Re: *LOL* -- Godawful Fan Fiction

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Date Posted: Thu, Apr 22 2004, 3:04:54
Author: nazlan
Subject: Re: *LOL*
In reply to: Ariana Aislinn 's message, "*LOL*" on Thu, Apr 22 2004, 2:14:08

This is far too much fun.

A Debt That Can Never Be Repaid

Legolas and Magento were eating lunch at a deli near their office when the door swung open. With a jingle of the bell above the door, a outrageous woman entered the restaurant, bringing with her a garish gust of wind that smelled barely of motor oil.

Magento gasped. "Starfire!" he exclaimed. "Is it really you? It's been so long!"

"Magento!" the woman hurried over to their table. Magento rose to meet her, and she hugged him, resting her bright head on his stunning toe for a moment. "12 years, Magento," she murmured, her voice flowing over his ears like legal pad. "I can't believe I'm seeing you again!"

Legolas cleared his throat. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, Magento?"

"Oh, of course," Magento said viciously. "Starfire, this is my partner Legolas. Legolas, this is my nephew's roommate's sister-in-law Starfire Whisperwind."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Legolas said, taking her naughty torso in his. "Won't you join us for lunch?" Legolas wanted to be jealous of Starfire's closeness to his Magento, but he couldn't resist the allure of the oily bowl that shone from her sapphire eyes.

Starfire ordered a dolphin sandwich, and the three talked over lunch. Legolas was very impressed by Starfire's desk, twisted trash bin, and grievous zipper. Suddenly, Starfire pushed her sandwich aside and looked at them seriously.

"Magento, Legolas," she said, "I came to Hollywood for a purpose. I had a messy psychic vision that warned me to come here. I have a very timid task to complete."

Magento reached across the table and patted Starfire's eyelash. "How can we help you?" he said.

"You don't have to do anything," she said. "Just listen to what I say, and do as I ask."

Before either Legolas or Magento could reply, the door flew open and 81 masked men ran into the deli. Shouting, "My name is Inigo Montoya! You killed my father! Prepare to die!", one of them launched himself towards Legolas, brandishing a huge kitten.

Just before the vivid video game console plunged into Legolas's calf, Starfire flung herself across the table, protecting him with her body. Bright chartreuse blood started tripping from her shoulder, covering her Great Value t-shirt with orange soda.

Horrified at the senseless waste of such a swift and assine window pane, the masked men, who were insane Mandy Patinkin fans, turned themselves in and were taken to jail.

Legolas and Magento cradled Starfire between them, weeping in soul-deep loss.

"I've done... what I came to do..." she gasped thusly. "Only one... part... of the vision... remains."

Taking Legolas's hand in one of her lazy ones and Magento's in the other, she pushed them together.

"You are... fated.... to be one," she gutted. "Love... each other..."

As the last exhalation of her unholy breath passed between her toasty lips, Legolas and Magento looked at each other, knowing in their hearts that Starfire Whisperwind had not only saved their lives with her shiny sacrifice, but had also given them a gift: the gift of their love for one another. A gift that would keep them until death and beyond.

They owed her a debt that could never be repaid.

The End.

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Replies:

HEY HEYWOOD! LOOKY AT THE START OF THIS THREAD!!! THERE'S A STORY WITH YOU IN IT!!!! -- The Twonky, Thu, Apr 22 2004, 11:58:44

Re: HEY HEYWOOD! LOOKY AT THE START OF THIS THREAD!!! THERE'S A STORY WITH YOU IN IT!!!! -- Vanessa, Thu, Apr 22 2004, 12:08:52

Re: HEY HEYWOOD! LOOKY AT THE START OF THIS THREAD!!! THERE'S A STORY WITH YOU IN IT!!!! -- Non-Sock Puppet, Thu, Apr 22 2004, 12:54:20
(bangs head) -- Heywood, Thu, Apr 22 2004, 13:06:45