Author:
Ben Hursh (Bazooka)
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Date Posted: 11:04:24 07/23/01 Mon
In reply to:
Kyla
's message, "my paranoia's showing" on 23:50:07 07/22/01 Sun
Nothing is simple and there are many possible ways of accounting for things that we perceive, things that happen to us. It depends on our history, where we have been emotionaly in our relationships growing up and all the decisions we have made about life from our earliest moments of existence. When I say we choose, that is only partly true, because we do not freely choose. We choose based on our previous choices and our decisions about those choices. In other words we are running programs we have acquired. This is complicated because we can program ourselves, but we are also programmed by events and people outside us. When I say it's all smoke and mirrors, what I am pointing to is that we are living the result of mental processes and reaction to circumstances. That there is no real substance to anything. Your response, if I can use this as an example, to my insensitive remark spells it out. "It reiminds me of all the times I have been put down by male spiritual practicioners", that association and decision caused an angry response. I could have said the same thing to someone else without that background and their response probably would have been very different. One of the things that makes Waking Down so valuable to me is that we get the chance to recognize these patterns as they come up and we actually can start to make conscious choices as to how we want to be. Up until we see these patterns we are just running programs that control our actions. It is apparently endless work and it will never be finished, but Consciousness allows us to feel deeply into things and gain a new understanding of who we are. I hope this explanation helps you understand what I said. I know I am guilty of thinking in a Zen like fashion. A lot of people just don't get what I'm trying to communicate and I think I'm being perfectly clear. Like, when I refer to the Mystery, I'm not pointing to an object. I'm refering to a feeling of the realization that I don't have any idea of what is going on. I will never know who I am so I have given up trying to find out. All I can say for sure is that I appear to be here and I'm attempting to find a way of living that feels good to me and to others around me. I am 70 years old and I have acted out many parts in my life. To see me now you would never guess what am emotional basket case I was when I was 30. Perhaps this way will not succeed, but it's the best I have found so far and offers the best chance of success of anything I have been in association with up until now.
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