| Subject: The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove Part Six |
Author:
Schnee
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Date Posted: 14:38:05 03/03/01 Sat
In reply to:
Schnee
's message, "The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove" on 14:10:08 03/03/01 Sat
With darkness we choose to retire below deck. Flitting around like a butterfly, a giddy Desiree somehow reaches the topic of astrology and Tarot cards. I quietly listen as I have little to contribute to this topic. Sensing my ignorance, Desiree determines that I must have a reading done. As she rushes off to retrieve her cards, I’m both curious and a bit apprehensive. Part of me doesn’t believe in this sort of stuff. But a small part of me is concerned. What if the cards tell her more about me then I want her to know?
Richard shakes his head in disdain. “Don’t tell me you buy into this stuff. A bunch of rubbish. That’s what it is. I’ll leave you ladies to your foolishness.”
My more rational side concurs with Richard’s assessment, as I brush my fear aside. Desiree returns bringing a small wooden box decorated with a Celtic knot carving. She carefully opens the lid and lifts the scarf-wrapped deck from it. After unwinding the shear scarf from the cards, she places the deck before me.
“What do I do?” I ask, feeling a bit awkward.
“Shuffle the cards however you like. You can think of a particular question or you can have a general reading done. Many times the cards will focus on something of great importance to you, even when you ask a particular question.” Desiree explains.
I start to shuffle the cards clumsily. They are bigger than any playing cards I’ve ever used. I’m not sure what to ask or think. I try to blank everything out of my mind, hoping to conceal my entanglements.
“Er…How long do I shuffle?”
“Until you feel you’ve shuffled enough.” She replies as I drop a few cards. Reaching down to retrieve them, I meet a pair of green eyes. Standing back up he hands the cards to me. I hadn’t realized his proximity or interest in my tarot reading before this point. I had assumed he had left with Richard.
Refocusing on Desiree, I shuffle the cards two more times and then set them on the table. She retrieves the deck and turns over the cards in a cross-like pattern. After replacing the deck on the table, Desiree appears contemplative as she looks over my cards.
I’m not sure what each card means but I gaze at the images illustrated on the cards. Each one is unique and appears to tell a story. My attention focuses on one in particular. The Devil. This card appears very dark and frightening, with a man and a woman bound to the devil. I swallow hard uncertain I want to know what my future may hold.
“Ok, the first card indicates the general atmosphere that surrounds your question. Or in this case it can describe you directly. The Queen of Wands. You know what you want in life and you pursue it when possible. People are drawn to your enthusiasm. Your generosity. Your vitality. You try to solve others’ problems but at times you can make those problems worse.”
“Crossing the Queen of Wands is the Moon. This card generally means there is something that is not what it seems. You need to follow your own inner light to lead you the right way. And you must be vigilant to find the truth and follow the path of light or you may be doomed to wander lost in the dark.”
I chuckle to myself wondering if the card doesn’t literally mean the moon—La Luna, the boat. So far nothing seems too far off base. I look up to see Michael’s green eyes studying me.
“Crowning you is the High Priestess. This card is a possible outcome card. It deals much with the subconscious and intuition. The High Priestess holds many secrets and mysteries. She often indicates that answers can be found within ourselves. Also, she represents that shadows lie within ourselves. The negative aspects we may not acknowledge or realize are there.”
My mind twists trying to understand what this card means. How is this an outcome when it brings more questions than answers?
“Beneath you is the Fool. A dreamer. A person who follows his heart despite what others may say. This card indicates what has already past. Sometimes referred to as the distant past. The Fool also represents the first step in the Journey detailed in the Major Arcana. We are all the Fool at some point in our life.”
“Major Arcana?” I ask, wearing my ignorance openly.
