I know how bad it hurts. When two people are in love, married and are soul mates, there is no reason they shouldn't keep their blessing. I learned from this. And I will never forget it.

Replies:
Subject: Constant Pain


Author:
Callie
[Edit]
Date Posted: 00:14:47 02/16/05 Wed
Last summer i had my abortion. I was 2 months and 8 days. Im crying as i type this because i feel so empty and so hurt. I remember going to the clinic and there were a whole bunch of protesters outside of it. They started yelling at me and telling me not to make a stupid choice and that i shouldnt do that to my baby its murder. They were yelling at my mom "i cant wait to be a grandmother why are u making her do this!" What kind of people are u! i just closed my eyes and walked into the clinic. I wanted to start balling because it was true...deep inside i knew i was doing the wrong thing. So i sat down with my mom and i waited 4 about a 1/2 hour then they switched me into a differnt room idk why but it was a smaller waiting room where there were less women. I started crying softly to my mom telling her i wanted to go it wasnt right i needed to leave that sickning palce but my mom shook her head and told me"youre this far ur doing it okay?" nicely though. When i got into the actual room the nurses had me take off my pants and sit on the damn table they did it on. I remeber waiting 4 the doctor and jsut being so cold in the room and looking around it. i started to cry softly and told myself.." i cantt do this..." i stood up but then right as i almost had the COURAGE to walk out the doctor came in. and i sat back down. I couldnt be awake for it so they put me to sleep. I woke up in a daze and i swear on everything i asked the nurse at LEAST 7 times "im not pregnant anymore?"
to this day im trying to get pregnant because counsiling nothing will help but another pregnancy. im only 16.. but i have no other goals in my life that to have another baby. it may not be the right decition money wise in the far future but ill manage im willing to except EVERY responsibility. I loved my baby even tho i killed it...i remember crying the WHOLE night b4 my abortion..laying on my back holding my stomach.. and reapeating myself im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry forgive me...

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Subject: Urgent question regarding post checkup


Author:
ANN
[Edit]
Date Posted: 08:35:00 02/17/05 Thu
I have my post op checkup today and I just noticed I started , does anyone know if I can still go and get my check up even though???

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Subject: A Man's Trauma


Author:
Andrew
[Edit]
Date Posted: 08:43:19 01/30/05 Sun
Just over a year ago my girlfriend got pregnant. When I heard the news, I was overjoyed. I was 34 and felt that the time was right for me. Initially, my girlfried was happy but suddenly started talking about having an abortion because she didn't feel secure about having the baby. She wanted to be married and close to her family when she had a baby. I explained that I wanted the baby and would support her in any way. However, this wasn't enough and when she told me that she was going to abort, I explained that I would support her whatever she did - I felt that it was ultimately her choice.

One year later, we broke up in largely because of the abortion.

Now that I am alone, I have been thinking about the abortion and it is killing me. I feel as though I should have pleaded with her to have the baby - I feel as though I didn't do enough to encourage her that we could have a great future - I feel as though I should have married her -I feel as though we should have announced the pregancy to our families as they would have supported us in having the baby. Basically, I feel sad and guilty. Every time that I see a baby I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I am not religious person but felt a need to recognize the existence of the fetus, which would of course have become a child, so I went to a Catholic church to light a candle in remebrance/acknowledgement of its existence. I am hoping that this may help me get over it but it doesn't - the pain is still there.

Can anyone suggest ways of overcoming this pain?

