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Date Posted: 21:01:02 02/14/04 Sat
Author: Doyle
Author Host/IP: WOPR-p-144-134-23-189.prem.tmns.net.au / 144.134.23.189
Subject: My slightly late Angel S4 Parody Part 2 (even if you didn't watch Angel S4, you could still read this. It basically explains what happened)
In reply to: Doyle 's message, "My slightly late Angel S4 Parody Part 1 (it's in two parts because it'd be too long othewise)" on 20:57:00 02/14/04 Sat

(Lilah shows up again. Angelus tricks the gang into thinking he's Angel again. Madame Whoredelia lets Angelus out of his cage and he runs off into the night)

Angelus:(skipping) "I'm free! Free! Free to dance in the meadow! Free to be me!"

(The gang attempt to track down Angelus using Connor, on a leash, much like a bloodhound. Angelus doubles back and chases Lilah around the hotel. Madame Whoredelia kills Lilah before Angelus has a chance to but makes it *look* like he killed her. The gang return to find Angelus drinking Lilah and he runs off)

Wesley:"No! The only hot-looking woman to ever have sex with me is now dead! Too bad I'm not into rooting corpses."
Gunn:"Yo, that's whack!"
Wesley:"We need Faith."
Fred:"You just keeps pulling these solutions to problems out of your ass, don't you?"
Wesley:"I'd rather be pulling them out of yours."
Fred:"EW!"

(Wesley frees Faith from jail and she's about to take on Angelus when the Beast shows up)

Beast:*beats Faith around a lot*
Faith:"I LIKE it!"
Angelus:*commentates then kills the Beast*

(The sun turns back on. Faith chases Angelus away with sunlight. Cordelia finally reveals to Connor than she's pregnant with his child even though we've been able to tell she was pregnant for ages)

Connor:"It's not my fault! I didn't know about condoms!"

(Lorne is added to the opening credits. Cordelia suddenly has a huge, booming, male voice which she uses to communicate with Angelus and he doesn't know who it is. Wesley and Faith discover some junkies who like getting suckjobs from vampires. This gives Faith an idea. While Angelus beats up Wes, Faith injects heself with a mystical drug and allows Angelus to drink her)

Angelus:*being affected by the drug* "Duuuuude, that's some goooood shit."

(He and Faith are rendered unconscious and do a mystical mind-walk thing together, reliving Angel's past good deeds)

Angel:*rescues a puppy*
Angelus:"Bah! He should have thrown it under the wheel of the car instead!"

(Back in reality)

Willow:(to the gang) "I'm an uber-powerful wicca...sorry, *wiccan*. I can help you get Angel's soul back."

(Willow and Madame Whoredelia battle each other. Willow wins and Angel gets his soul back)

Fred:"What do you mean you're seeing someone?!"
Willow:"Sorry."
Fred:"Ditch the bitch and go out with me instead!"
Willow:*leaves with Faith*
Fred:"Oh sure, she's more interested in slut-o-rama than me."
Wesley:"I'm interested in you, Fred."
Fred:"Get away from me, freak."
Madame Whoredelia:"Hey everybody, I'm pregnant with Connor's child!"
Fred:"Ew, that's almost like incest."
Gunn:"You'd know all about that, being from Texas and all."
Fred:"Hey, shut-up!"
Angel:"This family is getting more and more dysfunctional."
Gunn:"I'm gonna go help Gwen out."
Gwen:"There's this amazing bit o' technology that'll turn my power off so that I don't electrocute people to death anymore."
Gunn:"That's great, because I was planning to nail you in bed."
Gwen:"What about your grieving girlfriend?"
Gunn:"That ignorant bitch stabbed me in the back. What a fucking tight-ass, I feel like choking her. What a dumb ho."

(Everyone discovers that Cordelia's evil thanx to Lorne's magic 8 ball)

Lorne:"Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl?"
Magic 8 Ball:"Shit yeah."
Fred:"That's all the proof I need. I say we kill the whore!"

