Things I Can Not Change Chap:9 -- The Jason and Robin Fanfiction Board

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Date Posted: 14:48:35 08/16/02 Fri
Author: Just say not to Liz
Subject: Things I Can Not Change Chap:9

Setting: Bedroom

Robin awoke cold and sweaty at the same time. Her head ached and her mind struggled to get a handle on what was going on. She tried to sit up but the pain in her head made way for dizziness and as the room swayed violently she had to lay back down. She closed her eyes and tried to even out her breathing when she heard the door open and bare feet padding across the carpet. Jason. And in that realization the day's events came rushing back to her. The dreams of Jason, the frustration and then the doll and note. Greg was out there and he knew where she was and could get to her. she sat up quickly and had to swallow to send the bile back down her throat.

Robin: "Jason we have to move, now. Greg knows where we are. He'll come back."

Jason: "He doesn't know where we are Robin, we're safe."

Robin: "Wha-"

Robin cut short the question as she took in her surroundings. A simple white room with a few pieces of furniture. A room fit for Jason. Simplicity and the decorating skills of a minimalist.

Robin: "Jason where are we?"

Jason: "A safe house. As soon as you fainted I read the note and moved you as fast as I could. It was stupid of us to check into a hotel anyway. We don't exactly have secret identities when we're in Port Charles."

Robin chuckled a little at that. Yeah, that was true. How could they have thought that Greg could simply look up a few hotel reservations. In fact anyone could. Sonny could if he needed to find Jason.

Robin: "Jason what if Sonny needs you?"

Jason: "He won't."

Robin: "But if he does, he'll look for you and he'll find out you stayed at the Cosmopolitan and he'll wonder why."

Jason: "Let him wonder."

Robin(insistent): "He'll know you were with me."

Jason: "So? He's seen me with you before. For God's sake Robin, you slept in my bed how many night?"

Robin: "Not after we broke up the second time. And with the way Sonny turned on me, he'll wonder why you forgave me."

Jason: "With the way Sonny and I [i]both[/i] turned on you, we have no business doling out forgiveness to anyone."

Robin: "Jason, I did hurt you. Why'd you forgive me?"

Jason: "Because I love you."

Robin: "Loved."

Jason took her face in his hands and made her look him in the eyes. Her breath was warm and soft on his skin and he moved their faces even closer. He knew he shouldn't, he knew it was beyond wrong and the reasons why it was wrong clamored for attention in the back of his brain but every emotion that had screamed to him that night on the bridge shouted even louder at him and he couldn't resist it. He gave himself just enough time to whisper, "Love" and the brought her mouth to his. And colors he had never seen before burst behind his eyes. A burning on his lips caused him to lean further into her soothing touch knowing that only she could quell the flames. He felt her hesitance, her denial of what she knew was true in her heart. He felt her pull against his hands to move away, but he only turned his head to the side and deepened the kiss. And that's when it happened. She gave in. No, she gave up. There was no longer any resistance, in fact there was no response at all. Her lips went slack against his and he could feel tears sliding under his thumbs on her cheeks. He pulled away quickly and engulfed her in his arms.

Jason: "Oh God Robin. I'm so sorry. I wasn't even thinking about that. I just, I just couldn't stop myself. I wanted you so badly and I thought, hoped, you wanted me that way still. Damn it, I'm so stupid. I would never hurt you like that Robin, I swear. Not ever."

He spent the next few hours babbling like that to her as she cried into his chest. Finally after the fear and the memories had subsided she pulled away to look at him. His anguish was evident in his eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that held such warmth for her, even the night they officially ended there was still the warmth masked by anger and confusion, those eyes that stared coldly, blankly into the face of his enemies were now just stricken. Fear lay just below the surface of the grief and self recrimination. Fear of what she wasn't sure. Fear of her leaving, maybe. Fear of hurting her, without a doubt.

Robin: "It's okay Jason. I understand and I know you would never hurt me... like that."

The fact that there was the addendum hurt him like nothing else. She couldn't say that she knew he'd never hurt at all because he had and for so long it was sickening.

Robin: "But I also know that you don't like betrayal and dishonesty. However much you make it a part of your life and however much you find it in yourself to forgive it of Carly."

Jason(winces): "Robin, you didn't betray me. Michael wasn't mine to lose. I was so afraid of the Quartermaines taking him away because I knew in my heart they had every right to."

Robin: "I did betray you Jason. I didn't tell you everything about when I left."

Jason: "So tell me now."

