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Date Posted: 11:09:09 04/15/03 Tue
Author: chattyf
Subject: Here's a different way to think of it. (m)
In reply to: tutter13 (Melissa) 's message, "Ok, I have a couple of things I need help with. . .(m)" on 10:13:28 04/15/03 Tue

The first thing I thought when I read your post was you need to acknowledge his feelings not tell him he can't have them. So the first thing you want to do when he cries is say something like "You sound like you are very sad." See if he tells you why. Then acknowledge his feelings by saying something like "yes, that sure must hurt your feelings and make you sad." Sometimes this alone will stop the whining but if not you can try to move to the next step. Next you want to help him think of another way to deal with things so ask him how he thinks he could work things out himself.

Maybe even practise in an imaginary way like you pretend to be the kid who hurt his feelings and he acts out his part. In other words you rehearse a couple different senarioes. This helps him with his confidence. He may actually like this pretend play and you can have fun building his confidence.

He has a right to his feelings but you want to help him learn better coping mechanisms than just crying.

I have a nephew that used to cry everytime some little thing went wrong and he wailed so loud you'd think he was dying! His parents would calmly just remind him to "use your words".

What we don't want to do with kids and especially boys is to not allow them to express their feelings. We want them to feel safe to be able to have feelings and continue to express them.

I've found this method to work very well for my kids and I feel better cause I'm not always telling them to "stop" doing something instead I am working with them and acknowledging their feelings in a positive helpful way.

So good luck.

Diane

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