| Subject: Thanks so much, anon. I loved this series of episodes and am so enjoying your take on what is being...behind |
Author:
Quiver
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Date Posted: 19:05:14 09/03/02 Tue
In reply to:
Anon
's message, "Jericho, 17" on 02:48:43 09/03/02 Tue
>**
>
>Michael and Nikita boarded a Section transport that
>took them to the airport where they caught a
>commercial flight. Nikita was silent, lost in her own
>thoughts. Michael stood to the side and let her sit
>by the window. After takeoff, he brought out a PDA
>and worked quietly on it.
>
>Nikita spent the first half hour staring out the
>window. Afterward she skimmed through the free
>magazines on the back of the seat directly in front of
>her. Quickly bored with that, she returned to staring
>out the window. Michael could tell she was trying not
>to distract him but after her third sigh he reached
>over, took hold of her hand and placed the handheld
>into it.
>
>Nikita stared at him, her eyes questioning. Seated so
>close to each other, Michael noticed little things
>about Nikita that he hadn’t been aware of before, like
>the tiny gold specks in the blue of her eyes and the
>sprinkling of freckles across the tip of her nose.
>
>She was still staring at him, waiting for an
>explanation. And in that brief moment that they
>stared into each other’s eyes Michael discovered
>something that jarred his whole being;he was
>falling in love with her.
>
>The realization of it overwhelmed him as he treated
>her to one of his blank stares. All the excuses he
>had made for her to Operations, the vague explanations
>he gave Madeline when questioned about his decisions
>regarding Nikita, his reluctance to have her
>reassigned permanently with another mentor… Michael
>realized now that they had all been excuses for the
>truth – he loved her.
>
>“Michael?”
>
>“Study the profile,” he said flatly.
>
>Nikita pulled back, a look of bewilderment in her eyes
>at the coldness in his tone. And then she sighed
>again, turned away from him and leaned toward the
>window.
>
>Michael closed his eyes briefly and berated himself
>silently for his foolhardiness. How could he have let
>this happen? Hadn’t he learned anything from the
>lessons he’d learned with Simone? Love – any emotion
>for that matter – was a weakness, and in Section you
>couldn’t afford to have weaknesses if you wanted to
>survive.
>
>No, Michael thought, it can’t be love.
>Its just desire. But even as he tried to reason with
>himself Michael knew that he was only making further
>excuses. The truth was that he hadn’t loved anyone
>since Simone had died. And despite the love Elena
>gave him and the love he felt for his son, it wasn’t
>enough. He needed someone who knew what it was like
>to live in Section, who knew of the dark deeds he was
>capable of, who knew that he was a killer, a
>manipulator, a liar… All the things about him that
>were black and ugly, and yet still be able to love him.
>
> But Nikita?
>
>Michael opened his eyes and looked away from where she
>sat. Nikita would never love him. Hadn’t he seen
>with his own eyes the contempt she held for him after
>the Chandler mission? She could never love him. To
>Nikita he was Section. He was everything she
>hated about Section.
>
>For the remainder of the flight Michael remained aloof
>and didn’t say anything further to Nikita. When they
>reached their destination he led the way to where a
>car was waiting for them. He could tell by Nikita’s
>silence that she was irritated with him. Michael
>didn’t blame her; he wasn’t particularly pleased with
>himself either.
>
>Why Nikita, he wondered? Yes she was beautiful, so
>were many other women in Section but Michael didn’t
>find himself falling in love with them. And was this
>love he felt for her? A part of him said, “yes”, but
>there was another part of him that wasn’t completely
>convinced.
>
>This feeling he felt for her, it wasn’t like what he
>had felt for Simone. With Simone there had been
>passion and desire and a comforting of each other from
>the harshness of Section. Michael knew Nikita was
>passionate – he’d seen her anger enough times to know
>that. And she was certainly desirable. But did she
>have feelings of passion and desire toward him?
>Michael nearly laughed at the thought. For god’s
>sake, she had pulled a gun on him and threatened to
>shoot him. One could hardly qualify that as an act of
>desire.
>
>And yet, Michael acknowledged silently as he stared
>out at the passing scenery, he did love her.
>
>How else could he explain the reason he wanted to
>protect her from harm? Or the reason why, when he
>looked in her eyes and saw fear in them, he wanted to
>reassure her that things would be alright, that he
>would take care of her? How else could he explain
>this feeling of tenderness he felt toward her? When
>she was angry with him, he wanted to make amends or at
>least explain why he had had to do what he had. When
>he was away from Section he felt a compulsive need to
>check up on her status. And even when she drove him
>to the very limit of his considerable patience,
>Michael found that he could never issue an order to
>remove her from his supervision. And the reason was
>because Michael knew that despite all the headache and
>trouble Nikita caused him, despite all her obstinate
>bull-headedness and insolent behavior during her
>training years – when she needed someone to lean on,
>Nikita always turned to him.
>
>There was something remarkably tender in that for
>Michael. It was as if she saw something in him that
>no one else in Section could see. He didn’t quite
>know himself what it was she saw, but he did know that
>because of that child-like trust she placed in him,
>Michael felt there was nothing he wouldn’t do to keep
>her from harm.
>
>He turned now to face her. She was staring out her
>window, her mouth turned down at the corners. The PDA
>he’d given her sat neglected in her hands. Michael
>reached over and gently took hold of her chin. Nikita
>startled and turned to look at him, her eyes waiting
>and watching. Michael gave her a small smile. He
>caressed the side of her face with his thumb as if to
>say, ‘Don’t worry, everything will be alright.’
>
>He removed his hand, reached down to her lap and took
>back the PDA. Nikita continued to stare at him,
>silently assessing him. After a moment she slumped
>down in her seat, her posture visibly more relaxed as
>she muttered beneath her breath, “I swerar I’ll never
>understand you, Michael.”
>
>Michael didn’t reply, but the corners of his mouth
>lifted into a tiny smile.
.....thought of behind M's green eyes...
(BTW: Something weird is happening every time I want to make a reply to the story: Your whole story post is showing up in my reply dialog box. I sure hope the story doesn't disappear when I post the reply.....Here goes....let's see what happens.)...Q
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