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Date Posted: 19:57:19 06/08/01 Fri
Author: tim
Subject: no rhyme poem!

Morning love

The sky is drunk
And collapsing on the shoulder
Of the sun.

I am tired
Hugging linen by the fire
That your body has become.

The sun comes
Knocking at our door
Peeking through the keyhole

We don't get up
To let him in
So he sneaks through the window instead

One hesitant leg
After another after another…
Stepping softly on the roughed-up carpet.

You squint at his intrusion
Evil eye.
And collapse back to bed in surrender.

But I am already dressing in his
Cold blue light.

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Replies:

[> i like the first two stanzas and the last two lines. peaking and sneaks sounds too twee. did you feel more honest writing without rhyme? and, en passant, did you consider a variant to the first verse: 'The sky is collapsing/ drunk on the shoulder/ of the sun...'? -- si, 20:37:49 06/11/01 Mon

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[> i really liked this actually. on first reading i didn't but i like it more now. though i dont like the 'to let him in / so he sneaks...' bit. it doesn't sound very much like morning love though. sounds more like morning rejection! (was that your intention?) -- zeina, 12:06:29 06/17/01 Sun

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