| Subject: Jericho, 17 |
Author:
Anon
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Date Posted: 02:48:43 09/03/02 Tue
**
Michael and Nikita boarded a Section transport that took them to the airport where they caught a commercial flight. Nikita was silent, lost in her own thoughts. Michael stood to the side and let her sit by the window. After takeoff, he brought out a PDA and worked quietly on it.
Nikita spent the first half hour staring out the window. Afterward she skimmed through the free magazines on the back of the seat directly in front of her. Quickly bored with that, she returned to staring out the window. Michael could tell she was trying not to distract him but after her third sigh he reached over, took hold of her hand and placed the handheld into it.
Nikita stared at him, her eyes questioning. Seated so close to each other, Michael noticed little things about Nikita that he hadn’t been aware of before, like the tiny gold specks in the blue of her eyes and the sprinkling of freckles across the tip of her nose.
She was still staring at him, waiting for an explanation. And in that brief moment that they stared into each other’s eyes Michael discovered something that jarred his whole being;he was falling in love with her.
The realization of it overwhelmed him as he treated her to one of his blank stares. All the excuses he had made for her to Operations, the vague explanations he gave Madeline when questioned about his decisions regarding Nikita, his reluctance to have her reassigned permanently with another mentor… Michael realized now that they had all been excuses for the truth – he loved her.
“Michael?”
“Study the profile,” he said flatly.
Nikita pulled back, a look of bewilderment in her eyes at the coldness in his tone. And then she sighed again, turned away from him and leaned toward the window.
Michael closed his eyes briefly and berated himself silently for his foolhardiness. How could he have let this happen? Hadn’t he learned anything from the lessons he’d learned with Simone? Love – any emotion for that matter – was a weakness, and in Section you couldn’t afford to have weaknesses if you wanted to survive.
No, Michael thought, it can’t be love. Its just desire. But even as he tried to reason with himself Michael knew that he was only making further excuses. The truth was that he hadn’t loved anyone since Simone had died. And despite the love Elena gave him and the love he felt for his son, it wasn’t enough. He needed someone who knew what it was like to live in Section, who knew of the dark deeds he was capable of, who knew that he was a killer, a manipulator, a liar… All the things about him that were black and ugly, and yet still be able to love him.
But Nikita?
Michael opened his eyes and looked away from where she sat. Nikita would never love him. Hadn’t he seen with his own eyes the contempt she held for him after the Chandler mission? She could never love him. To Nikita he was Section. He was everything she hated about Section.
For the remainder of the flight Michael remained aloof and didn’t say anything further to Nikita. When they reached their destination he led the way to where a car was waiting for them. He could tell by Nikita’s silence that she was irritated with him. Michael didn’t blame her; he wasn’t particularly pleased with himself either.
Why Nikita, he wondered? Yes she was beautiful, so were many other women in Section but Michael didn’t find himself falling in love with them. And was this love he felt for her? A part of him said, “yes”, but there was another part of him that wasn’t completely convinced.
This feeling he felt for her, it wasn’t like what he had felt for Simone. With Simone there had been passion and desire and a comforting of each other from the harshness of Section. Michael knew Nikita was passionate – he’d seen her anger enough times to know that. And she was certainly desirable. But did she have feelings of passion and desire toward him? Michael nearly laughed at the thought. For god’s sake, she had pulled a gun on him and threatened to shoot him. One could hardly qualify that as an act of desire.
And yet, Michael acknowledged silently as he stared out at the passing scenery, he did love her.
How else could he explain the reason he wanted to protect her from harm? Or the reason why, when he looked in her eyes and saw fear in them, he wanted to reassure her that things would be alright, that he would take care of her? How else could he explain this feeling of tenderness he felt toward her? When she was angry with him, he wanted to make amends or at least explain why he had had to do what he had. When he was away from Section he felt a compulsive need to check up on her status. And even when she drove him to the very limit of his considerable patience, Michael found that he could never issue an order to remove her from his supervision. And the reason was because Michael knew that despite all the headache and trouble Nikita caused him, despite all her obstinate bull-headedness and insolent behavior during her training years – when she needed someone to lean on, Nikita always turned to him.
There was something remarkably tender in that for Michael. It was as if she saw something in him that no one else in Section could see. He didn’t quite know himself what it was she saw, but he did know that because of that child-like trust she placed in him, Michael felt there was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep her from harm.
He turned now to face her. She was staring out her window, her mouth turned down at the corners. The PDA he’d given her sat neglected in her hands. Michael reached over and gently took hold of her chin. Nikita startled and turned to look at him, her eyes waiting and watching. Michael gave her a small smile. He caressed the side of her face with his thumb as if to say, ‘Don’t worry, everything will be alright.’
He removed his hand, reached down to her lap and took back the PDA. Nikita continued to stare at him, silently assessing him. After a moment she slumped down in her seat, her posture visibly more relaxed as she muttered beneath her breath, “I swerar I’ll never understand you, Michael.”
Michael didn’t reply, but the corners of his mouth lifted into a tiny smile.
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