| Subject: 4 |
Author:
Anonymous
[Edit]
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Date Posted: 23:07:26 05/20/09 Wed
two.
chris mckenzie.
Long after I had appeared offline, I was still thinking about the ordeal between Ricardo and myself. Maybe I had come off a little rude, but what was I really supposed to tell him? He was questioning my sexuality, for Christ sake. He doesn’t even know who I am anymore, so why is he acting like he does? Anyway, I could give a fuck what he thinks. He can’t base who I’m into on some shit that happened a long, long time ago.
I had never thought about a guy under rainbow strobes before, even back when I was ten. I was just curious as hell and, as you grow up, you learn the differences between right and wrong. I’ve learned those differences. I have a girlfriend, AND I love my girlfriend. I’m not just with her to be with her. I’m with her because I actually have strong feelings about her. And maybe that’s what Ricardo didn’t understand about me yet.
So what had he done? Had he researched my name on Myspace solely to come into contact with me, or had he just run into my page? Regardless, I wanted to see what the fuck this guy was dealing with. If he had come onto my page, I think I have the right to go onto his. And so, hopping back onto the computer, I went to the search bar on Google and I typed his MSN name into the box.
No results.
Ricky? Nah. Ricardo? Eh … Rick! When I typed Rick in, I got a couple of results, but one of them stood out more than all of the others.
Myspace.com – RickDatNigga – 19 – Male – Illinois – www…
I was pretty sure that this was his page and so, with little doubt in my mind, I clicked on the link. It turned purple for a second and then the screen switched, and his myspace page slowly began to load. I sat back, seeing the crimson red infiltrate my screen and then suddenly, after it scrolled a little on its own, it was done. I glanced to the left of the screen a moment.
I had to look twice, to make sure this wasn’t Clifford Harris’ page. After making sure that it wasn’t and confirming that it was in fact Ricardo, I proceeded to read his description.
About RickDatNigga
Name: Ricardo Smith
Age: 19
Where: Chicago
Sexuality: Gay
Status: Single
Height: 5’10
Shoe Size: 13 (wink, wink) lollll
(773) – 819 - 9900
And that was it.
Blinking, I stared at the number and wondered if it was his cell. What else could it be? I wondered. He had gotten into contact with me out of the blue though. Maybe once --- just once, I could get into contact with him out of the blue. Just to, sort of --- counter how rude I was. But let him know that I was still serious about my standpoint.
Grasping my Blackberry Bold, I slid it over onto its back in my palm and I stared at the number for a long while before I decided that I would dial it. I had no idea what I wanted to say, but I knew I wanted to speak to him, at least to clear a few things up. So I did dial the number, reluctantly of course, and then I slowly brought the PDA to my ear and I listened to the ringing through the receiver. A great deal of spit settled in the pit of my throat and I swallowed hard, growing more and more nervous the more it rang.
And then, finally, the ringing cut short and silence fell in for a moment. Then, I heard somebody take a breath. “Hello?” The voice on the other end of the line was so deep that I almost didn’t understand his wording. His voice was nearly inaudible. It rumbled with baritone as he responded to my call.
I tried to counter his voice, subconsciously, by speaking in a lower voice than natural. “Hello?” I replied, sounding like Mickey Mouse in comparison to dude.
“Yeah, whose this?” he questioned harshly, cutting me off. He seemed incredibly impatient, and I wondered if that was how I had come off on MSN. Probably.
“Chris,” I answered timidly, for fear that he would get mad and cuss me out after how I had acted. But instead, there was a pause on the line as I heard him sigh heavily. My heart skipped a beat as I wondered whether or not he would just click the end button and diminish our conversation. He seemed like the type. But he wasn’t responding in any way, I soon came to realize. “Chris, the one on MSN ---,”
“I know,” he interrupted. “Where’d you get my number?”
“Myspace,” I explained shortly.
“Oh.” Another brief pause and another heavy sigh before he said anything else. “I thought you were a busy man.”
“Well ---,” I shrugged as I licked my lips and sat back in the chair, feeling myself relax a little bit. “I am, you know. But I had some free time today --- I sort of, um, miscalculated what I had to get done.”
“Right,” Ricardo responded on his end, which proved to me that he wasn’t buying any of my bullshit.
