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Subject: My rocker has fallen off the porch and I am lying here quietly dying. Will anybody notice?


Author:
Cassie
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Date Posted: 23:43:52 03/22/01 Thu
 Hello out there all you porch rockers. My porch is empty these days. May I join you? Circumstances are preventing me from doing anything that costs $ and I’m feeling SO lonely here. I’ve been feeling that I might not be appropriate on this forum any more because I am “too serious”. I am that. And I’m very selfish too. And there are many other things about me that are simply too awful to mention.

But I am learning to hold myself gently in the great pain of this ever more conscious wound. At least I can do that. And so I come to what I am wanting to share here today. This conscious wound - this pain - is there no succor for it, no salve to lessen its intensity? Or is there only the holding of it, perhaps together, that makes it bearable? (Ahhh...together...what a lovely word.)

The wound behind it all. That wound...determines so much...especially our response to each other. Sometimes because it is felt so deeply our sense is that it makes us unacceptable to others. And often then, we withdraw, not wanting to appear as needy as we feel ourselves to be. We may develop a cold exterior or even a frivolity that belies the grief that lies within. Or, more commonly I suppose, we bury that wound under a multitude of concerns that only allow it to seep slowly out to public view thus hiding it even from ourselves.

That wound..determines so much almost as though it were the force behind everything that lives and breathes, moving us to all our hypermasculine efforts to escape or to control. Anything to alleviate the pain of it will do. That wound...sparking the impulse to find a relationship in which one is finally and forever special, driving the alienated heart further and further into its addictions. Oh the agony of it all...oh my broken heart.

Perhaps I am too serious, that will just have to fall where it may. And if I am unacceptable, that to shall just have to be. I am so unable to deny this pain. It feels so universal, so primal. I wonder that I feel alone in this.
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Replies:
Subject Author Date
Gazing on our mutual lake, iced tea's in one hand, holding hands with the other...Chris11:08:57 03/23/01 Fri
Re: My rocker has fallen off the porch and I am lying here quietly dying. Will anybody notice?Paul17:57:23 03/23/01 Fri
Hey!Cassie21:46:18 03/23/01 Fri

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