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Date Posted: 16:18:15 01/14/06 Sat
Author: chrys
Subject: okay if you really want the dream
it's long, be forewarned, if it's too big i can just erase it later maybe.
to preface or put in context, i have been having some really vivid dreams lately, ones th at i think may be more than dreams, one or two that i KNOW have been real because they've been about people who i've talked to later that same day or something. two nights ago i dreamt that my mom and i went to phoenix and stopped at this girl laura's house who is the one i left a lot of my crap with when i left college so long ago. in the dream, her grandmother told us that laura was in an institution for something, and i wrote her a note. strange as it may sound, and i could be delusional, when i woke up i totally thought it was true. also in general intuition has been pretty ON the last couple days, don't know if it was the full moon or what, which is right around the time of last night's dream...
so in the dream, i take a road trip with louise. i know we're going to the east coast but i don't know where to. when we're almost there, i ask her, and she says "branford," which is the place i was born and the town i lived in until i was almost six, and where my grandmother lived until she died. i was kind of freaked out and louise told me she was born there too (in real life she was born near houston, tx). before we pull in, i internally start thinking like, what if people recognize me and tell my parents i was there (lots of families we grew up with still live there and still talk to my parents if only a once a yr x-mas card) and also entertained the idea of like, looking up stuff about my own life, records and shit, saying i needed a new birth certificate. all this was like, in my head as we're pulling up. so louise parks the car and has to get out to go to the bathroom, but she doesn't turn the car all the way off and i'm sort of freaked. so i get out and sit on the hood of the car while i wait for her. some dude comes up and starts talking to me, just mundane questions but then asks about my eyes, like oh your sight isn't too good huh? and i said no, it's really not and he told me about what movies were playing at the theater across the street. there were only three, and one of them was called thirteen or something like that, and it was supposed to be scary. then all of a sudden, on the building we're parked in front of, we notice a sign for a UFO convention. it starts that night, a friday with live music at nine pm. i know louise will not be up for that but i think of going anyway. the main convention is the next day, saturday all day, and i think maybe we should go. then louise comes out and gets in the car and we drive around some more. everything we pass looks like, sort of idyllic, i guess you'd call it. the grass is really green and lush and trimmed, and the streets are like real connecticut-looking, i mean kinda similar to how i actually remember things there. the sun was out and it had to be maybe autumn, early autumn, i'm not sure really on the time of year but the sun was definitely out. okay so then we go to this diner to eat and it's called like, the stone view diner, or something like that with the word stone in the title. in there, i see a real estate guide, and they're advertizing "stone view" property the way some people would advertize beachfront or something like that. i couldn't figure out what all the stone stuff was, except that there were supposed to be some beautiful structure and i told myself to pay attention on my way back out.
so we eat in the diner and louise meets up with a friend of hers and soon it's time to go. we start making our way up a huge amount of stairs. something is pink about the place tha we are, maybe the walls but maybe just a feel to it. louise is all showing me like, how to walk up the stairs in a sure way that won't associate me with any gangs, and i follow her style then go on ahead as louise is a much slower walker, especially on stairs. so i get to the top and there are all these high school aged kids and i start thinking, come on now are there really gangs to worry about? then i remember something i once read in some internet chain letter about gangs in new haven (which is the next town over) and decided i'd better be careful. there is a group of girls laughing, maybe my sister's age and one of them looks a lot like her friend caitlyn, and i wonder if they're laughing at me. then there are two other girls sitting on a bench and one of them grabs my wrist and starts tracing my veins, and i don't know if this is a good thing or bad. time passes and i start to get really worried about louise and her friend, like it shouldn't be taking THIS long. but i also REALLY don't want to go back in there, so i don't. i use a cell phone to check my messages, and now i walk away from the diner, past more idyllic type hedges and yards.