(Connor, the girl, screws everything up by "rescuing" Cordelia)

Audience:"Get a damn clue, dumbass! She's EVIL! Hello? She tried to get you to kill your father when he was Angelus and now she wants you to spill the blood of a virgin!"

(Madame Whoredelia explains that it's alright to sacrifice virgins for the good of their baby. She reiterates that, "We're special, Connor." Drink 3 shots everytime the word "special" is uttered)

Skip:"Ha. Fooled ya. I'm actually evil. Every important event that's happened in all of your lives was planned right from the beginning including Cordy becomming part demon and her ascending to the higher plain. It was all orchestrated so that the evil entity inside her could give birth to itself."
Everyone:"BULLSHIT!"
Wesley:*kills Skip*

(Angel prepares to kill Cordelia but, as usual when it comes to these sorts of situations, he hesitates which allows an evil deity in the form of some cast member from Joss's failed 'Firefly' to be born which makes Cordelia go into a coma. Drink the whole bottle for every episode Charisma Carpenter plays a body)

Everybody:*loves Jasmine*
Jasmine:*loves everybody*

(Fred gets some of Jasmine's blood mixed with her own which allows her to see the evil deity for what she really is: a maggoty-faced bitca)

R.E.M:*sings* "It's the end of the world as we know it and everyone but Fred feels fine."

(Fred foolishly tells Wesley what's going on then he tells Gunn to tell Angel to tell Jasmine that Fred is evil. They run her out of the hotel. Fred feels lonely. She plans to make everyone else feel lonely with her)

Angel and Connor:*singing* "We love her, she loves we, we are Jasmine's fam-il-eeee."
Fred:*shoots a bullet at Jasmine that passes through her shoulder and into Angel, mixing their blood*
Angel:"OMG! She's hideous!" *runs off screaming*

(Later on...)

Fred:"We need more of Jasmine's blood."
Angel:"We'll use catatonic Cordy's blood. Same diff."
Fred:"Where is Cordy?"
Angel:"Pay attention. She's coma-coma-coma-coma-Cordeliaaaa."
Fred:"Okay. Let's steal Comelia's blood."

(They do so and Comelia's hand grabs Angel)

Angel:"Oh look, Fred, she's awake!"
Fred:"No, my dimwitted friend, that's just something people in comas do."
Angel:"I've never heard of such a thing."

(So Fred and Angel cut the wrists of their friends and mix their blood with Cordy's which frees them. Connor, however, rats them out to Jasmine's followers who attack)

Angel:*tosses Connor out a window*
Everyone:*cheers*
Connor:"I sure do get thrown out windows a lot."

(Blahbleeblahblah Wes meets a demon spider thing that tells him saying Jasmine's real name is the key to defeating her. Angel goes to the spider demon's home dimention through a portal - this type of thing happens quite a lot on this show - and brings back Jasmine's real name which allows everyone to see her true face. Wackiness ensues)

Jasmine:*throws a car at Angel* "This is for cancelling 'Firefly'!"
Angel:"Hey, that wasn't my fault! It was just a sucky show, okay? On the plus side, now Joss can focus on this show so that we may never have to endure sucky plotlines like this again."
Connor:*shows up*
Jasmine:"You still love me, right daddy?"
Connor:"Yes." *punches Jasmine through the head*
Jasmine:*dying* "That's a strange way of showing that you love me."
Connor:"Should you still be talking?"
Jasmine:*dies*
Connor:*runs off like a girl*
Angel:*staring* "My God, he really *does* run like a woman. Must've gotten it from Wesley."
Dead Lilah:"We're offering you Wolfram & Hart."
Fred:"Whern, that's in no way suspicous."
Angel:"If any of you take the deal, you'll be corrupted instantly."

(Angel sees his big screen TV)

Angel:"I took the deal."
Fred:*coughhypocritecough*
Dead Lilah:*gives Angel a shiny amulet*
Angel:"I have to see Connor."
Fred:"Who's Connor?"

(The audience wishes they could forget too)

Angel:*perves on Connor*

(The girl has a new family)

Angel:"Now I'm off to Sunnydale."

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