Robin: "Do you remember when I went to Italy?" He nods. "I was in the Uffizi, looking at a picture by Filippo Lippi called Madonna and child with angels,
[link]http://www.abcgallery.com/L/lippi/flippi15.html[/link]
when I began to feel faint. In fact I did faint right in the middle of the gallery."

Jason: "You never told me."

Robin: "At first it was because I didn't want you to worry."

Jason: "At first?"

Robin: "Samantha, a friend of mine on the trip, made me go to a doctor out there. He ran some tests and everything was normal. Except...."

Jason(prompting): "Except?"

Robin: "Except, I tested positive for being pregnant."

Jason was in shock. She knew she was pregnant when she left, all those speeches about letting AJ be a father to his son and then she turned around and kept him from being one to his child?

Jason: "How could you? How could you not have told me? You kept telling me that I needed to tell AJ the truth about Michael and the whole time you were pregnant with my child and didn't tell me."

Robin: "Did you just listen to that statement? You said pregnant with your child Jason. Your child. Not AJ's. And yet I couldn't be sure you would have devoted the time to the baby as you did to Michael."

Jason(yelling): "How can you say that? I would have given that child anything?"

Robin(yelling back): "Even a life without lies? A life without Carly and all her stunts? Is that what you'd have given our child? Because you sure as Hell didn't give it to me and now you expect me to believe that you would have done anything different out of more than mere obligation?"

Jason: "You left knowing you were pregnant."

Robin: "With one of our children, yes."

Jason(shocked): "[i]One[/i] of our children? You were having twins? What happened?"

Robin: "Carly happened. The stress of living with her of living in the shadow she cast over all of us. That night I left the cottage in the middle of the night, do you remember?"

Jason: "Yes. It was after you and Carly had that fight over her redecorating."

Robin: "That's right. That's when it happened. I woke up and something was wrong and I knew I needed a doctor. So I got up and drove myself to a small hospital outside of Brooklyn."

Jason(disbelieving): "You risked yourself and our children to keep me from finding out you were pregnant?"

Robin: "I did it to keep everyone from finding out. Brenda didn't even know about the babies. Not even after Billie was born. Anyway, I went into the hospital and the doctor told me that I was in the early stages of a miscarriage. They did everything they could to save both the babies, but in the end only one survived. and by the end of our relationship I was so strung out from Carly and the lies and the loss of the baby that I couldn't take it anymore. That's the real reason I left. That's a lot of the reason I told AJ the truth. I thought that I might be able to help at least one father have his child if I couldn't be with the father of mine. Another part was that I wanted to hurt Carly. If it wasn't for her, I might not have lost the other baby."

Jason: "I would have helped you. Stood by you and the babies."

Robin: "You say that now."

Jason(shaking his head): "Where is our other child? Is it a boy or girl?'

Robin(tearing up): "This is the part you'll hate me for."

Jason(softening): "I have never and will never hate you Robin. Tell me what happened."

Robin: "We had a daughter. I named her Billie Alexandra Morgan. She had your beautiful blue eyes and hair so dark it was almost black. "

Jason(interrupts): "You keep saying had. Past tense. Why?"

Robin: "I'll get to that. She was born July 24th on a rainy day. I was doing laundry and I felt her kick extra hard and then that was it. My water broke and I waddled my way up the basement stairs and down the few blocks to the hospital."

Jason: "In the rain?"

Robin: "I was hot. and besides, it wasn't as though I wasn't already wet. She was born through a C- section and when I held her in my arms I almost died from the joy of it. she was so beautiful. So perfect. Ten tiny fingers and toes. Your eyes and a little tuft of fine baby hair the color of mine. When she was three months old I had them give her a PCR test, it's far more sensitive to the presence of HIV than your standard test, and a week later I had the negative results. Fifteen months later I had her tested again as a precaution and again she was negative. Oh Jason, I cried so hard and so long I coughed up blood. I have never known such gut wrenching agony mixed with joy in my life. I just picked her up and held her for hours. I skipped school and work and took her to the park and told her everything about you. She'd have been three this year."

Jason: "Would have been? Robin, did something happen to our daughter?"

Robin: "Yes. Greg happened. He took her away from me and was sending her to place of his in Ireland when the plane she was on crashed into the ocean. He killed my baby Jason. After that, nothing was worth it. The beatings didn't matter, when he forced himself on me I'd just lay there, leave my body, go back to the memories of Billie. It's my fault our daughter's dead Jason. It's all my fault."

