Author:
Susan (Happy to have found this place)
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Date Posted: 23:17:44 11/13/10 Sat
I guess I should have said that I am 44 yrs old, and live in Arizona.
Sue
>This is my second letter. I wrote one last night but
>didn't like how it came out so I think I'll try again.
> I guess I should mention I'm taking my six week shot
>out of twenty-six tomorrow. 25% down, 75% to go.
>Anything more you would like to know just ask but I'm
>new at this and while the whirlwind was sinking in I
>didn't have the forethought to remember all the
>numbers and figures they were throwing at me. To my
>mind, it's almost like if a judge sentenced me to
>death for something I knew nothing about, forgive me
>if I didn't notice what color socks he happened to be
>wearing. I'll listen closer next time but that kind
>of numbness don't happen often and I wasn't prepared.
> This may seem to turn into a pity party every once
>in a while but bear with me. There are just a few
>things I feel need to be out in the open between me
>and anyone who is kind enough to answer. I don't
>intend to let myself become this nightmare, and I
>certainly won't let it be the defining factor in my
>life and happiness, but if someone thinks they could
>get close, they deserve to know what they're getting
>themselves into.
> I've been a sub-contractor up until I started this
>treatment and I suppose I must be easy enough to look
>at. I get "hit on" by clerks, waitresses and the
>occasional customers sister, cousin, best friend etc.
>I've always had to make excuses for not getting
>involved and I'm sure there have been some feelings
>hurt and egos bruised while I hid behind a workaholic
>persona that went home every night and pretended I was
>not interested because of some fairy tale I would make
>up to explain why a guy like me was always alone.
>When a neighbor or co-worker brings the sister or
>girlfriends best friend around, who they know would be
>a perfect match, it gets a little trickier. But the
>bottom line is, I've not only been lonely more nights
>than I care to remember, but also probably left a
>string of decent girls behind wondering why they
>didn't "measure up" or if I was just a stuck up
>tight-ass with no sense of fun. The secret is every
>bit as bad as the celibacy.
> As I write this, I hope somewhere out there,
>someone will take the time to write and become
>friends, and hopefully become one of those couples
>that make everyone else sick because they can find so
>much happiness in the day to day life that so many
>people take for granted. I've never believed in the
>Neitche saying "if it don't kill you, it makes you
>stronger" because I'm getting aches and pains from my
>twenties that disprove that theory, but I do believe
>that the experience of this demon can be turned into
>an inspiration that could stand up under many things
>that would drive an average couple to the brink of
>despair.
> Geographically, I'm going to be pretty flexible.
>At least as I write this, one of my priorities is to
>put this nightmare and everything that goes along with
>it behind me. I have a couple of people I would stay
>in touch with but the fact is, I've lived a lie for so
>long that a short good-bye and occasional card is
>about all I feel like I owe the majority of
>aquaintances I've met since I learned that life as I
>knew it was over.
> Well, I hope this is the first step to the most
>important part of my next leg of lifes journey. Who
>will share it with me? If you would like to trade
>pics that would be nice. I'm not all that picky or
>have a certain "type" but I could probably write a
>better note if I had a mental picture of who was on
>the other end.
> While I'm here primarily to find my soul-mate (kind
>of takes on a new meaning now) if anyone wants to
>share experiences and stand shoulder to shoulder in
>this battle I would be more than happy to try to
>either cheer you up or relate the misery of my day to
>day existence for the next 4 1/2 months of shots,
>pills and general confusion that seems to be ruling my
>life for this brief time. Good luck to all and God
>bless and protect you Mike
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