And how incredibly rude of me, Peaches and Herb.... -- thecoffeeshop

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Date Posted: 02:05:33 02/12/05 Sat
Author: LaneyLounge~Some romance tips enclosed
Subject: And how incredibly rude of me, Peaches and Herb....

not to directly address our Hostess and Toaster. ;-) So in honor of you two, and your chickens, I present you with some Valentine's suggestions. And bear in mind, Herbster, the feather is kinky and the whole chicken is just plain perverted. (I know, an old joke... sorry, couldn't help myself.)

The Top 16 Valentine's Day Romance Tips

16> When taking her out to a romantic Valentine's Day dinner, be sure to carry her tray. For an extra touch, unwrap her straw, too.

15> Nothing says "I love you" quite like violating her restraining order.

14> Don't get their cards mixed up or you might end up having to have sex with your wife instead of your secretary.

13> If she suggests "trying something different," she means
something that involves *her*.

12> Just because she loved the chocolate hearts last year does NOT mean she will love the chocolate spleens this year.

11> Suppress the diabolical laughter until after the restraints are buckled securely.

10> Wait at least eight years after your wife dies under
suspicious circumstances before proposing to your
long-time lover. (Prince Charles only)

9> A quick stop at the cemetery on the way home should save time and money and still produce a beautiful bouquet.

8> A gentleman takes a bite out of all of the chocolates so that his lady doesn't have to guess what each one contains.

7> Save the "keggerator" hat and belching the alphabet for
Arbor Day. (PMDragon only)

6> An extra fiver will insure the video store guy puts a
"Terminator" DVD in your "Thelma and Louise" box.

5> Phrases to avoid at dinner: "fully tax-deductible";
"violation of my parole"; "by decree of Lord Satan";
and "unpaid humor-list contributor."

4> If there's any chance whatsoever she might sleep with you, do the safe thing -- get rid of those "Star Wars" sheets.

3> When role-playing, do not suggest that she be the hot chick at work.

2> Start your date as late as possible to lessen the odds your true self will accidentally surface.

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Valentine's Day Romance Tip...

1> Your choice of gift tells a woman what you think about her. Roses, for example, say, "No chocolate for you, tubby!"

And altho' this only received honorable mention in the TopFive, I thought it was pretty damned funny....

Although it shows far less commitment, a gift of a heart-shaped box of candy will likely be more favorably received than an actual human heart.

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[> OMG hahahahahahahahahahah -- Bully, 04:25:16 03/02/05 Wed [1]

Had to laugh at the secretary one:)

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