For the second time that night Robin broke down in sobs. Jason reached for her, a tiny voice in his head, that sounded surprising ly like Carly, was telling him he should hate her, bame her for their daughter's death. But still he reached for her, he couldn't not. She had carried the deaths of both of her children by herself, had endured pain beyond all natural reason and was risking very obviuosly her sanity by telling him this. He couldn't hate her. He loved her and he wanted to know everything about when she was pregnant. He wrapped his arms around her and after a moment of resistance, she clung to him tightly.

Jason: "The first baby, they couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl?"

Robin(surprised): "No. It was too early. But I think it was a boy."

Jason: "What makes you say that?"

Robin: "Because while I was pregnant, I kept having this dream of a little girl and boy playing in a field. The little girl looked just how Billie looked, the dark hair and blue eyes. and the little boy, he had thick blond hair and soft brown eyes. He had your smile Jason and he would wave to me and then he'd hug the little girl and I could hear a whisper on the wind that said, "I love you" and sometimes it would be a child's voice and other times, it would be yours."

Jason: "You mentioned Brenda earlier. Is she alive too?"

Robin: "Yeah, we shared a flat together for a while after I went back to Paris.

Jason: "And she didn't notice you were pregnant?"

Robin: "I only stayed for a month or so, long enough for her to get in a few choice name calling sessions about you and Sonny."

Jason(laughs): "We deserved it. And when I see her again, I'm sure she'll give me one of those sessions first hand."

Jason smoothed back a strand of hair off her face and while he held her he lay them both down on the bed.

Jason: "It's been a long day Robin. You need rest and I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be busy too."

Jason held Robin while she fell asleep and lay there with her after she had. He wondered at her strength and ability to survive. She had lsot her children, the one thing she truly wanted and never thought she could have was taken from her by two selfish people and she blamed herself for them both. He knew he could get angry about her not telling him, but what would be the point? How could he have raised his children around the fear of being taken away from him? around all the lies and deceit? He understood it probably better than Robin would ever know. Jason vowed that night that he would do everything in his power to help Robin have faith in him and also to make Greg pay for [i]everything[/i] he had put Robin through.

Setting: Robin and Jason's Suite

Robin had been right when she said Sonny could find out they stayed at the hotel. He'd called around looking for Jason and was surprised when he heard he had checked in with a woman matching Robin's description. He'd come over to the hotel as soon as he'd gotten the information and Brenda had insisted upon coming with him. Did Jason know about the danger Robin was in? His question was answered by Brenda's screech.

Sonny: "Brenda? What is it?"

Brenda(holding a doll): "I found this hanging from the ceiling. Read what the note says."

Sonny(out loud): "You are my puppet, I am your master. Whether you believe it or not, whereever you go, I pull the strings. What the Hell?"

Brenda: "Where are Robin and Jason, Sonny?"

Sonny: "Jason must have figured their safety had been compromised and moved them to one of the safehouses."

Brenda: "So you think they're alright?"

Sonny: "I don't know. But I do know we still need to find them."

With that Sonny left the suite with Brenda in tow. They were going to look in everyone of the safehouses and not stop until Jason and Robin were found.

Setting: A Small Dark Room

A little girl sat in the corner of her room. No, not her room. Her room was in Paris with her mommy. With the pictures of Daddy and Grandmas and Grandpas Scorpio and Quartermaine and Auntie Brenda and Uncle Sonny. That's where her room was. Not here where Greg had put her after taking her from Mommy. Mommy had fought, had scratched and screamed, punched and kicked until Greg had had her restrained and then had proceeded to beat her into unconsciousness. Billie had begun to cry as her mommy like so many times before had crumpled to the ground in a motionless heap. Then Greg had kicked her mommy in the side and picked Billie up and put her on a plane. Later, when she had landed and was put in this place, Greg had come in with a video. It was of Mommy being told that she, Billie, was dead and never coming home. Mommy had punched the man giving her the news and then when he left she curled up and began rocking herself back and forth. Tears ran down her cheeks and Mommy didn't move for a long time. Didn't move all through the rest of the tape. Just lay there, staring off into space and rocking back and forth. Billie knew that Mommy thought she was dead, it hurt so much that she couldn't be with her mother right now. But she knew, from all the fairytales her mother had ever told her, all the stories that she had told about her Daddy Jason and how soon she would tell him about Billie, she knew her daddy wouldn't believe she was gone. He'd come and find her and Mommy would be with him and they would live together like the family they should be. This was the only thought that kept Billie going anymore. The only thing keeping her from losing her mind and giving up completely. she just hoped that Daddy would come soon.

TBC

(A/N Billie is the name of my maternal grandmother, I did not name her after a Days of Our Lives character.)

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