the first msg on my phone was from tool boy, which was like, oh didn't you get my msg from the hospital (in real life he was going to come over last night and never did, which ended up being kinda good cuz i fell asleep super early anyway), and he said i'll see you at seven tomorrow, and i was in CT thinking how will i get back to orcas in time? so then the recorded answering machine voice tells me i have 225 more msgs or something and half of them are erased b/c the power went out. so then an operator tells me we should just send someone over to tell you, and then i go back into the diner and this guy appears. i am still looking for louise and her friend and can't find them. the guy leads me to two women, but before he hands me off he tells me i'm very sick and i say, "i have cancer, don't i?" and he says yes. so then i meet up with these women and we walk through the restaurant and then i realize i don't have my glasses and some person in the diner yells my name and gives them to me, and one of the women says to the other, see it's getting to her, meaning the cancer is what made me forget or lose the glasses. they take me to this pink room in the back of the diner, up some stairs. i ask them what kind of cancer i have, and somehow expect it to be linked to my blood sugar problems. one of them says it's stomach cancer, and then the other says she will get $1000 for every drip. i don't know what she means by drip, like is part of chemo, part of the cancer, or what? i ask them when they will start treatment, knowing that i want to resist it. she says in a month. i am really relieved cuz i'm thinking there is SO much i want to do before i have to like go into a hospital and die. i say to her, "good cuz if you were going to say within the week, i would say hell no." i walked around the room (pink again) until i find a mirror and i look in the mirror and i think to myself, i will never do it, i will never go into their hospital w/their treatment of death, i would rather live the rest of my life and my death at home. i know that they will think i'm too young to make that sort of decision, but i also know it is made and i will fight for it. i feel strong at this point. then i get all sad, thinking i'm only 24 and i don't want to die at 25 or 26 or whatever, and i remember this daydream that caren recently had about me in my forties and i'm like no, i'm not supposed to die yet, maybe i should get treatment. but somehow i know that is not true too. i thank the women for their concern, tell them i'll think about it and then say, "and i'm also going to get a second opinion," and i walk down the stairs, scared but also pretty sure i was never sick to begin with.
so then i'm back outside and i can hear the two women like yelling/wailing. one of them says, "i never should have said the philanthropic thing..." (wtf, nothing in there was), and then i hear them just wailing in anguish that i got away. i'm back on the streets with the idyllic hedges and lawns, and all of a sudden i realize i still don't know where louise is, that we drove to the diner, and i don't even know how to get back to the movie theater or the UFO convention, much less orcas island. i start running anyway, to get further away from the freaky ladies, and that's when i wake up. it was like four am, and i laid awake for a little bit then got up to write it all down cuz the dream felt so real and so continous.
then i fell asleep again and had some nightmare that i found out my parents had bought a house on orcas island, now that really would be a nightmare!!! in that same dream, i also had like gotten really drunk and ran naked through town and couldn't remember having done that, but was worried my parents would find out since island talk gets around so fast. wtf????
any thoughts????
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Re: really want the dream -- lump, 10:04:55 01/16/06 Mon [1]
Dammit.
I'm going to start every thread that way! I mean to leave, but I've sat here and read every damn word.
Anywho...Chrys, it seems to me that your dream - no matter how many others it had in it - represents your issues with your parents. You apparantly feel continually probed by them - and maybe no bond at all - from some of the things I've read. You feel like you can't escape them and they are smothering to you. But that's just my take on it and I don't really know.
Anyone else been having a hard time sleeping? I'm not sure if it's the season, the stress or these vitamins I'm taking - but I'm not sleeping through the night anymore. Like a freakin' baby, I'm up every hour or two. I either am waking up from a dream that I can't remember (but wake up with the emotion it creates), or am waking myself up from snoring - which is something I didn't do until recently unless I was absolutely exhausted. Weird shiznit.
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Re: really want the dream -- taurusgirl, 10:47:03 01/16/06 Mon [1]
>I was trying so hard to stay quiet, I looked here the other day and noticed my name was allover the place and I was embarrased and wanted to keep quiet. Dammit!
O.K I agree with Lump on the unsettled business with your parents and never getting to far away from them.
I haven't been sleeping well either and you know, I have been thinking lately that maybe I should go see a hypnotherepist to try and tap into my subconsious to help figure out what's going on with me.
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Re: really want the dream -- chrys, 15:09:05 01/16/06 Mon [1]
well we just had the full moon, that could e part of the reason for the sleeping trouble. i have been really tired but not really sleeping too well at night, and feeling like i'm doing so much dreaming that i'm not really sleeping. i got no sleep last night either, but that was for other, better, reasons, lol.
you're probably right about the parnts thing. my other friend thinks it means i'm not ready to settle on my island, but i didn't get that exactly. i was thinking louise (my friend who is like a grandmother age) might represent my real grandmother, who died in that town in CT.
who knows?
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