Okay, now I have to try this... -- Godawful Fan Fiction

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Date Posted: Thu, Apr 22 2004, 2:32:07
Author: Captain Elfie-chan
Subject: Okay, now I have to try this...
In reply to: Ariana Aislinn 's message, "*LOL*" on Thu, Apr 22 2004, 2:14:08

>That's absolutely beautiful. I have a questionable
>kumquat, do I? *Snickers*
>
>Very amusing. Thanks. ^_^

Yes, Ariana, your kumquat is very questionable. Here's what I wound up with--spot the kumquat!

A Debt That Can Never Be Repaid
Severus Snape and King Doom were eating lunch at a deli near their office when the door swung open. With a jingle of the bell above the door, a foggy woman entered the restaurant, bringing with her a slimy gust of wind that smelled bouncily of Chanel #9 for men.

King Doom gasped. "Neon!" he exclaimed. "Is it really you? It's been so long!"

"King Doom!" the woman hurried over to their table. King Doom rose to meet her, and she hugged him, resting her upside-down head on his livid left nostril for a moment. "42 years, King Doom," she murmured, her voice flowing over his ears like kitten. "I can't believe I'm seeing you again!"

Severus Snape cleared his throat. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, King Doom?"

"Oh, of course," King Doom said stupidly. "Neon, this is my partner Severus Snape. Severus Snape, this is my father's brother's second cousin's former roommate Neon Electra."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Severus Snape said, taking her gigantic uvula in his. "Won't you join us for lunch?" Severus Snape wanted to be jealous of Neon's closeness to his King Doom, but he couldn't resist the allure of the urple platypus that shone from her grey with golden flecks eyes.

Neon ordered a spam sandwich, and the three talked over lunch. Severus Snape was very impressed by Neon's Jimmy Hoffa's body, incredible shard of glass, and ridiculous shopping cart. Suddenly, Neon pushed her sandwich aside and looked at them seriously.

"King Doom, Severus Snape," she said, "I came to Atlantis for a purpose. I had a catlike psychic vision that warned me to come here. I have a very klutzy task to complete."

King Doom reached across the table and patted Neon's eyelash. "How can we help you?" he said.

"You don't have to do anything," she said. "Just listen to what I say, and do as I ask."

Before either Severus Snape or King Doom could reply, the door flew open and 56 masked men ran into the deli. Shouting, "My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!", one of them launched himself towards Severus Snape, brandishing a huge smurf.

Just before the freckle-faced kumquat plunged into Severus Snape's thumb, Neon flung herself across the table, protecting him with her body. Bright steel grey blood started leaping from her eyeball, covering her Levis sock with runny jell-o.

Horrified at the senseless waste of such a fishy and ludicrous persimmon, the masked men, who were insane Mandy Patinkin fans, turned themselves in and were taken to jail.

Severus Snape and King Doom cradled Neon between them, weeping in soul-deep loss.

"I've done... what I came to do..." she gasped sourly. "Only one... part... of the vision... remains."

Taking Severus Snape's hand in one of her obnoxious ones and King Doom's in the other, she pushed them together.

"You are... fated.... to be one," she squeeeeeed. "Love... each other..."

As the last exhalation of her fluffy breath passed between her scratchy lips, Severus Snape and King Doom looked at each other, knowing in their hearts that Neon Electra had not only saved their lives with her deathlike sacrifice, but had also given them a gift: the gift of their love for one another. A gift that would trip them until death and beyond.

They owed her a debt that could never be repaid.

The End.

See, she didn't really die...she just made a "deathlike sacrifice." *dies laughing*

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Replies:

Re: *LOL* -- nazlan, Thu, Apr 22 2004, 3:04:54