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Date Posted: 20:57:00 02/14/04 Sat
Author: Doyle
Author Host/IP: WOPR-p-144-134-23-189.prem.tmns.net.au / 144.134.23.189
Subject: My slightly late Angel S4 Parody Part 1 (it's in two parts because it'd be too long othewise)

(The season begins with Angel hallucinating in his box at the bottom of the ocean)

Angel:"Heheheh, I love you guys."
Wesley:"Even me? You tried to kill me, remember?"
Angel:"Yeah, well, this is a hallucination. It doesn't have to make sense."
Connor:"That would explain why *I'm* here. Afterall, I'm the one who put you in your watery grave."
Angel:*ruffles Connor's hair* "That's my boy!"
Cordelia:"If anything breaks us apart again, I'll get all glowy on it's ass."
Angel:"I like it when you glow."
Connor:"Bleh. Do I haveta watch this?"
Angel:"You *get* to watch."

(Angel wakes from his hallucination to find sharks and other ocean life ramming his box)

Angel:"Oh no! My fish buddies have turned against me!"

(Elsewhere, Fred and Gunn have taken over Angel's duties killing vampires)

Fred:"Whassup dawg?"
Gunn:"Yo, stop using my word! You ain't from da hood!"
Fred:"How's yo momma?"
Gunn:"Leave my momma out of this, aight!"
Fred:"Yo! Yo! Calm yo'self fool!"
Connor:*actually does the killing*
Wesley:*has sex with Lilah*

(Wesley also keeps slave girl Justine in his closet)

Justine:"I didn't know you were into this kinky sort of thing."
Wesley:"Shuddup, Red! We're going to save Angel."

(They do so and Wesley lets Angel suck his....arm;)

Angel:(to Connor) "Get outta my house, bitch!" *kicks him out*
Cordelia:(up in the heavens) "God, I'm SO boring."
Angel:(to Wes, about his new group) "What a kewl group - 'The Flanel Group'."

(Meanwhile...)

People:(to Gwen) "Freak!"
Gwen:*electrocutes Gunn to death then brings him back to life rather easily*
Wesley:*has sex with Lilah*

(Angel, Gunn and Fred go to Las Vegas to retrieve Lorne)

Wesley:*has phone sex with Lilah and steals Angel's clients while he's out of town*

(Angel, Gunn, Fred and Lorne return to the hotel to find Cordelia standing there)

Cordelia:"Who are you people? You're not going to rape me are you?"
Angel:*leers*
Cordelia:*sings off key* "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. I decided long ago..."
Lorne:*runs off screaming (on key)*
Cordelia:"But I didn't do the part with the sparklers."

(Lilah sucks Lorne's....brain out, removing the part of his vision about Cordelia and all the 'Slouching Toward Bethlehem'. Elsewhere, Cordelia's sharing Connor's bed)

Connor:*slips his hands under the covers* "Do you like that, Cordy?"
Cordelia:"Like what?"

(Fred discovers her old professor was the one who sent her to Pylea)

Fred:"Get on yo knees, bitch!"
Professor Siedel:*does so*
Fred:"I'm gonna bust a cap in yo ass."
Gunn:"Fred, you don't wanna do this!"
Fred:"Back off befo I cap yo ass too!"
Gunn:*kills the professor for Fred*

(This puts a strain on the couple's relationship. Meanwhile, Lorne does a spell and everyone reverts to their teenage selves)

Cordelia:"Who are you whackjobs?"
Wesley:"I'm Wesley Wyndham-Price. I am from the Watcher's Academy in southern Hampshire. In fact, I happen to be head boy."
Gunn:"That dude right there is an ass."
Fred:"Hi! Mah name's..."
Cordelia:"Man, this sucks."
Angel:*enters the hotel*
Gunn:"Whassup homie? Let's pimp some ho's!"
Angel/Liam:"What strange language are you speaking, slave?"
Gunn:"Yo, that's whack."
Wesley:"Maybe he would understand you better if you rephrased your question with correct grammar."
Gunn:"Hey assface, shut the f..."
Lorne:*narrating while unconscious* "Meanwhile, that little prick, Connor, is off "saving" a two dollar whore from vampires. When he requests a blowjob she shoots him down."
Connor:"Aw."

(Everyone eventually gets their memories back and Cordelia has a vision involving a couple of sinister-looking eyes. Cordy runs off in slo-mo)

Angel:"Cordy, wait! Were we in love?"
Cordelia:"HA!"

(Turns out the pair of sinister-looking eyes belong to a beast that has no genitals)

Beast:"Grrr!"

