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Date Posted: 13:40:41 06/05/24 Wed
Author: JeffsFort ()
Subject: That's part of the problem
In reply to: Dom 's message, "Hugs Jeff, know how you feel. Still feels not real." on 12:01:47 06/04/24 Tue

I've dealt with many deaths in my family, some close friends, some really cool coworkers... In every single loss, there is an upset to the daily schedule. Someone is no longer present and that open seat is right there in your face, giving you no choice but to see it, deal with it, and learn to accept it.

Online, we are a different kind of family. One that lives for the next message. That next opportunity for that glimpse into the world of someone you have learned to wait for, because their messages are what physically fills that seat. We've trained our brains to accept that there will be days, sometimes weeks that that seat is supposed to be empty. To us, that's not just normal but it's okay, and even supposed to be empty barring that last interaction to look at and tide you over until the next one comes in.

My brain, like yours and everyone else's is waiting for that next message...still! We know it's not coming. But that empty seat has always been there, waiting for it's owner to occupy it for the next glimpse into his world. For me it helps just as much as it hurts to keep that empty seat there. Not sure how healthy that is but to me, it feels like a way to keep a part of that relationship alive.

It hits home when something cool happens for me and I instinctively want to send him an email to tell him about it. It hits home when I check my email and know that there will be no more surprise emails in my inbox to make me smile, or no files to post on IMAGINE... The magazine is another double edged sword to me that hits home, and hard.

He was so proud of what we were accomplishing, and how serious I took everything I did to help him keep it alive. Even the people who are involved on an ongoing basis took our nonsense seriously and carved out their own section to add to it all. He made me proud to be a part of it all and now... We are about a week away from July's launch and my inbox is empty.(Here come the tears, damn it!) ...

It's hard to pick up that ball to run with it. I can but sometimes I have this nagging feeling that it's not mine to carry. Not without the boss. So, his empty chair stays right where it is as my way of keeping him with me while I struggle to find a way to support his corner, and figure out how to keep holding up mine at the same time.

Sorry, I didn't expect this to become a monolog but I've had it rattling around in my head this whole time and of anyone, other Shackers would get it.

::HUGZ::

Last edited by author: Wed June 05, 2024 13:44:31   Edited 1 time.

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