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[> Subject: You’re not alone MBA, a lot of guys here may have gone thru the same experience. It’s a good move you’ve opened up. Like you, my family does not know about my being gay. Good thing, I’m currently out of the country. In 4 months, I will be leaving my BF of 7 years! I’ve decided to just seek for local employment. I believe this relationship should not continue (and will not continue the way we want it) for I believe in what the Bible says about this kind of relationship (I used to be a seminarian before I took a second course). I am a practicing gay though this is my conviction. My partner, an Arab is also very good looking, and a lot of people cannot believe, I am the man in our relationship. I see him as my wife, though he is very straight-looking. (MORE…)
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Author:
HalimawSB
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Date Posted: 18:37:09 06/23/03 Mon
Leaving him would be very painful I know, but when I look back, what I’ve gone thru, I can say that ending this relationship does not mean it’s the end of everything. I’ll do it for both of us. My lover cannot be my forever bottom. He’s getting married a few months from now. Though he said he wouldn’t let me go even after his marriage, I can’t meddle with his marriage. I have to let go of him so he can have his own life. Never allow this to happen that he comes back to you and blame you for what he has become! I helped my partner a lot of times. We had our ups and downs. There was a time his family all left him. He had no job I was the one who helped him survive, helped him find a job, trained him in computers, brought him out of the jail, helped him buy a car, arranged interview with his employer, etc, etc! Even if I say I did all so I can feel he’s mine, it wouldn’t happen. I tried looking for other partners so I could forget him, pero I keep coming back to him. He normally says “I love you”.. but don’t get fooled. Men like us, in general are but liars. At first, I was quite a jealous person and I could really think of all crazy plans I could imagine. I can’t count the number of times we promised not to see each other but nothing worked. So many times I asked myself why I got so much involved with this man. We had our fights, but I always fought with my silence. Would you believe that when he got a very good job, he never spoke to me for a month? Don’t be running after your partner. Give him time (and space) until he decides to contact you again. Mind you, when you give everything, your life loses its balance. This is what prompted me to open up to one of my sisters about myself. That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done that though I gave her a hard time to accept the truth about me, the result was great. I feel better someone I know understands me and constantly prays for my life direction.
The hurts had made me stronger. When I go, the only consolation for me is for him to remember me from time to time, and presently, he calls me his best friend. Sarap pakinggan non though still, we still sleep together from time to time. When I leave this country, I’ll have to move on. Remember, don’t seek for love. It’ll come at the right time. For now, just keep yourself busy with some other things. I do painting from time to time. I keep upgrading my technical skills to prepare me for my future job and I guess this is a good investment for me after all the heartaches and financial “losses” this relationship has brought me. If it’s your first time, it’s really hurtful, but after some time, you will be thankful it ended early (as the wound may not be so deep and the lessons learned are to be cherished forever). About your 100% sacrifice, a friendly advice, never ever do that again. Keep something for yourself. If you lose a lover/friend, remember to count your other blessings like your family and cherished friends. This MB has helped me has so entertaining rin where you can meet new friends. Most important of all, speak to God thru prayers and he surely will help you survive and be back on your feet again. Never expect your friend to return to you the love you have for him. I just hope he will realize your worth, and come back to you even as a friend. If you can do this, God will surely grow little wings in you during your healing period. I hope this helps… Cheers!
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I've been through these episodes myself dear....read on...
Re..Kung ngayon mo pa lang ito naranasan, (I mean first experience to have a serious BF), sa tanang buhay mo, na maging isang kang dakilang TANGA.... be GLAD and MERRY!......Why o why? Dahil, you gave all your best shot! Hindi niya ito puwedeng makalimutan sa tanang buhay niya, na minsan me isang magandang nilalang na katulad mo, na nag-bigay ng lahat, dahil sa pagmamamhal. At walang masama doon, naging sobra man ito o naging kulang kumabaga, hindi na puwedeng i-question, because YOU LOVE HIM!..........Sabi nga, walang permanente dito sa mundo, lahat me katapusan…accept the fact kung mawalan man ng isang minahal mo, eh ano kung masakit, of course sa una lang iyan..sino bang hindi nasaktan? ….but, move on..and find another new love..ke short live ang relasyon, o nag tagal ng sampung taon, the bottom line is, naging maligaya ka sa pag-alay ng pagmamahal mo, at ang importante...… YOU LOVED..
At pagkatapos, kantahin mo ang pam-finale...yung kay APRIL BOY...."DI KO KAYANG TANGGAPIN, NA MAWAWALA KA NA SA AKIN......" LUKARET KA TALAGA GEE KAY!!!!