Subject:  Re: 4-D |
Author:
pjk
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Date Posted: 01/16/06 12:42:33pm
In reply to:
tjm
's message, "4-D" on 01/15/06 11:12:10pm
>i posted my Hybrid thing before i read your your 4-D
i am concerned about your
>emphasis on the darkness you see spreading at the feet
>of the children of the lamb of god.
i see it - it bothers me. i am not good at ignoring it. it is not all i think of, but i need to be aware otherwise i feel like a dumbass - that's just me. i think it is good to be informed. i know most people don't have the same tolerance because it saps them. it doesn't sap me. i can't explain it. there's a measure of detachment - the 4th dimension I gave as message subject.
>
>do you ever wonder about it? i mean where do you find
>your strength? of all the people on the Voy, you have,
>in some ways, the MOST to be happy about! where did it
>all go negative? really. i am curious.
you all see it as negative, but i see it as affirmative
>over the time on this forum it has been common for you
>to be cornered by numerous other members but you
>always slip away. i feel embarassed to say in some
>ways this forum is like one extended marathon
>Intervention.
we should all be embarrassed at some of things that have been posted here
>i don't want you to be like me and god i know you
>wouldn't want to be [take it from me] but when did it
>get so dark for you?
as you once pointed out years ago, there is life on the edges of rows & rocks - fukuyoka - don't remember his name. i don't see it as separate and i want to recognize the darkness without to purify the darkness within
>to do certain things in the world requires the great
>endurance of psychic agony. we all know that. some
>know it better than others.
>
>the challenge is to fight it, use it and overcome the
>agony.
keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer
>the Danger is when we accept, embrace and nurture the
>agony and it becomes our friend, ombudsman, cloak of
>the transcendent, mentor and mirror.
no, i will never go to the dark side! Luke Skywalker
>i enjoy a good fight. i love to watch other people
>argue. for these reasons i don't mind antagonizing or
>being antagonized. but i do want to suggest the
>relative nature of our demise and the existing threat
>thereof.
i don't understand what you are saying here
>on the otherhand, have you ever considered that you
>are experiencing a taste of Koyaniskatsi?
cool movie - saw it with Michael and Tamara many years ago. dunno - I'll think about it
>i mean this out of love and concern, not to poke
>sticks or criticize: because of the monumental changes
>you see the world in need of, because you see the
>state of things with such dark lenses....have you
>considered that your career choice, the one you
>describe as comprising of small changes, is not
>fulfilling you?
my comments were not self deprecating.
>i don't know how else to respond to the years of
>fielding the extent of your pessimism. it doesn't
>offend me but it concerns me as a friend. i know you
>love your family and you want to nurture a postive
>world for them to grow. is it viable given your
>apparent perception of the world? can perception
>change without a deeper insight into one's life? how
>does anyone gain that insight? it's a challenge for us
>all.
>
>dr. mulert has left the building. good night now.
i appreciate the love and concern you have shown throughout the years. thank you. i believe i've had to varying degrees bouts of depression to which i have subjected my friends and family. for that i am sorry - i didn't realize it. i have never contemplated suicide - even in the early days we used to run together. over the years i've made a conscious effort to understand its roots in my view of the world. mo has been an enormous gift in that regard - i only have to watch her. and now there is jtk and soon another. the lense will gaze upon the darkness, but it does not make the lense dark.
In response to an earlier post:
the question about beating is classic passive ad hominem smear - fictional as well
>if things go they way you fear, you just might get
>your wish
Cher Dr., I love you, but heal thyself, too, mon ami - at times I've felt to be a one person intervention here on the voy, so I sympathize. The constant assumption that somehow my problems and hypocrisy pale in comparison to the group here is touching, to say the least.
it is not my wish, although as I wrote you earlier this week i do have fears about the future. even christ cried out to his father, "Why have you forsaken me?" Perhaps that utterance is not an expression of fear, but it is not protean.
to assign fears as wishes says more about you and your perception of me that it does about me.
to beat a phosphorized camel, some of my fears prior to going into iraq have unfortunately materialized while most of your hopes have not - so goes the road of good intentions. my fears were never wishes, and there is no joy in watching the moral and financial enfeeblement of my country and the loss of many thousands of familys' hopes on the dusty roads of the mesopotamia - hopes you and the voy we're all too willing to gamble as you swallowed the lies of the neo-con artists and all their optimism. now the secular saddam death squads have been replaced with the religious shiite and sunni, and the new democratic majority will align itself with Iran, a pathetic theocratic mysoginist totalitarian state that is more clever than most americans give it credit for. Like the optimist club here on the voy I hope that something good comes of war; children and flowers are blooming where there was once nuclear devastation. life renews itself and humans right along with it, often times despite themselves and their plans for a better world. i try not to confuse the rejuvenative dynamic of life with the pride of those who are best at being violent and the myths of goodness within which they cloak themselves.
in this country realism is often confused with pessism, perhaps due to ingrained desires for disney-esque endings. what feeds my optimism is the kindess of the immediate world in which live - my family & friends, my students & colleagues, not miraculous frankenfood. i am honored, humbled and grateful for the life I have and the meaning I derive from most waking minutes - be it work or play.
the forces against which MLK and the those in the non-violent civil rights movement struggled were not figments of their imaginations. people who could have otherwise "got on with their lives" didn't and they changed this country into something better than what it was. perhaps some people counseled those in the marches and busses confusing their love of life & justice with anger, or mocked them as unpatriotic anti-government bleeding heart peace-nik softies that didn't understand the brutal constants of this world. i'm glad they didn't listen.
the assumption here on the voy that the motives behind all my comments are somehow negative and defeatist is itself negative and defeatist.
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