“Right,” I responded. “So, you were on my Myspace?” I questioned, trying to lead into what I really wanted him to know.
“I was,” he grumbled back.
“Seen me and my girlfriend?” I added in almost a taunting tone of voice. I wanted him to understand that, whether or not he wanted me like that, I had a girlfriend and I wasn’t gay. But it didn’t really seem to have the effect that I hoped it would, because Ricardo didn’t seem too bothered by it.
“I did. She cute.”
Not really what I was going for.
“Yeah …,” I licked my lips. “Yeah, she is.”
“You ever let her know that you gay, or you just stringing her along?” Ricardo questioned out of the blue. I was offended, first of all, at the fact that he had called me gay. And secondly, he just didn’t get it. Why didn’t he fucking get it? I wasn’t gay, I was with her, and I loved her.
“Nigga, who the fuck told you I was gay?” I called out into the phone, angrily.
“Your actions,” he responded all-knowingly. “What more do I need?”
“I was ten!” I shouted. “That shit doesn’t even count.”
“Whatever kid,” he grumbled through the receiver as though he didn’t give a fuck. “Is that what you called me for? To let me know you’re not gay?”
“Nah ---,” I lied, “… but if you’re asking, I’m telling. I’m straight.”
There was a gap between sentences, just before Ricardo sighed, yet again. “Okay.”
He was letting me get away with making my sentence, though he didn’t believe me --- I knew that shit --- and yet, I felt the need to say more. It wasn’t enough, to have him disbelieve me.
“What you mean, okay?”
“I mean alright nigga, cool,” Ricardo responded in his masculine tone. I never would have thought a nigga with that much bass in his voice was even remotely fruity, and yet, this guy right here was an open homosexual who spoke something like Barry White. “If you say you’re straight, you’re straight. Chill out.”
He was fucking with me on purpose, and I could tell, but there was not much I could do about it, so why try?
“I’m chill,” I told him as I sat upright in my chair.
“Good,” he muttered. “So what you think about being cool like we were?” he asked, out of the blue yet again.
“Sounds okay,” I retorted a short while later. “Not crazy about it though.”
“Nah, but I’m saying. We were good friends. Good friends are hard to come by these days.”
His statement hit home kind of hard. I nodded in understanding. “True.” It made sense. I didn’t really have any close friends. There were no dudes that I hung out with every Friday, let alone, any other day of the week. Outside of school, only Sabrina mattered and for a second, I wished I had somebody out there, who was just a good friend of mine.
And shit, maybe Ricardo wanted that too.
“So what, should I check for you?”
My idea of having a good friend was blossoming but when he spoke about checking me, the bubble of thought slowly --- lessened in size. I just wasn’t sure about having a homosexual male come and check me, especially when we had history like we did. And by the way he was acting, I wasn’t sure he was willing to be just my friend.
“I don’t know,” I opposed finally. “I don’t really think that’s a good idea.”
There was a succinct recess in which Ricardo took a deep breath and then, he laughed. “Really, what you think I’m gon’ do? Serious, I’m just wondering about a friendship thing. ‘Cause none of my boys was ever close to me like you was.”
“That’s the problem,” I hinted. “We already were too close. I don’t think we need to start hanging out or anything like that.”
“Because you think I’ll try something,” Ricardo spat before I even had a chance to tell him that I didn’t. But I did. “When I’m fully telling you that I just want to be your friend.”
“That’s okay,” I replied. “Honestly.”
There was nothing said for a long while --- it seemed like eternity, before I heard a little rustle on his end of the phone. There was a lot of noise, and it sounded like wind from moving cars and then, as it died down, he spoke. “What you call me for?”
I didn’t have a straight answer for him. I would’ve said ‘to be friends,’ had I not denied that bullshit only seconds before. So what was I to say? To prove that I’m not a fag like you? That would be the wrong shit to say.
“I don’t know ---,” was the only thing I could manage to get out. “Maybe because ---,”
And then, out of nowhere, Ricardo decided that I wasn’t worth speaking to anymore. He interrupted my sentence in the worst way by clearing his throat loudly. I thought he had said something, and so I stopped and questioned him on what he had said. It was then that he said “I’m a busy man, so … I’m out.”
He was gone before I had even registered that he was mocking me.
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SEC 4th of July Pageant- June 28 in Raleigh NC
July 18th Preliminary - :)