Subject:  Love Letters - Missing You |
Author:
Jasmine
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Date Posted: 06:58:21 03/16/01 Fri
In reply to:
Jasmine
's message, "Love Letters ...A Different Idea" on 06:55:04 03/16/01 Fri
Nikita,
Happy Birthday, Beloved. I hope you enjoy the roses. Walter assured me he would get the very best. I don’t know how he got them all in your room without anyone noticing, but I’m sure he completed the task if you’re reading this right now. My instructions were very explicit. I’ll know you’re pleased if I get a response from you. Walter will tell you how.
You might be wondering about this new past time I’ve acquired. Thirteen years of preparing profiles isn’t a habit one breaks easily, no matter how much I want to. I decided the best way to get over it was to replace it with a more pleasant habit of writing you whenever the urge strikes me. I knew you would appreciate the normalcy of a letter instead of the high tech wizardry of a communiqué on a PDA. I realize that typing isn’t really writing, but I thought you would enjoy being able to read the letters I send you instead of spending your time trying to decipher my handwriting.
How are you? It’s a question I want to ask you often, whenever you cross my mind which happens to be every minute of every day. I miss you so much. Only three months have passed yet it seems like a lifetime. You would think that all of the times we’ve been separated would prepare me for this, but it hasn’t. I never knew being with Adam and being away from you would be so difficult. I can only imagine what you must be feeling and it makes me miss you all the more. I never thought I would long for Section, but I do. If only for the selfish reasons I have of wanting to be near you. I comfort myself with the fact that I know I’ll see you sooner than we both think. Walter tells me that he’ll find a way to convince you to take a trip and come to me. He said it’s the main reason he’s agreed to be a messenger. I know he’s lying to me, but I won’t call him on it, since it gives me something to look forward to.
I think you’ll be surprised to know that Adam asked for you yesterday. I told you he loves you more than you think. He was full of questions about where I had gone, why his mother lied to him, will she come back like I did, why didn’t you come with us. It has never been more difficult to find the words to explain to my son everything that’s happened and make him understand. I only hope he forgets, and won’t grow up to discover the truth and hate me for what I’ve done. It would be no more than I deserve, but I hope it won’t turn out to be so. You taught me that. To hope when there was no reason to. It’s why I know that no matter how long it takes, the time will come for us to be together, and never be parted again. I’m so sure of it the house I bought was with you in mind.
The only detail that’s changed from our dream is a wrought iron gate surrounding the estate instead of a white picket fence. After years of Section some things on the outside seem ridiculously easy. It only took me a week to find the perfect setup for Adam and me. I’ve decided that several things I learned in Section will work well for what I have in mind, and becoming a security consultant for selected private trade organizations has allowed me to stay anonymous while giving me the ability to spend more time with Adam. It has also turned out to be an extremely lucrative business, and purchasing a secluded estate in the country was the first thing I did. It’s a beautiful two story-mansion overlooking sweeping hills and valleys. The first time I saw it I thought of you, imagined you in it, walking through it as you decided which color to paint each room. Adam often finds me like that daydreaming of you. He never says anything, he simply comes over and takes my hand as if he somehow understands how I feel. He’s become so quiet and solemn lately…too much like his father.
There’s so much I want to say to you and I laugh at myself because I’ve discovered the words now after seven years of being silent. Perhaps there’s a lesson in this somewhere and the whole reason for my silence was so that I could finally take the time to tell you what was in my heart to help us pass the time until I can be with you once again. No matter the reason I hope it brings you some small amount of joy in a place where that emotion doesn’t often exist.
I should close, but before I do there is one more gift I have for you. If Walter is as efficient as he’s always been then there should be a small silver key attached to the bottom of the vase. Take the key to the location Walter gives you and you’ll find the gift I promised you almost a year ago on a sandy beach as I read you poetry by the warm glow of the fire we built. Our time away from Section is fast becoming one of my more happier memories, and I imagine us making more of those kind of memories as soon as I can convince you to come to me whenever you’re overwhelmed with what you’ve taken on. Despite what you think your presence will not endanger us, and I have no intention of waiting ten plus years before I see you again. I meant every word when I promised you that somehow I’ll find a way to make it work.
I have to go, I’m sure you have work to do and it’s almost time for me to read Adam a story. Remember I love you. Those words are no longer difficult to speak and I wish that I had said them more. Now all I can do is write them often and hope you understand how dear you are to me. So once again I say Happy Birthday, Beloved.
Michael
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