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Date Posted: 17:22:48 10/07/04 Thu
Author: jo
Author Host/IP: 207.44.154.35
Subject: "now I've stopped being an idiot"
In reply to: volt 's message, "a LK's diary entry" on 17:09:39 10/07/04 Thu

I wonder what that means ... maybe she was wearing the same sox two days in a row ... or something.

Definitely time to pull out of the nose dive ...



>Posted by Jamelah F. Earle (jamelah)
>
>"The only way I can fall asleep is if the room is
>totally dark, so I guess it's fortunate that when I
>close my eyes, all I see is black. But my eyes are
>open, which means sleep is out of the question."
>
>
>Does this reminds anyone of like a bad Jodie Foster
>movie or maybe a cheesy underground comic strip?
>
>"This is okay, because it's now, at three whatever in
>the morning that I can see things better. The pile of
>clothes that I've been steadily building over the past
>week looks like a dead body sliding off of my desk
>chair onto the floor, something that's infinitely
>preferable to the only truth I have, the one that says
>I'm a mess."
>
>Its not exactly Virginia Woolf, more like Squeeky
>Fromm's "A Letter from Atascadero".....
>
>
>"There was a full moon a few nights ago, a month ago,
>sometime. All the nights have started running together
>now that I've decided to stop being an idiot. And
>anyway, I don't have curtains on my window, so my room
>was lit up like a crime scene. Or the inside of a
>broken refrigerator, one where the door shuts and the
>light stays on and all that's in there is a bottle of
>beer, half a jar of mustard, some shredded cheese, and
>me, wishing I'd remembered to put on an extra pair of
>socks."
>
>In Cal, this would be grounds for a 5150.....she needs
>help, for sure
>
>
>"It gets cold in here at night."
>
>(deep, sistah)
>
>"I haven't slept in weeks, not really slept, and I'm
>just arrogant enough to believe that I'm doing fine.
>Or at least that's what I let myself pretend while I
>stare at my dead body of discarded clothing and try
>not to think about things. Every night, the neighbors
>scream at each other, and all I know is that I don't
>scream enough, that the scar on my foot is invisible
>in the dark, that if I weren't too lazy to get up and
>get my cigarettes out of the kitchen, I could be
>burning myself alive in bed right now.
>
>I'd be warm then."
>
>
>99 Days of Discarded Clothes: A Journal of a Crack
>Whore?
>
>
>"There is a part of me that likes freezing, I guess,
>because even though I know that I could huddle
>underneath the blankets and give unconsciousness a
>shot, this is the only choice I have. Insomnia has
>taught me that I can indeed commit to something, and
>I'm going to hang onto it. This is the first time in
>my life I've remembered my dreams."
>
>The vocabulary, syntax, and depth of insight is about
>the level of a 10th grade failed cheerleader.........

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