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Date Posted: 20:37:49 06/11/01 Mon
Author: si
Subject: i like the first two stanzas and the last two lines. peaking and sneaks sounds too twee. did you feel more honest writing without rhyme? and, en passant, did you consider a variant to the first verse: 'The sky is collapsing/ drunk on the shoulder/ of the sun...'?
In reply to: tim 's message, "no rhyme poem!" on 19:57:19 06/08/01 Fri


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[> i really liked this actually. on first reading i didn't but i like it more now. though i dont like the 'to let him in / so he sneaks...' bit. it doesn't sound very much like morning love though. sounds more like morning rejection! (was that your intention?) -- zeina, 12:06:29 06/17/01 Sun

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