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Date Posted: 10:34:47 03/21/01 Wed
Author: Beki
Subject: Re: haiku
In reply to: jan oskar hansen 's message, "haiku" on 08:09:06 03/21/01 Wed

Some small problems with this

a military band (too long, drop "a")

march down a leafy avenue
(ALso too long and correct verb is marches)

killing music (ok ...)

possible rewrite:

Military band
marches down this avenue
murdering music.


that rewrite also has a nice "m" alliteration goin on ....

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Replies:

  • Re: haiku -- mutington, 21:21:47 03/21/01 Wed
  • Re: haiku -- jan oskar hansen, 02:04:33 03/22/01 Thu
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