I Feel so Awful -- Post Abortion Healing Support

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Subject:

I Feel so Awful

Author:
Ashley (Sad...But Numb)

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Date Posted: 00:12:52 02/25/07 Sun

Hi my name is Ashley I am 20 years old and I had a surgical abortion on Feb 16, 2007. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 7 months, and while our pregnancy was unplanned (I was on the pill) I really wanted the baby and I thought he did too. Unfortunatly his family was not so accepting. His mother is very hands on with her family and very evil! She is my supervisor and made work a living hell. To top it off my boyfriend would refrence to the idea that I was trying to trap him, and was not supportive at all. I had finally had it with his mother and his awful behavior and decided to move out and back in with my parents and have an abortion without telling him. I went in to the center on the 15th and thouht I was only 5-6 weeks but turned out to be 8 weeks and 4 days according to my ultrasound. I saw the baby and it was so big I just cried and cried and wanted the baby so badly but I didn't change my mind I just went into this trance and just did not think about the baby at all. The clinic was so scary and just surreal. I went into this room with 5 other women who were future killers just like me. The ironic thing is that when I went back to work on the 27th my boyfriend's mother was nice to me, she was happy well she didn't say that she was happy but she acted like it. My boyfriend was mad and upset that I went behind his back and killed his first child. Since then he was told me that he loves me and wants to be with me and try to work through this. He said that losing me was worse than losing the baby and he wanted me to move back in. I did and I am happy but my Prozac is not helping, I am still haunted by the ghost of our child and will start to cry at the thought of a baby, the sight of a baby or the thought of abortion. My boyfriend wants to have sex already and I am unsure. It has only been one week and one day but do I really need to wait six more days? I want to keep our relationship healthy and I want us to work. Help!!!??

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: I Feel so Awful

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 00:57:44 02/27/07 Tue

Ashley,

Having sex with someone who wasn't committed to you was how this whole thing got started. If you want to keep him, the LAST thing you should do is go back to having sex with him! After what you have been through, if he doesn't respect you enough to wait, you need to find someone else. You are bonded to him because of the sexual activity, and it will hurt, but believe me, it won't hurt half as much as it will if you continue down this path. Tell him that you have thought about it, and you think you should stop acting out sexually, that you learned something. If he leaves, he wouldn't be good for you anyway.

Try to find a different job.

Please seek out some counseling. Find a crisis pregnancy agency in your area. They have programs to help you work through this. You can find one near you by going here:

www.pregnancycenters.org

Please move to restore your self-respect.

We are praying for you, and we will be here for you any time.

Hugs,
Pat