“The Tarot is composed of Major and Minor Arcana. The Minor Arcana are reminiscent of playing cards. There are four suits, Wands, Cups, Swords, and Pentacles, with number cards from Ace to ten, and court cards of Page, Knight, Queen, and King. The Major Arcana are 22 unique cards numbered 0 to 21, but known by their names rather than their numbers. The Fool is the first card followed by the Magician, the High Priestess, etc., ending with the World.”
I nod, allowing her to continue with her reading.
“Behind you is the Eight of Swords. It indicates your recent past. This card shows a woman bound and hoodwinked surrounded by swords. It likely indicates that you felt trapped, unable to move out of a situation. Powerless. But notice her legs are not bound. This indicates that perhaps a self-imposed restriction was holding you back. “
“Before you is the Emperor. This card is coming into play in the near future. He is the authority figure. A leader. Strong and wise, he imposes rules to preserve order and security.”
“Does this card actually represent a person?” I ask with great interest.
“Most times, yes. Otherwise it symbolizes authority and power that should be wielded with care.”
Michael’s attention is drawn to Desiree. Pleased, she smiles cunningly before turning her focus on the line of cards next to the cross. My attention remains on this woman whom I tend to distrust. But knowing nothing of Tarot cards, I’m forced to accept her assessment of the cards.
Starting from the bottom card she continues, “This card indicates you and your attitude towards the matter. In this position lies the Devil. This card again refers to you being bound to a darker side of your existence. You need to realize that you are capable of evil. By understanding that, you will be able to keep it from having free reign over you. The Devil is like a cancer, destroying you from within. As the Eight of Swords portrayed earlier, the devil indicates that you allow yourself to be bound, becoming a victim to no one but your own restrictions. You allow others to control you. You are your own demon. But, if instead you re-focus on the light that still resides within you, these chains that bind you can be shed. For regaining hope will be your salvation.”
I find this card particularly interesting, finding a parallel to my bondage to Section and Centre. Is there still light within me? I’m not sure anymore.
“The next card is your environment and the attitude of the people surrounding you. This card is Temperance reversed. If this card were upright it would indicate harmony and growth. Two beings acting as one. Because this card is reversed it shows competing interests and separation.“
“The third card is represents your hopes and fears. The 10 of Cups reversed. This card bears great happiness and contentment in its upright position. Peace and Love. But reversed it demonstrates your fear of loss and betrayal. A fear that you may never find that perfect happiness or peace.”
“The last card is another possible outcome. This is the Empress. She represents Mother Earth. Fertility and Beauty. Her power is that of creation. She is also a leader like the emperor, but leads with loving care. Her only weakness is that of being over-protective of her creations. The theme of motherhood is strong with this card.”
“This reading is filled with Major Arcana. As much as the reading shows that you need to do some soul-searching, the sheer number of Major Arcana indicate this situation is controlled greatly by other people and their actions. Very interesting. And this last card has me curious. It could be suggesting you will be a mother soon.”
I can’t suppress the laughter welling within me. Me? A mother? Here I was worried that this reading would reveal things about me that I wanted to remain hidden. Instead it vaguely pointed to some issues within me but otherwise nothing concrete. I’m not even sure I believe what the cards are saying. Especially the motherhood part.
“The cards can allow us to look within ourselves for the answers. But we are the masters of our own destiny. We always have the ability to change our path. The cards just show the possible outcomes of the path we currently follow.”
Silent throughout the entire reading, Michael asks, “Do you mind reading my cards?”
I find myself floored by the thought that Michael could possibly give credence to such an illogical method of foreseeing the future. Perhaps he’s asking in order to maintain a cover of gullibility? Despite my misgivings, I cannot help but watch Michael’s reading with great interest.
~~~~~
As Desiree hands me the deck, Nikita’s eyes, wide with curiosity, focus on me. I carefully shuffle the cards three times. Smoothing my hands across the edges, I place the precisely piled cards on the table and nod to Desiree to commence.
She takes the cards in her hands closing her eyes for a moment. Then, she proceeds to deal the cards in the same Celtic cross layout. In silence, Desiree eyes the cards. “Lots of swords in this layout. Indicating angst and strife.” Then she peers up at me, looking for any reaction.
