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Subject: I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT

Author:
cassie

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Date Posted: 16:02:17 03/24/01 Sat
In reply to: Chris 's message, "Conscious provides the immediate answer to these seemingly hopeless & endless questions" on 15:37:52 03/23/01 Fri

Welcome home Chris! Where Consciousness embraces, enfolds and then actually BECOMES the horror and pain of the contracted, somehow coping separated one.

Finally...relief! but at the same time, no more separation from the pain! Aaarrrrggggghhhh!

So interesting, the Zen koanish way you arrived here. As if the mind wore itself out with efforts to make a leap that only Being could accomplish. I relish and wallow also in the viscerality of your description of Being ingesting the corpse of who we thought ourselves to only be. I think in the case of me falling off my rocker I was having an intense bout of indigestion - rotting meat is worse than beans!

I want to talk more about what the second birth was for me but I think I'll just quote from my journal I was keeping at that time:

"And then at 5:38 a.m. I whooshed out. The rest of the night I was 'out'; whether I was asleep or awake, it seemed to be about the same. I was just there."
"At first it felt like I was plastered over the front grille of a moving car - really out there with nothing between me and everything else. Later the car wasn't moving me, I am moving it by directing my attention."
"It was hard to discriminate or judge anything especially at first. I had no reference points. There was no where to stand from which to judge anything else. I WAS everything else."
"I certainly am different. I'm much bigger! All inclusive you might say. I still don't know if this is 'it'. I look around me and everything appears the same as ever. With a subtle difference however - it doesn't seem 'other'. It's almost as though everything is alive and friendly - like we are on the same side - even so-called inert 'stuff' seems this way."

On the continuuim of fusion with phenomena no where near your experience with the things on your desk, much more subtle I would say.

So on to the non sense of self. This is SO interesting to me. So often I encounter a pushing back sensation as if, in a numbering system, I were being pushed back into being a minus number. Or into NOT being AS a minus number. It's directly connected to the sensation of being suffocated with a pillow, an incident from my life. Terrifying and raw. And realizing that as a consequence I lost my sense of me as a positive number and find that I exist only when someone is sensing me.

That is why it was such a relief to be seen by you, and Paul and Gill yesterday. Yes i still am nothing and yet I also am everything, continuously and in a continuuim that knows no boundaries. The mind doesn't know what to think at all here and can barely eke out a description even after all this time. Can the chaos of this encounter with the mysterious ever be encompassed by the mind? I don't think so and I suspect that Ben would agree. Smile.

I want you to know that you are loved and cherished. I am so honored to know you.

Cassie

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT	Chris	23:45:38 03/24/01 Sat