Re: Story woes -- The Lonely Canadian Writer

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Date Posted: 13:40:33 05/22/08 Thu GMT-5
Author: Lori (scratching head)
Author Host/IP: S0106001a70540c2c.cg.shawcable.net / 68.145.251.17
Subject: Re: Story woes
In reply to: Roger 's message, "Re: Story woes" on 12:19:33 05/22/08 Thu GMT-5

Of course, it all depends on the context. It may be a crucial bit of information that wouldn't work as dialogue.

"I love that dress," he said.
He must really love it, the way he's drooling, she thought.
"Thank you, " she said.

Not a good example, but maybe something like that. My instinct is, if you can do it with dialogue, do it. Editors love good dialogue.

Lori

>If it is a crucial part of the conversation, rather
>than the parenthetical sort of comment that Lori gave
>in her example, it's a bit difficult for the reader to
>be jerked in and out of the conversation. If the
>indirect quote were something like, "Just at that
>moment, her mother poked her head in the door to say
>that dinner was almost ready." Then it interrupts the
>conversation in the same way that type of interruption
>in a real conversation would occur. I can't see doing
>this with a key part of the conversation.
>
>Roger
>
>
>>Lori: I AM saying that there is some dialogue between
>>the characters and then I summarize the gist of part
>>of it and then I return to actual dialogue. My editor
>>self is suggesting that this may be a fatal flaw and
>>that I need to improve this area. My initial idea in
>>presenting it this way was about the main character
>>and how he drifted into his own version of what is
>>actually happening, rather than being fully present in
>>the moment. But this may not be the best reader clue
>>that I could provide.
>>Oh, well. Thanks for your comments.
>>Onward
>>Liz
>>
>>>Hey, Liz:
>>>
>>>Good for you, that's what I've been doing today, too,
>>>revisiting. Easier said than done, often.
>>>
>>>Without actually seeing an example of this, I find
>it
>>>a little hard to picture (that's probably me). Are
>you
>>>saying that the characters are having some dialogue
>>>and then you do some summary and then back to
>>>dialogue? I think that's fairly common. I think I've
>>>seen it done sucessfully with the inddented dash
>>>instead of quotation mark system that Irish authors
>>>like Joyce, Edna O'Brien and Roddy Doyle use.
>>>
>>> - You know, this stuff.
>>> And then she said something else that didn't
>>>really matter. I didn't even hear it, really.
>>> - Hey, are you guys still listening?
>>>
>>>I am getting that right?
>>>
>>>Best,
>>>
>>>Lori
>>>
>>>
>>>

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