Carefully pushing a strand of her dark hair behind her ear, she begins, “The first card which covers you is The Knight of Swords. Appearing emotionless, the Knight succeeds where others may fail. It’s not that he lacks emotions, but instead he suppresses them, seeing little value in having emotion. He is the perfect person to implement ideas that others shy from.”
“The second card crosses you. In this case it’s the 2 of Swords. It shows a hoodwinked woman balancing two swords. She holds them across her heart, perhaps symbolizing a closed heart. Stalemate. If referring to a relationship, this card indicates a barrier between two partners. This card often represents situations where the truth can be found, but one or both partners chooses not to see it.”
I repress any external response, but the accuracy thus far shakes me a bit. I’m curious as to Nikita’s reaction, however I choose to remain focused on Desiree and the cards so as not to convey either accuracy or lack thereof to our hostess.
“Next is the card that crowns you. The 7 of Wands is a possible outcome. This card shows a man defending himself against six armed foes. It’s about facing your fears and being ready for each obstacle that crosses your path. You can have no courage without fear. Hold your ground and you will surely be victorious.”
“Beneath you is the World. This is the last Major Arcana card. The end of the journey, with the next ready to begin. You bask in the fruits of your toil for now. A time of perfect bliss. But the cycle will begin again. And indeed it has for you, since this card is beneath you.”
“Behind you is the 3 of swords. A very painful card associated with rejection, heartbreak, betrayal, separation and grief. Even more painful because it is unexpected. But without pain, life would be without challenge. It pushes you to overcome obstacles. It may hinder your vision for a time, but eventually it allows you to see more clearly.”
Casually, I look towards Nikita and witness her biting her thumb. I sense discomfort and tenseness in her shoulders. Her reaction to this card intrigues me. Does she regret her actions?
“Before you is the Hanged Man. Within this card lies a paradox. The lessons it gives are easy to understand, but the hardest to accept as they apply to you. Admitting fear will allow you to conquer it. In Vulnerability, you will find strength. Relinquishing your desire to control, will allow everything to fall into place. Rather than fighting against the current, go with the flow.”
I find this card the most interesting. I can see how it pertains to me. But what does Fate have in store for me? Releasing control over my situation is not something I’m comfortable doing.
“The Hermit represents your attitude toward the matter. He symbolizes a journey to seek answers within one’s self. He finds the need to separate himself from outer turmoil and withdraw from the people around him, entering the dark in order to find the light. But eventually he will return holding the wisdom he has sought. His appearance in a tarot layout generally is a call to learn more about yourself and your nature of existence. Additionally, The Hermit many times serves as a mentor, guiding his student toward the path of wisdom. But he must remember that his wisdom is different from his student’s, and allow his student to find his own inner light.”
“Your environment and the attitude of those around you is shown by the Star reversed. Where the Star represents hope and inspiration in its upright position, reversed it indicates a loss of these things. Those around you feel pessimism and doubt. Uncertainty. They have lost faith and direction.
“In the position of hopes and fears, is the Queen of Swords reversed. You fear deceit, malice, and unreliability. Perhaps embodied by a particular woman, since it is the card of the Queen.”
“The outcome seen here is the 2 of Cups. In contrast to the 2 of Swords seen earlier, the 2 of Cups shows two people, a man and a woman, facing each other. A harmonious union. It represents the love between two parts of one person, rather than two individuals. Soul mates. It lacks the strength of the major Arcana card, the Lovers. Thus, indicating that this union may be shaken by external forces. It is uncertain if this union can stand the test of time, but that depends on the stability and the will of the two people involved.”
I nod, finding some encouragement in this outcome card. If that is indeed what Fate has in store. But the idea that I need to release any control and trust completely in fate, is foreign to me. I can’t help noticing that the alternative outcome card speaks of a battle. My guess is that it may have little to do with my relationship with Nikita. However, I could be wrong, given the current state of affairs. The reading is intriguing, but leaves me with no concrete answers. Just more questions.