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Subject: Eager College Student


Author:
India
[Edit]
Date Posted: 03:23:11 01/17/05 Mon
Yesterday, I had an abortion. I agonized over the procedure and decision for about a month before making my decision. The father of the unborn child cares absolutely nothing about me or the pregnancy and make several promise to help me pay for the procedure and stay with me during the appointment, etc. I believed him until he stopped answering my phone calls. So I talk to the unborn and God and made a promise that if this every happens again, I will have the child but I will terminate this pregnancy due to the fact that I have one year left in undergrad. I have all these things lined up in my future and one careless night I made the biggest mistake in my life yet. I spent two weeks looking for the right clinic. During my stay in the office (I was there like six hours) the assistants treated me with the utmost care and one woman in particular made it a point to make sure I was ok throughout my stay. The procedure was not easy (I am being as real as possible) but I made it just like everyone else. I was ok hours after leaving the clinic and even until about three o'clock today but then it dawned on me that I lost a part of me that I will never get to know. I explained to my unborn child that this is a very hard world to live in and I want to make sure his/her entrance would be the best possible. Growing up African-American in this country is not easy despite the fact that people believe race relations are progressive ...the fact is that they are no one near equal--especially in the south. So, I did the best thing for me and my unborn child. I am really sad today but I certainly look forward to tomorrow, when I can help provide the best options and opportunities for my children.

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Subject: Abortion


Author:
Tina
[Edit]
Date Posted: 00:55:20 02/11/05 Fri
Just last weekend I got an abortion. The date was Feb/05/05. So it was not to long ago at all. My boyfriend and I where using protection and I was on birth control. Till then I found out I was pregnant. I was so happy. So was my boyfriend. Him and I both wanted to keep the baby. His parents said no.His parents would not allow it because we where not married yet. They told us they would give us the money to go and get it done.I couldnt handle it. So i started to cry. I didnt want to get it done at all. Then my boyfriend said I should tell my parents. They might help us.I asked him what was he thinking your 21 and im only 18 yes im still young where both still very young.I told him do you think my parents would let me keep the baby? no. So I got it done. I dont remember anything that day i was really drugged. I know when I woke up i dropped to the ground crying my eyes off.My boyfriend picked me up and we both started to cry together. His parents started to cry also. I have been sad and feeling empty inside. I cry myself to sleep every night and tell my self im a bad person for killing my baby. Then I would ask my self if it would of made any diffrence if my parents both knew. I wouldnt know because I never told them and they still dont know. Its been mostly hard on me though. I had the baby inside of me I had to go threw everything. IM so depressed.

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Subject: hello


Author:
Dee
[Edit]
Date Posted: 20:12:48 10/05/04 Tue
Hello, i am coping after my abortion that I had last friday. im in that state of regret, grief, mourning, anger, and all in all just depressed. I do not know how to deal with it.

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Subject: It came back to haunt me


Author:
Susan
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:24:48 12/18/04 Sat
My daughter would have been 2 this past August. I always said I would never have an abortion. I was also very Pro-Life. But then it happened. I found myself pregnant, 19 an pretty much alone. Oh yeah, I had my boyfriend, but he was very abusive. Said he hoped he would never have a daughter becuase he was afraid of what he would do if he did. See he is a pedifiler, he left me for a 15 year old when he was 22, and when he was 23 had sex with a 13 year old. My parents played a big part too. They told me I was blackening the family name and I was an embarrassment and leading a sinful life. They pushed and pushed for the abortion. A couple days later, I was just so overwhelmed that I decided to look into it, only to quiet them. But one thing led to another and one appointment led to the other. I was in a daze, a walking zombie. I did not think I would even go through with it even that day. I kept wanting to scream, no no no. Don't do it. But no words came out of my mouth. After the first appointment with the dialators, I prayed harder than I ever had in my life, just for something to happen and the abortion not to work. Bad thing was, immediately after the dialators were put in I went into labor. I was so sick that day but still kept praying and hoping and praying and begging for forgiveness. I remember every part of it except the delivery. I remember going the next day and being sick and my water breaking and everything else. Then October of 2003 I found out I was pregnant again. I was so scared but knew I could not go through with it. In May of 2004 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. While I was pregnant, I kept thinking that maybe after the baby was born it would help me hurt less about the daughter I lost. Boy was I wrong. About a week ago the abortion again hit me like a ton of bricks in my head and heart. The only other two times that I ever felt this down was when I had the abortion and when the due date came around. I am now at my witts end and don't know what to do anymore. I feel like dying and crying and feel like a murderer. I am turning to sites like this for help because I can't burrow up the strength to talk to anyone about it in person. I feel like everyone will judge me and condemn me. These feelings aren't unfounded. I have tried to talk to people and they just say I deserve to feel this way. I killed a human being they say murdered a living soul. So I am turning to people who know and understand how I feel. Please do not judge me or turn your backs on me like others do. Please respond and help me to understand how to get through this. I am begging you and I dont beg. Please Please Please.
Thank you for your time.
AngelBaby

