Sandra said exactly what I was thinking, but there is one more thing I wanted to share (m) -- January 98 Playgroup

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Date Posted: 11:27:06 04/25/03 Fri
Author: fiwee
Subject:

Sandra said exactly what I was thinking, but there is one more thing I wanted to share (m)
In reply to: Sandra 's message, "Angie, I've thought about you since I read your post last night...m" on 09:34:00 04/25/03 Fri

I like reading John Rosemond's parenting books, and one thing he says that helps when Zachary is impossible to deal with, is that parents have to stop taking responsibility for their children's behavior when they're older like this. Meaning that YOU shouldn't feel like a failure for what was most likely him just rebelling and trying to see what he could get away with. Rosemond says it would be odd if kids DIDN'T often do the things that Jordan did yesterday. It's just part of growing up. That said, he suggests being really firm when they act out like that. Like Sandra said, let him know that next time there will be a stiff consequence and make sure you follow through. It will make him test you less often, but he still WILL test you. I probably would've given Zachary a "Rosemond-style" choice at the salon: either go in and get the hair cut and be polite about it, or spend the rest of the day in his room when we got home and have to go to bed an hour early. Zachary HATES these extended time-outs in his room and because I've done it once or twice, it almost always works to curb whatever behavior we're trying to get over at the moment.

I think our reactions are tied into our expectations. We get angry when expectations we have aren't fulfilled. But if we catch ourselves before we lose it (NOT always possible, I KNOW!!! lol), by identifying what exactly is making us mad, it's often diffused. Like this morning, I am really tired and I've been sick for a few days. Zachary has been bouncing off the walls because he's excited about seeing Daddy. I almost yelled at him about it earlier, but then I realized that my irritation was based on an unrealistic expectation that he would be quieter. I mean, he's a total daddy's boy and it would be odd if he weren't overly excited today. So realizing that today I need to let some of that slide, helped me not yell at him.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I've had to adopt these attitudes now that I'm parenting alone for a while.

Take care! It'll get better. You're not a bad mom!

Kari

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