But that is the nature of Tarot as I’ve known it. It provokes the questions necessary to move toward enlightenment. One just needs to recognize the lessons that life tries to teach us.
Glancing, toward the living area, I note that Richard remains uninterested in our Tarot session. Instead, he is browsing through a magazine with his legs propped up. From his statement to Nikita, I gather he does not approve of his wife’s interest in Tarot. Their differences have become more pronounced to me during this trip. What is it that they have in common?
“Considering the amount of swords your reading contained, the outcome shows some promise.” Desiree remarks as she wraps the cards in their scarf. I thank Desiree for the readings as she prepares to stow the cards away.
Turning back toward Nikita, I find her staring off, as if a million miles away. Sensing that we both could use some time away from our hosts, I address Nikita, “Love, you look tired from this long day. Perhaps we should retire for the evening?”
~~~~
Michael’s voice permeates my entranced state. I’m uncertain what he said, but I am certain he addressed me.
“Huh?” I mumble as I look up at him. I feel transparent as his green eyes focus on me.
“I suggested we retire for the night since you appear to be tired.”
“I’m fine, really. Just thinking.” I stammer. Not that I really want to be here. But I’m not certain I want to be alone with Michael, either. He knows me too well.
Both Tarot readings have stirred up my thoughts and emotions. Do the cards hold my future? Or is it just my imagination running overtime? I’ve seen enough frauds during my time on the streets to be skeptical of anyone claiming to see the future. But the fact that I could see our lives mirrored in the description of the cards unsettles me. Too eerie for my taste. I’m not certain that even with surveillance could someone contrive this reading.
Be strong, Nikita. Don’t let your emotions control you.
My mantra. That’s all it is--my emotions reading something into some silly cards. A simple distraction. One that I cannot afford.
Stay focused on the end game.
It’s all I have left. I can’t be grasping at a future that is not mine.
Sensing my melancholy, Michael begins to prowl around me with his ears perked up. I almost expect him to begin rubbing against me with a purr in his throat. Marking me as his. My skin prickles with electricity as his hand touches my skin. His adept fingers begin to rub the base of my neck, kneading at my tenseness.
“You do look tired to me.” He muses, moving his fingertips upward to massage my scalp.
Releasing a sigh, I give in to his persuasiveness. “Perhaps you’re right. I probably shouldn’t fight it. But I really didn’t want put a damper on the evening.”
Lying is becoming far too easy for me. Almost second nature. I think I’m even lying to myself these days. That’s not a good sign. The cards are right. Where once I did see myself as a light inside Section’s dark existence, now I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve learned to close off my emotions. Just like Michael. Though, I must admit he is the master at it. I’m still working to achieve his skill.
Michael gently kisses the edge of my forehead as Desiree returns. Her expectant smile turns to a disappointed frown as Michael makes our excuses. Richard just nods his head above his magazine. His quiet demeanor this evening strikes me as odd. Truth be told, this whole trip has been odd. Like a surreal dream just before dawn. Vivid, yet nonsensical. I feel as if the answers are right before me, but just out of reach.
I can only guess that Richard’s behavior is that of a disappointed child who had his play date cancelled. But that can’t be helped. Valentine overtures were not part of the profile. Especially not of the lipstick variety. It’s bad enough that I went off-profile including Michael on this little trip. With Richard Knowles showing obvious interest in me, I felt it necessary to have someone to cover my back.
My cheeks feel flush, as the events earlier today replay in my mind. Ok, so that wasn’t what I initially had in mind.
Fortunately, we’ll be returning to Monaco tomorrow. Jones should be returning as well, if he’s not there already. Maybe then, with Michael at a distance, I can re-focus on my end game. With him close, I tend to lose my objectivity.
~~~~~
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