I just found out. I can't believe he's gone. -- The Shack Forums

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Date Posted: 08:57:17 07/23/24 Tue
Author: Magnus
Subject: I just found out. I can't believe he's gone.

I'm in shock. I just found out.

I used to be a daily visitor to the forum and saturday night chat from my teens into my early 20s. I'm 40 now. I had conversations with Comsie multiple times a week. We got to know each other very well. I drifted away but would check the forum a couple of times a year. I had a dream about him last night and came to the forum to lurk and see how he was doing. The first thing I read was that horrible message. A couple of sentences in and I was knocked off my feet. I reread it a couple of times just to make sure I wasn't getting it wrong. It's only been a few minutes; I can't believe it.

I thought of Comsie often and even though I wasn't around I loved him dearly. Everybody has those people in their lives that leave them changed. Comicality was one of mine. I feel so horrible. I just want to keep saying 'I love you' over and over as if expressing my love for him will somehow call him back to me. I don't ever want to stop saying it. My dear God, I can't believe this. It's been three months and I'm just now finding out! How could I have not known you were gone for three months?! I wanted to be here with you all the years that I was gone, but I was afraid you were mad at me for how we left things. I wanted to reach out to you for so long just to tell you I love you but I was too afraid. And now I can't, and I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if you ever knew that I never stopped loving you.

I love you Nitz. I always have and I always will. I'm so grateful that I had you in my life and I wish you were still here. I gave you a piece of my heart and you took it with you when you left. I pray with all my soul that it brings you some kind of comfort and peace. I'm going to feel your absence for the rest of my life. A part of me will be missing until I see you again. I hope to God that I get to see you again. Thank you for everything you gave me. I love you. I love you with all of my heart. I hope you knew that and I hope you know that now. God, why didn't I just be brave and tell you that while you were still alive? I'm going to miss you everyday. I don't want to miss you everyday. I love you so fucking much.

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Replies:

So sad... -- JeffsFort (sad), 18:08:07 07/23/24 Tue
- Thank you. -- Magnus, 19:02:07 07/23/24 Tue
  - Anytime! -- JeffsFort, 21:51:51 07/23/24 Tue
Hey Magnus -- Dom, 11:37:27 07/24/24 Wed
- Sorry for the confusion, but I'm not the Magnus you're thinking about. -- Magnus, 12:36:23 07/25/24 Thu
  - Yup we talked yesterday in the chat room. (NT) -- Dom, 11:47:45 07/26/24 Fri

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