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Aragorn... ok gimli
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Date Posted: 20:57:58 02/07/03 Fri
Meanwhile...Gimli, Skelington Aragorn, Evilgrinch the wizard and Mr.Horse (Who now prefers Cola) are still running....nobody knows where though, because I am tired.
TO BE CONTINUED...
PS- Gimli thinks Punch-Drunk Love is the best film of 2003 so far.
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Night fell quickly upon the strange land they had landed in, and Gimli was not alone in wishing he had prepared himself a lunchbox before his adventures had begun.
Skellington Aragorn was agreed with Gimli on this issue, and with a series of cryptic winks and sly nods, they were decided how to go about getting some food.
10 MINUTES LATER
Despite Evilgrinch's protests, Mr.Horse was now slowly being cooked over a large fire...he had drunk his last Fanta, and this time he would not be coming back. Once he had been properly cooked, Gimli and Skellington Aragorn would have some horse steaks.
A while later, Aragorn had eaten enough horse to change him from a skellington back into a normal person, much to Gimli's disappointment. Evilgrinch too was becoming his normal green self, and quickly got over the death of his only friend...Mr.Horse. The conversation soon turned to the more important issue at hand...where the hell were they?
Evilgrinch: Well, I've never been here thats for sure.
Aragorn: Can't you do some magic to find out where we are? Aren't you a wizard? I thought you were Gandalf's cousin?
Gimli: He gave it up for lent, remember!
Aragorn: But it isn't lent anymore?
Evilgrinch: I know that, but its too much effort to start the whole magic thing again...I rather like being just normal 'Mr.Evilgrinch'. Wizardry comes with too much baggage. If you want to know where we are, best chance would be to phone my beloved cousin.
Aragorn: What's phone precioussss?
Evilgrinch: Telephone...
Gimli: Quit it already, he doesn't know what a phone is.
Evilgrinch: I think I should get in contact with Gandalf anyway though, he knows best...either of you know where he may be?
Gimli and Aragorn looked at eachother...
Aragorn: Erm...errr....well, I'm not sure really....he kind of....died...sort of...like, well...kind of.
Evilgrinch: HE WHAT!!!!
Gimli: I can't be bothered to lie to you Evilgrinch, I murdered Gandalf. Elrond told me he was making advances on Galdariel, and I simply couldn't stand for that...
Evilgrinch: How could you Gimli...you will pay for this...I have a punishment that will suit you perfectly
Evilgrinch smiled menacingly.
1 WEEK LATER
Gimli stood, wearing a black pair of shoes, grey trousers, a green shirt, tie, white jacket and apron....most insultingly though...a cheap hat.
He was working on the Waitrose service counters.
Aragorn and Evilgrinch stood on the other side of the counters, laughing histerically.
Gimli: If you tell anybody about this, then I swear to God I will kill both of you...
TO BE CONTINUED...
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Aragorn and Evilgrinch stood around laughing, in front of the counter for a great deal of time, until they realised that Mr.Burn was staring at them from the distance. As they left, Gimli went back to work, muttering expletives to himself as he wiped some skanky tuna off a chopping board.
After what seemed like an age of boredom, other staff began to arrive...including Gimli's section manager, Reg, who he spoke to briefly about salary.
Reg: Standard rate Gimli is £3.68 an hour, though we currently run a system of double pay per hour on Sundays...you you will earn £7.34 an hour then.
Gimli: That sounds reasonable, any other stuff?
Reg: Discount card...10%. Oh, and you get a 6% annual profit share in March
It was at this point that Reg firmly placed his hand on Gimli's shoulder...waiting for the dwarfs response.
Gimli, incredibly uncomfortable with Reg's disturbingly close proxmity to him stepped backwards, and out of Reg's grasp.
Gimli: That seems, okay...I guess...can I get back to work now?
Reg, a little sad that Gimli had backed away from his cunningly disguised advances, left quickly.
Gimli sighed, as an air of relief flushed over him...hopefully he wouldn't see his section manager again that day.
Gimli picked up the tongs, and started reducing some steaks to £6.99 a Kg, when a new, evil presense arrived. Forget Sauron, Gimli was now face-to-face with someone who could be the dark lords potential bride.
It was Jan.
This arrogant, short, grey-haired woman in her mid-fifties, stood shouting insults at Gimli...insults which even his razor sharp wit was unable to combat at such speed. She then lept onto the counter, and started throwing everything about...much to Gimli's distress.
Gimli would have loved to murder her right there. Sadistic thoughts began to form in his mind, as Jan stuffed his beard into his hat. He imagined just spontaneously picking this anti-christ, and launching her into a volcano....
But now was not the time. Gimli needed to cover his tracks if he were to get rid of Jan. Aragorn and Evilgrinch would surely be happy to form a plan, but they weren't enough.
Gimli needed a Waitrose insider...an accomplise if you will, to help him carry out his revenge.
And Gimli knew of another, who hated Jan as much as he did.
TO BE CONTINUED....
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hopefully this forum will mean i can stop deleting stuff from the regular forum. *sigh* would like to say how much this paticular episode of the extended adventures amused me... love mocking of waitrose. do not know jan but i fear her. she jumps on becca everytime we go in there, is really scary. anyway going to go delete other posts now. byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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