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Date Posted: 05:44:26 05/01/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: ...The rhythm is all very good, especially the last 3 lines. I don't like the third last line, seems a bit wet.
In reply to: luke 's message, "I almost like the light blue/dark blue thing but I don't. I don't mind 'subtleties' or 'unholy.' I like the rhyme but I'm not sure if it adds much to the meaning or just makes it seem crazy different. The lack of rhyme with 'room' makes me want to say 'brokoom' so the rhythm is broken there, very dramatic and quite funny in a way. The break made me expect a major change in content/tone in the second half, but there wasn't much of a change...." on 05:43:22 05/01/01 Tue


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