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Subject: Silent No More


Author:
Jen
[Edit]
Date Posted: 09:59:18 01/08/05 Sat
On January, 24th, at 11am, over 100 women (and even some men) who've experienced abortion will be leading the annual "March for Life" parade on Capital Hill, Washington, DC. They will be holding "I regret my abortion" signs while marching in rememberence of the children they lost to abortion. Following them will be hundreds of thousands of people.

Following the parade, infront of the United States Supreme Court, at 5pm, these post-abortive women (and fathers also) will be giving their testimonies. They hope to inform the public that women deserve better that abortion, and that abortion hurt emotionally, physically, spiritually. And they also want to give hope for healing to post-abortive women in the audience.

I urge people to attend this gathering and give support to these brave women who realize that their silence of post-abortion pain only leads to more women being hurt.

Peace,

Jen
Subject: Is this Normal????


Author:
Sophie
[Edit]
Date Posted: 23:55:40 12/23/04 Thu
I had an abortion on Novermber 20, 2004. I felt that it is the best thing to to because I am way to young still in college and yes, I might be in love but I sometimes have my doubts. When I found out I was pregnant I was like so sad and depressed the whole day. I couldn't even think about how I was going to tell my parents or if i even wanted to tell them at all. I talked to my boyfriend about it and in a way he was happy but sad at the same time. He stayed with me the whole day because I didn't want to be left alone. He said that we really should tell our parents and I was really scared and didn't want to( i never did either). He really wanted to tell his mom so he did. His mom's 1st thoughts were that we were way to young and that we should really think about our options before deciding on anything she said that she would sopport us 100% in anything that we did but to think about it really hard and that we had to think about our futures too. She then talked to me privately and said that she had gotten pregnat when she was young too but that she had decided to have an abortion because she was way to young and wanted to finish college.She clearly said that she was not telling me this so that I could have one but so that I could know that I'm not alone if it is an option and that there are many women that do do it, cause I was scared. I told her that i felt that all my plans for the future were ruined but at the same time could see how it could have be a sign from god or something. Anyways to make a long story short I decided to have the abortion because Im still college and I really want to go to law school in the future and keep up my good grades. She said she supported me and said she would give me all the money for it and not to worry about it. I never told my parents about it or anyone else. When I went to he clinic I had a medical abortion because i was only 3 weeks pregnat. They then told me to start taking birth control the following sunday after the abortion and I did. Now I have been taking it but I have one question? I still have not gotten my period and am sure that I am not pregnant. I'm in the middle of my 4th week of the pills and still have not gotten it. Is there something wrong? should I keep taking the pills even though I didn't get my period? i have never been on birth control and don't know how this works! I need some one to please answer my Questions?

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Subject: Need some advice please


Author:
Brittney
[Edit]
Date Posted: 00:00:00 10/01/04 Fri
So here's the deal....i'm going to explain the whole story so that I can get some good advice.

2001 - Met a guy named Joe, we hooked up. Stopped talking for a year.

2002 - Saw him again, hung out a few times, and stopped talking for a year again.

2003 -
February - One day he called me out of the blue, and we started hanging out. We weren't officially a couple, but we "acted" like it, if ya know what i mean.

March - I got pregnant. I didn't know this until the beginning of May.

April - I told a friend that I was concerned i was pregnant, and her bf was my man's best friend. He told Mark, this kid I went to school with, who was also a good friend of my man's. Mark came up to me at school, and asked me, and I said no (i didn't want Joe to find out through someone else.) Suddenly, me and Joe stopped talking.

