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Date Posted: 16:39:05 07/16/24 Tue
Author: JeffsFort
Subject: Still doesn't feel real :(
In reply to: Dom 's message, "Today is Tuesday July 16th, exactly 3 months since Com left us :(" on 11:09:28 07/16/24 Tue

Thanks Dom, I really appreciate that. My main problem is just never feeling like what I'm doing is enough, which I know is dumb but, Comsie is no less a brother to me as my own flesh and blood. There are plenty of times in the quarter century we've known each other that he went out of his way for me when I was struggling so any time he needed help in any way, I made sure he had it if I could. Many of us veteran Shackers had that same code of honor ;) I'm still regretting having never taken that long overdue vacation and driven to Georgia to finally meet him face to face as we often joked around about. I have no doubt that he knew I cared as much as I do and between us when the topic came up, there was always tomorrow. Damn it all.

I'm putting in the work for us all. Some of it I've silently been doing in the background for years, some of it I'm doing for the first time for him. All of it is worth it as long as we all need or want it.

3 Months and I still can not consider this without tearing up... Smile and the world smiles with you, right?

If you want a small glimpse of what Jeff behind the JeffsFort persona is struggling with, read Dennis' Stormcloud https://imagine-magazine.org/releases/volume-105/dennis-sc-02/ in the magazine. It may be channeled through a fictional character but the core of how Dennis feels about the whole situation is actually in a way me venting my own hurt and anger and frustration with how unfair it all feels because, I waited too long and the tomorrow I see now is no longer the tomorrow I was putting off. Each character I created represents part of me. The Adam in IMAGINE most closely mirrors the part of JeffsFort everyone knows. In a way, him being injured and not as public as he heals right now is very much symbolic. He's the hardest for me to reach at the moment.

::HUGZ::

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