I just want to scream!! (long) -- CastawaysII

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Date Posted: 20:05:41 01/17/08 Thu
Author: Sandy
Author Host/IP: 75-138-109-074.dhcp.hckr.nc.charter.com / 75.138.109.74
Subject: I just want to scream!! (long)

Where to begin...

Well, first of all, about a year and a half ago I changed jobs. I was fairly happy in my old job. I had my own office. I made decent money, cheap insurance, easy people to work for, benefits and my best friend works there. I also made good friends with others. My boss wasn't the best but other than that, I was fairly happy.

And then my brother started his own company and talked me into working for him. He needed me to take care of the office. The plan was that we would install Quick Books and I'd learn to take care of all the office work and eventually do most of the stuff the accountant does for him and the accountant would just look over our books quarterly. Before I quit my old job, I asked him repeatedly if he was absolutely sure there would be enough office work to keep me busy. I offered to just work a couple evenings a week for him in addition to my other job. He assured me that it would at least be several days a week and then I could fill in the other 2 days in the shop until we got busier. I had reservations but on the other hand I thought this was my chance to set up the office the way I wanted it and run that end of the business. I looked at it as a challenge.

Well, turns out that I have almost nothing to do in the office. He still hasn't bought Quick Books or any other accounting program. He's content to let the accountant do most of that. I maybe have 2 or 3 hours a week in the office. The rest of the time I'm in the shop working with the biggest bunch of rednecks you've ever seen. I can't stand these people. There is one woman I'm ok friends with. The men are vulgar and disgusting and they pick on me all the time. I get so sick of their bullshit I can't stand it.

I've always been the kind of person who wants to be left alone when I'm working. I like to just concentrate on what I'm doing without a lot of distraction. On my other job I never answered phones. Now I always have to answer even though it's ALWAYS for my brother so I have to take him the phone. Why he can't just answer it is beyond me because he's usually in the office or just supervising, while I'm running the sander, marking out for the bandsaw guy or doing actual work and I have to stop to take him the phone.

I have no insurance, no benefits and even though he started me out at more than I was making there, by now I'd be making more at the old job and still have the insurance. We get almost no holidays off. Today it snowed...the first snow in years and he wouldn't even let me stay home and enjoy it even though I basically didn't have anything to do most of the day. He came to get me.

Like I said, the people I work with are just the armpit of society. The guys are crude. They aggravate me constantly. For example...one day last week I had a horrible headache. It's all I could do to get to work and I felt sick all day. I told them repeatedly that my head was pounding and I didn't feel like talking or being picked on. I asked them to leave me alone. But they didn't. They ran their mouths all day and just irritated the hell out of me. No matter what I do or say, they have some dumb comment about it and then think it's so hilariously funny. I just want them to shut the hell up and go away. All day I was taking headache medicine and nothing worked. Finally I left about an hour early and came home where it's quiet and guess what? The headache went away.

So... I hate my job. I'd go back to my old job but there is a cat at our shop. She's a sweetheart. She had kittens when I first started. She had 2. One got hurt and died from getting smashed by some boards. My nephew took the other one home. I had the momma cat fixed. She's so sweet and I'm attached to her. She helps make the day more bearable. If I leave, who will take care of her. No one else bothers with her. I buy all her food. I go there on weekends to feed her. I'd bring her home with me but my cats wouldn't like her and they'd fight. If I could figure out what to do with her, I'd be out of there in a second.

And then there is this guy I've been dating for 8 months. We get along great most of the time. He's hinted at wanting to get married. But do I want to get married? I mean, sometimes I do. But other times, like last night when he was here... I was aggitated from work. I was in a bad mood and I really wanted to be alone. Sometimes I don't think I can be with someone all the time.

He's a great guy. We get along. I don't know what I want. I don't want to have to decide anything.

Maybe it's just cause my job irritates me so bad. I don't know. I just know that sometimes I just want to come home and be left alone. I don't want to talk. I just want to relax all along. He's called me twice this evening but I don't have anything to say really. I don't want to be on the phone. I had a rough day. I want to chill by myself.

I wish I knew what would make me happy. What do I want? I grasp at things and think they will make a difference...until I get whatever it is and then I find out it wasn't what I want or need.

I need something but I don't know what. I don't know how to fix my life. I don't know if anything would make me happy. So how do I know what to do or how to make a decision?

Sorry for the long post... but thanks for reading if you still are.

Take care,
Sandy

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Replies:

Re: I just want to scream!! (long) -- Dave, 12:26:08 01/18/08 Fri
Re: I just want to scream!! (long) -- Liz, 14:15:54 01/18/08 Fri
- Re: I just want to scream!! (long) -- gem, 23:26:55 01/19/08 Sat
Re: I just want to scream!! (long) -- Mikki, 11:49:13 01/20/08 Sun