May - Took a test. Found out for real that I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do about telling Joe, because if he knew he'd want to talk to my parents and help out, and also if my parents knew, they would call the cops on him. I had to tell my parents. They didn't take it very well.....my options were to either have an abortion, or they would get Joe hauled into jail because he was 20 and I was 17 when I got pregnant. In order to protect him from all that, I did what my parents wanted. No one else knew that I had the abortion.

2004 - February - Somehow, Joe gets ahold of me. We start hanging out again, and he finally asks me to be his girlfriend. We've been happily dating for 7 months now, but it is tearing me up inside keeping that from him. It breaks my heart when I think about this whole ordeal. What I need to know is would it be wise to tell him about this now? Or would it just hurt our relationship? I don't know if I should just leave the past in the past, forgive and forget...or what?!?! I don't want to hurt him, I'm so worried that telling him will put a huge wall between us. And I'm worried if I don't tell him, it will just eat at my conscience. We are about to get an apartment soon..and I want to start it out on the right foot. Any thoughts?? Thanks.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Subject: Abortion upset...


Author:
Rachael
[Edit]
Date Posted: 22:27:40 12/18/04 Sat
I had an abortion on the 30th October 04...after being 13 weeks pregnant! I was going out with the man of my dreams....when I told him...we both agreed to have an abortion...and he wouldn't let me tell my parents! (we were engaged)...but we're both quite young...and we decided we weren't ready for this now...cos things were complicated...work/uni/moving away etc...so we thought we had it under control! The week we were sorting everything out for the abortion...I had a few moments when I wasn't so sure it was the best idea...and he told me he wouldn't know how he'd feel about me after the operation...and whether he'd still love me knowing I'd killed his child?! he didn't like me phoning him and crying that week...but I had no1 else to turn to! the day before the abortion...(family had no idea) I got a phone call from my sister telling me I'm gonna be an auntie!!! she was pregnant too! parents were sooo happy...I broke down in tears and phoned my mum and explained...she supported my decision. I had the aboriton the next day and all went to plan! I felt fine...my boyfriend took me back to my flat (at uni) after the operation...put me to bed and I haven't heard from him since! My brother is also getting married...and I have to be a bridesmaid who ruined the table plans...(boyf was an usher) etc etc...and no1 knows...my sister says I don't understand about pregnancy! I just had an abortion after 13 weeks....I feel sooo much guilt and depression now! I am so alone with no1 to talk to...what can I do? I still love this man...yet he's just left me?! I never even looked at my baby (got no pictures)...I didn't think I wanted to...now I just feel regret! I've killed a little life...and I don't know what to do! I don't wanna eat...go out...flunking my course...and can't tell anyone anything! I just wanna cry...please help!

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Subject: Alone


Author:
Bronwen
[Edit]
Date Posted: 01:29:53 02/23/04 Mon
I just recently had an abortion (three weeks ago) and this is the first time I've talked about it, so I don't know how much sense I can make here. I currently live in Japan and don't have anyone to talk to. My boyfriend lives here too but I think that he is the source of my pain, so I can't talk to him. Also he just seems more upset about me not wanting to have sex with him. I feel like an emotional mess, and I feel like I deserve it. I don't even know how the procedure happened, one minute I was looking at my baby on a monitor at the hospital, the next minute I was waking up from the anesthesia screeming in the hospital, on the same day. I don't feel like I was ever in the right mind to make the decision. That day I was too nervous about the fact that I couldn't communicate with anyone (I don't speak Japanese), and they were going to do surgery on me. It was all very confusing. Anyway, I've been bottling this up, and I have so much I want to cry out. Just writing here has helped I hope. I know I made a big mistake, and I did it because my boyfriend wanted me to. All I feel now is grief, anger, sadness and confusion.

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Subject: From Moderator-Important!


Author:
Diane Cheryl
[Edit]
Date Posted: 19:43:54 11/30/04 Tue
I accidentally deleted one or more posts on this forum on the top. If you posted and you don't see your message, please repost. I'm so sorry!
Diane Cheryl
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