(He creates an apocolypse complete with rain of fire. Drink 1 shot every time "rain of fire" is mentioned throughout the season)

Beast:*bitchslaps Angel around with a large trout* "Heh heh."
Connor:"Will you have sex with me, pleeeease? Afterall, I'm still a virgin. There were no bodies in Quor-toth to do *it* with...except Holtz and he was an old man."
Cordelia:*sigh* "Fine. But I don't want you to make a big deal out of this tomorrow morning. I'm only sleeping with you to get myself impregnated so that I can give birth to the evil entity that's taken me over."
Connor:"Are you still talking? Strip already."
Angel:*watches in stunned silence, rage silently builds up, takes anger out on a building*

(The next morning, Cordelia wakes up and she's a brunette again)

Madame Whoredelia:"Well, that's two minutes of my life I won't get back."

(Wolfram & Hart is overrun with zombies and Connor's trapped inside)

Angel:"Cordy, you're not comming. I don't want you in harm's way. Fred, get a move on."
Gunn:*decapitates Gavin*
Fred:"Gunn! He wasn't a zombie!"
Gunn:"Yeah but...he was turning into a zombie."
Zombie Gavin:"Is this the end of Zombie Gavin?"
Madame Whoredelia:"Angel, I didn't mean to screw Connor. I thought he was you."
Angel:"What you did with my SON is illegal in most states...except maybe Texas."
Fred:"Hey!"
Angel:"Get the hell out of my office, Whoredelia, and take your new boytoy with you."
Electro-Gwen:"I've come to help you guys out."
Fred:"Sorry. We don't need any slutty-looking bitches tramping around here whoring the place up."
Madame Whoredlia:*crosses arms* "That position's been taken."
Electro-Gwen:"Well, I can see your bitch quota's been filled. I'll be back later."

(Angel wears a hoody)

Beast:(at Connor's pad) *KNOCKS*
Audience:"Just don't open the door! Turn off all the lights and hide under the bed and he will go away since no one will let him in."

(But Connor's STUPID. The Beast waits patiently until Connor opens the door, then throws him out the window. The gang arrives just as Connor hits the ground. Angel tells Cordelia to keep him safe...then imediately regrets it. The others run upstairs to confront the Beast)

Gunn:*looks around Connor's apartment* "WOW. Jobless, homeless Connor's little loft thing looks nicer than my place. He has a HUGE bed with a soft quilt. Looks comfy and running water for showers; yet he is homeless. Can I be homeless, too? Maybe with Connor's Peter Pan looks he found himself a sugar daddy."
Beast:"Grrr!"
Angel:"Why is it all you do is growl?"
Beast:"You'd be angry too if you found out you didn't have any genitals."
Angel:*crosses legs*
Beast:"They could have at least given me PANTS."
Angel:"How'd you even get inside?"
Beast:"Connor's little luxury loft needs a peephole in the door."

(Beastie Boy blots out the sun. Drink 2 shots whenever blotting out the sun is mentioned)

Wesley:"We need Angelus."
Angel:"How'd you reach that crazy conclusion?"
Wesley:"Well something needs to spice this show up a bit. Who better to do that than Angelus?"

(Angel has a dream about doing the uppy-downy with Cordelia)
Cordelia:"There's no logic behind this."
Angel:"Oh Buffy!"
Cordelia:"You're pretending I'm someone else?! That's okay, because I'm pretending you're Connor. Although you may not have his red lips and girly hair, it's not much of a stretch to imagine you as him."

(Angel wakes from his dream as Angelus)

Angelus:*sings 'The Teddy Bears Picnic'*
Fred:"Mah God, he really is evil."
Wesley:"Tell us how to defeat the Beast."
Angelus:"Hello, Clarice."

(Meanwhile, Madame Whoredelia is off killing priestesses and stealing Angel's soul)

Wesley:*smooches Fred*
Gunn:"Gitch yo bitch-ass off mah woman, befo I cap yo ass, bitch!"
Wesley:*slaps Gunn*
Gunn:*punches Wesley*
Wesley:*kicks Gunn*
Gunn:*punches Wesley again then accidently hits Fred*
Fred:"That's it! We're broken up now."
Gunn:"Hey, that's not how it happens. *I* break up with *you*."
Wesley:"So Fred, I guess you'll be wanting *me* now?"
Fred:"Phfft! No."

(Angelus is giving an encore presentation of 'Teddy Bears Picnic')

Lorne:"Hi! Remember me? I've had to listen to Angelus' evil randition of 'The Teddy Bears Picnic' twice now and it's creating disturbing images in my head. You've got to make it stop! Where's his soul?"
Madame Whoredelia:"I stole it...I mean, I know where it is...er...I mean, Angel's soul! It's GONE!"

to be continued...

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